Christian Marriage

Whichever of these two opinions one believes, the Bible makes it clear that both husband and wife are to commit themselves to their spouse. In fact, Jesus quoted approvingly the Old Testament statement that a man should leave his father and mother and be united to his wife (Mark 10:7). This doesn’t necessarily mean that a man has to leave his parents’ house, but it does mean that in his heart a man must “leave” his parents. A man must place his commitment to his wife above his commitment to his parents—and above his commitment to his children also! In marriage the man and woman are no longer two but become one flesh (Mark 10:8). In some cultures, the spouse is actually called one’s “other half.”

God, of course, must be placed higher than any other human. In fact, the closer a husband and wife come to God, the closer they will come to each other. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, it is stated that two people are better than one, and that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. A Christian husband and wife, along with the third cord, God, make a powerful combination.

Promises given by Christians in the marriage ceremony are given before God Himself, as well as before the church as a group. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. The Bible teaches that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:14-16). Divorce was common in Old Testament times, and God desired to stop “easy” divorce that had no good reason. He also desired to provide legal protection for the wife who had been discarded by her husband. The law of Moses required that a man have a proper reason for divorcing his wife, namely uncleanness, and that he give his wife a proper certificate of divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). By the time of Jesus, some PHARISEES taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason at all (Matthew 19:3). Jesus answered that it was wrong for anyone to break the marriage relationship that God had made. He said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). Jesus said that God never wanted divorce, but the law of Moses had allowed it because the Jews’ hearts were hard (Matthew 19:8). All Christians believe that it is wrong to break up a marriage.

But then Jesus said further that “anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Elsewhere Jesus had said that “anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). What does Jesus mean in these last two statements? There are three main views among Christians.

First, many Christians believe that divorce is never allowable, and therefore that remarriage is always wrong while the first spouse is still alive (Romans 7:2-3). They note that the words of Jesus in Mark 10:11-12 do not include the phrase except for marital unfaithfulness. These Christians believe that those who remarry are committing adultery because they are still married in God’s eyes to their previous spouse. They believe that divorcing one’s wife causes her either to commit actual adultery or to get married again, which in their view is equal to adultery (Matthew 5:32). These Christians also point to Paul’s words in Romans 7:3, where a woman who marries another while her husband is still alive is called an adulteress. Paul also said that those who divorce their spouses must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to each other (1 Corinthians 7:11). Therefore, according to this interpretation, a person who is divorced is never allowed to get married again while the first spouse is still alive.

Many other Christians have a second view: namely, that an official divorce is allowable in some circumstances when the marriage is already broken. For example, if one’s spouse has already committed adultery, a divorce does not “cause” adultery to take place. Some Christians consider desertion (for example, when a husband leaves his wife without a formal divorce) or other unusual circumstances (such as physical cruelty) to be the equivalent of adultery. Some of these Christians further believe that in cases where an unbelieving spouse wants to get a divorce, the Christian spouse should follow Paul’s advice to let the unbelieving partner go (1 Corinthians 7:15). Regarding remarriage, some of these Christians think that a believer who divorces his or her spouse for any reason (even for a reason they allow) must not get married again as long as the first spouse is alive (1 Corinthians 7:11). Others believe that the believer who is left behind and not doing the leaving is free to marry again at once. These Christians point to Paul’s words that the believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:15).

Still other Christians hold a third view: namely, that whether the reason for the previous divorce is “allowable” or not, both may remarry to another spouse if they have repented of their own part in the breakup of their first marriage. They believe Jesus meant that anyone who divorces his wife without due cause just to marry another is committing adultery, whether it is legal according to the law of Moses or not (Matthew 19:9). But these Christians argue that when Jesus said in Matthew5:32 that “anyone who divorces his wife … causes her to become an adulteress”, He could not mean that she becomes an adulteress simply because of the divorce. And Jesus could not mean that every innocent woman who is divorced (when she herself has not committed adultery) will later either remarry or without remarriage commit actual adultery. Some women will neither remarry nor commit adultery. Rather, Jesus meant that if a man divorces his wife when she has not committed adultery, he will make her “look like” an adulteress; others will believe she was divorced for “marital unfaithfulness.” If she marries again, her new husband will “look like” an adulterer. This interpretation fits well with Paul’s words in Romans 7:3 that a woman who marries while her first husband is still living is called an adulteress; Paul does not say that she is, in fact, an adulteress.

Christians who hold this third view think that believers should not divorce their spouses, but that they should allow an unbelieving spouse to divorce them if that unbelieving spouse wants to do so (1 Corinthians 7:10-16). Since the word for “unmarried” in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 is different from the word for “virgin” in 1 Corinthians 7:25, these Christians believe that in verses 8-9 Paul was writing about “previously married” people, whether divorced or widowed. If this is so, then he was allowing them to remarry if they could not control their sexual desires. Therefore, following this interpretation, this group of Christians do not examine the particular reason for the previous (wrong) divorce. They allow everyone to remarry if they have repented of their part in the breakup of their previous marriage.

The issue of divorce and remarriage is complex. One must prayerfully study all the relevant verses before coming to a conclusion on this subject. It is also important to consult with one’s pastor or the elders of one’s church before making any plans to divorce or remarry. Different churches will have differing policies on this matter.

Although many of the Old Testament characters had more than one wife, this may have been the result of Adam and Eve’s sin in the Garden of Eden. In marriage, the two become “one flesh”; the addition of a third person does not fit God’s original model. Whatever was allowed previously, the New Testament is very clear that Christians should not have more than one wife at a time (1 Corinthians 7:2). All Christians agree with this. Yet if a man had two or more wives before he became a believer, he should not abandon any of them, but care for them all (Exodus 21:10). However, Paul did not want a man who already had two or more wives at the same time to be chosen as a leader in the church¹ (1 Timothy 3:2,12; Titus 1:6).

It is clear that sexual relations with anyone except one’s own spouse are strictly forbidden for all Christians, whether the other person is married, unmarried, or is only a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:15). Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral (Hebrews 13:4).

¹ A person who remarries after a spouse has died remains eligible for church leadership. According to the Bible, both men and women are free to remarry after the death of a spouse.