The Problem With Government

Every once in a while something that resembles religion is shared among lawmakers on Capitol Hill without fear of the ACLU shouting for separation of church and state.

Take the story of Noah, this time with a modern twist. The beginning is the same: "And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, 'In six months, I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build me an ark!'"

To make a long story short, Noah ran into a few problems. First, the Lord's ark-construction project plans didn't meet code. There was no fire-sprinkler system, for example. Next, building permits and a variance were needed in order to construct the ark. Noah encountered other obstacles, like chopping down the number of old-growth trees required to build the ark. And he was prohibited from snatching two spotted owls from the same limbs. Then his carpenters formed a union.

"Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls," Noah complained to the Lord. Then there was the problem of the flood itself. "EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filing an environmental-impact statement on your proposed flood," he said. "Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map on the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe."

"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. …I really don't thing I can finish your ark for at least another five years," Noah said.

The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" he asked.

"No," said the Lord, "government already has."

-Washington Times, 10/6/97