Have you seen those little books that say, "You might be a redneck if..."? Well, I've put together a little list for us here, just to check us out.

You may have a "me" addiction if you have, let's say in the last six months:
• pulled into a parking space ahead of the retired guy in the white Buick with the Michigan license plate who had been waiting with his turn signal on while the other car pulled out;

• kept the bedroom TV going to see the end of the football game when your wife was trying to sleep off a headache or had to go to work early in the morning;

• sneaked into the express check-out lane with more than 10 items;

• emptied the last scoop of ice cream, finished the last piece of pecan pie, or sneaked away with the last chocolate chip cookie in the jar;

• pretended that you didn't notice that the sink was piled full of dirty dishes so that your spouse or roommate would put them in the dishwasher;

• refused to tell your parents about the call that came in on call waiting before you dialed another number;

• passed on that dirty little rumor about the girl next door while pretending to be her friend;

• accepted credit from your boss for a job you knew someone else had done;

• given your wife a birthday gift that you knew was something you really wanted;

• felt a sigh of relief in knowing that you weren't as poorly dressed, ill-mannered, unimportant, unintelligent, or just plain tacky as all the self-centered sinners who are sitting around you this morning.


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Illustration by: James A. Harnish, Hyde Park United Methodist Church, Tampa, FL