Does Proverbs Contradict Itself?

There are some people you should not answer, correct, or engage in conversation. Do not play her game or play by his rules. If you are going to answer them, change up the rules! For example, when doing evangelism, you need to recognize comments or questions that will sidetrack the conversation and do your best to bypass them. Someone says, “Well, a thousand years ago Christians killed people in the Crusades; why would I want to be a Christian?” I could spend a lot of time answering that and get off track. Or I could kindly say, “Why don’t we discuss that another day and right now keep the focus on what Jesus did?” Keep the focus on Jesus, not objections about obscure manuscripts, battles that took place a millennia ago, or why there are so many different denominations. Do not let people deflect their own conviction or their need to deal with Jesus by getting off into tangential and unprofitable arguments.

But this is true in any type of conversation, dialogue, or relational interaction. In any family interaction, church relationship, office dynamic, blog post, or any kind of situation where advice is being given to solve people’s problems, you can be dragged into playing a game that you don’t need to play. Refuse to play the fool’s game with anyone! You need to be aware of whether or not you should engage the person. It is so easy for us to get sucked into responding on Facebook or Twitter or at the water cooler because we want to be seen as right. That leads to a long, drawn-out argument and then stalemate. Sometimes you just need to let it go. As sportswriter and commentator Skip Bayless says, “Don’t press ‘send.’”

One time a man whose son was dating a Hindu tried to convince me that Jesus would have dated non-Christians. He was not trying to have an actual discussion; he was just justifying his son’s behavior. That is not even worth responding to. Do not let someone get a rise out of you. Don’t get into never-ending arguments where you have to have the last word in your marriage or in a friendship.

However, do not use Proverbs 26:4 as an excuse to chicken out because there is also a time to answer. It is certainly easier to step back and not engage in many situations. Most people don’t like to ruffle feathers. But you can’t use verse 4 as an excuse to chicken out. Sometimes we are called to correct a fool so that he does not think he is wise (v. 5).

Proverbs 26:5 says that there are some fools and situations that should be confronted, answered, or corrected. Don’t stay quiet or be passive in those cases because if you don’t answer them, they’ll be wise in their own eyes, and verse 12 says that’s destructive: “Do you see a person who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Letting people think they are wise when they are not is deadly. Proverbs repeatedly warns those who think they are wise that they are headed toward judgment. Letting your children indiscriminately run through parking lots without correcting them is foolish and dangerous. You would say something because you do not want them to get hit by a car. In the same way, there are people around you who have patterns of sin and foolishness in their lives that will ruin them, and God has put you in their lives to lovingly say something!

For some, it will do good to correct them because they might listen! Some might listen immediately. Others might get mad initially, storm off, and not talk to you for a while. But then, after having some time to mull it over, they will come to the realization that you were right and only said something because you cared for them.

Also, there are times when there are others around who will be hurt by the person’s foolishness, so you cannot stay silent because others might be led astray. Do not tolerate foolishness in such a way that others watching and listening think the person is right. So lovingly correct them—show their folly—without lowering yourself, if it will do that person or others good. If you remain passive, it will look like you are giving your approval of their “wisdom.”

The motivation of verse 5 is not you telling someone the way it is. Some people like to brag, “I’m not unkind; I just tell it like it is.” No, you are a jerk. There is a big difference between being a truth-teller and acting like a jerk. The proper motivation is for their good. If we remain passive, they might think they are smart because no one is correcting them. This is true in matters like evangelism where people might be saying false things about God, in marital issues where a coworker is giving ungodly advice to someone like “get out of the marriage,” or in personal struggles where people just do not see things clearly. Speak up in those situations! But it’s also true in “little” matters like spending, laziness, or bad thinking on a specific subject. You will regret not speaking up when you had the chance, especially if they keep hurting themselves.

Solomon’s point is this: Wisdom is the discernment to read people and situations and know when to respond and when to stay silent. Wisdom is growing in the knowledge of when to correct someone and when not to correct them. You grow in discerning the outcome. You come to know when answering will help him or when you are just playing his game. Daily life is filled with both situations, and wisdom is the ability to assess them and decide what to do. Goldsworthy writes,

Thus, one situation is best handled by refusing to play the fool’s game with him, while another demands some rejoinder to his folly. Life is full of both kinds of situations. . . . One must assess each situation carefully and decide whether to engage the fool or disengage from his company. (Tree of Life, 165)

Wisdom means growing in that kind of decision-making.

Proverbs has taught us that Wisdom is not a thing; Wisdom is a ­person—Jesus of Nazareth. So growth in him does not just mean growth in not sinning as much, although it does include that (Moore, Walking the Line). It also means growth in discernment! You begin to know whether answering will get you nowhere or will help the person or others around them. This is what growing in Christlikeness looks like. You are able to perceive motivations and outcomes. You are able to let things go and remain silent when you should. You are able to be bold and speak up when you should.

If you do not grow in this kind of discernment, it reveals you have a problem with Jesus. You are not walking with him as you should because of some idol in your life. If you are too cowardly to confront, your idol may be self-approval or pride. If you are a jerk who loves to tell people off, your idol might be self-justification. But if you are not able to read a situation and know when to speak up or let it lie, you are not growing in Christlikeness.

After all, Jesus amazed people with this ability. He knew when to stay silent because a reply would do no good. And he knew when to correct. He could read people and situations and know exactly how to respond or not respond.

For example, in Matthew 15:1-9 the Pharisees challenged Jesus because his disciples did not follow the rules for hand washing. Jesus turned around and swatted them for using their rules to justify not honoring their moms and dads. He revealed their hypocrisy so that they would not be wise in their own eyes or the eyes of the crowd. In Matthew 16 Peter foolishly rebuked Jesus concerning the cross, and Jesus answered him rather directly to correct his folly, “Get behind me, Satan!” (v. 23). What Peter was saying was satanic, so Jesus corrected him.

Jesus also knew when to not play people’s games. The chief priests tried to challenge Jesus’s authority in the temple by asking by what authority he did what he did. Jesus knew their game, so he asked a ­follow-up question about John’s baptism that the priests refused to answer. He refused to answer fools according to their folly. Matthew 21:27 says, “So they answered Jesus, ‘We don’t know.’ And he said to them, ‘Neither will I tell you by what authority I do these things.’” He refused to play their game.

Jesus knew when people were testing him. In Matthew 22:15-17 the Pharisees sought to entrap Jesus in his words by asking about taxes. But Matthew 22:18 tells us, “Perceiving their malicious intent, Jesus said, ‘Why are you testing me, hypocrites?’” Jesus discerned the situation and knew how to answer about taxes, the resurrection of the dead, the greatest commandment, and David’s Son so that Matthew 22:46 says, “No one was able to answer him at all, and from that day no one dared to question him anymore.”

Jesus knows how to read people and situations. He knows when to answer, how to answer, and when to stay silent. After all, he did not answer the Jewish leaders’ questions at his trial (Matt 26:63), he refused to speak to Herod (Luke 23:9), and he amazed Pilate by not answering him just before he was crucified (Mark 15:5).

Jesus grew in wisdom (Luke 2:52), which means he grew in the ability to read people and situations. Growth in Christlikeness will mean growth in the area of discernment. Jesus produces this in his followers. We see this with the deacon Stephen at his trial; the opponents could not resist Stephen’s wisdom (Acts 6:10). So if you are not growing in this ability, confess that to God, repent of it, and go to Jesus. Cry out to him, “Lord, show me where I lack discernment. Judge me in this and give me wisdom” (Moore, Walking the Line). Lack of discernment might be because you are not a believer and need to trust Jesus for the first time. It might be because you are a believer but not walking with Christ in this area of your life. But the answer is the same for all—repent and believe!