8 Keys to a Happy, Healthy Marriage

-Be willing to accept blame.

-Express hurt - not hostility.

-Stick to the subject at hand. Don't drag up every hurt from the past that you have buried.

-Avoid using the words "never" and "always."

-Be solution centered.

-Understand that restoration - not winning - is the goal.

-Get outside help if you need it. That may be a mature Christian couple or a professional.

A marriage is only as good as the communication between husband and wife – especially when fighting fair.

Related: Learn to Fight Fair in Marriage

Isaiah 35:3-4 "Encourage the exhausted, strengthen the weak, say to those with an anxious heart 'Take courage, fear not!'"

Every husband and wife has different ways of giving and receiving love.

Touch

Verbal

Service

Gifts

Time

My dad died when I was four years old. My mom showed her love for me by serving. So I grew up believing love is demonstrated by cleaning the house, buying groceries, doing the laundry, or cooking meals.

Doing these things for Dan showed him that I loved him - right? The only problem was that I needed to use the correct language. His language is touching and telling.

But since I had been molested as a child, I had trouble with communication and intimacy. So we had problems. When Dan hugged me and told me he loved me, I always thought he wanted sex. If he really loved me, he would clean the garage.

It is like going to a foreign land and insisting that the people there speak my language. It won't work.

Learn your husband's language of love and become fluent in it!

Hebrews 3:13 "Encourage one another daily."

Every man should be able to trust his wife and what she says about him, and every wife should be able to trust what her husband says about her.

We should count on each other to be a cheerleader!

Don't criticize your mate to your friends or family members. You will get to the place of forgiveness, but your family and friends may not. And don't criticize your mate to your children. I know that is hard. But it is right.

Make a list of your mate's good points and then broadcast them!

Psalm 141:3 "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord. Keep watch over the door of my lips."

I once read, "Dear Lord, help me to bridle my tongue so that on judgment day, I will not be guilty of assault with a deadly weapon!"

Don't be a dream-buster. Be a dream-sharer. Ladies, if your husband is leading you in what you feel is the wrong direction, your choices are:

-To leave him.

-To stay and make life miserable for everyone.

-To say to him," I am committed to you. I disagree with you, but I am with you!"

Then turn your dream and him over to God, who can bring the two together in a fantastic way.

We must not get so serious about life that we lose our joy. We must always remember what it means to laugh, play, and feel like a child again.

The best marriages take a lot of work, but we need to balance that work with fun. The more challenging the marriage, the more important it is to have fun. Laughter brings healing. Humor can be a bridge over frustrating circumstances.

God wants our homes to be living illustrations of him! God wants marriage to demonstrate His love.

What choice or commitment do you need to make in your marriage? He stands ready to empower that commitment. God wants your marriage to succeed, and he wants you to find joy in your marriage. So make that commitment today, and then trust him to do it.

Listen to our new, podcast on marriage: Team Us. The best marriages have a teamwork mentality. Find practical, realistic ideas for strengthening your marriage. Listen to an episode here, and then head over to LifeAudio.com to check out all of our episodes:

Mary Southerland is also the Co-founder of Girlfriends in God, a conference and devotion ministry for women. Mary’s books include, Hope in the Midst of Depression, Sandpaper People, Escaping the Stress Trap, Experiencing God’s Power in Your Ministry, 10-Day Trust Adventure, You Make Me So Angry, How to Study the Bible, Fit for Life, Joy for the Journey, and Life Is So Daily. Mary relishes her ministry as a wife, a mother to their two children, Jered and Danna, and Mimi to her six grandchildren – Jaydan, Lelia, Justus, Hudson, Mo, and Nori.