My soul is weary of my life
And yet nothing of a temporal blessing is more desirable than life; every man, generally speaking, is desirous of life, and of a long life too; soul and body are near and intimate companions, and are usually loath to part; but Job was weary of his life, willing to part with it, and longed to be rid of it; he "loathed" it, and so it may be here rendered F24, he would not live always, ( Job 7:15 Job 7:16 ) ; his "soul" was uneasy to dwell any longer in the earthly tabernacle of his body, it being so full of pains and sores; for this weariness was not through the guilt of sin pressing him sore, or through the horror of conscience arising from it, so that he could not bear to live, as Cain and Judas; nor through indwelling sin being a burden to him, and a longing desire to be rid of it, and to be perfectly holy, to be with Christ in heaven, as the Apostle Paul, and other saints, at certain times; or through uneasiness at the sins of others, as Isaac and Rebekah, Lot, David, Isaiah, and others; nor on the account of the temptations of Satan, his fiery darts, his buffetings and siftings, which are very distressing; but on account of his outward afflictions, which were so very hard and pressing, and the apprehension he had of the anger and wrath of God, he treating him, as he thought, very severely, and as his enemy, together with the ill usage of his friends. The Targum renders it,
``my soul is cut off in my life;''or I am dying while I live; I live a dying life, being in such pain of body, and distress of mind; and so other versions F25:
I will leave my complaint upon myself:
not that he would leave complaining, or lay it aside, though some F26 render it to this sense; rather give a loose to it, and indulge it, than attempt to ease himself, and give vent to his grief and sorrow by it; but it should be "upon himself", a burden he would take upon himself, and not trouble others with it; he would not burden their ears with his complaints, but privately and secretly utter them to himself; for the word F1 used signifies "meditation", private discourse with himself, a secret and inward "bemoaning" of his case; but he did not continue long in this mind, as appears by the following clause: or since I can do no other but complain; if there is any blame in it, I will take it wholly upon myself; complain I must, let what will be the consequence of it; see ( Job 13:13 ) ; though the phrase may be rendered, as it is sometimes, "within myself", see ( Hosea 11:8 ) ; F2; and then the sense may be, shall I leave my inward moan within myself, and no longer contain? I will give myself vent; and though I have been blamed for saying so much as I have, I will say yet more:
I will speak in the bitterness of my soul:
as one whose life is made bitter, against whom God had wrote and said bitter things, and had brought bitter afflictions upon him, which had occasioned bitter complaints in him, as well as he had been bitterly used by his friends; and amidst all this bitterness he is determined to speak out his mind freely and fully; or to speak "of the bitterness" F3 of his soul, and declare, by words, what he in his mind and body endured.
F24 (yyxb yvpn hjqn) "fastidit anima mea vitam meam", Beza, Junius & Tremellius, Piscator.
F25 "Excisa est anima mea in vita mea", Pagninus, Vatablus; so Ben Gersom & Ben Melech.
F26 So Junius & Tremellius.
F1 (yxyv) "meditationem meam", Schindler, col. 1823. "my sighing", Broughton.
F2 (yle) "intra me". Vid. Noldium, p. 701.
F3 (rmb) "in vel de a maritudine", Mercerus.