Age Happens

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any. (Milton Berle)

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. (Robert Benchley)

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

As we grow older year by year, my husband always mourns: the less and less we feel our oats, the more we feel our corns.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when "tying one on" means fastening your Medic Alert bracelet.

You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news - the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

-Preaching September/October 1998