How Can Christians Weep with Those Who Weep?
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We have an amazing and awesome God whose motivation is love. He is close to the lowly and brokenhearted, weeping with those who weep.
In a famous passage from the Gospel of John, Jesus travels to visit with his friends—Lazarus, Mary, and Martha. But Lazarus had died, and the community grieved. Jesus had arrived to raise the man from the dead. Even though this miraculous event was about to occur, Jesus wept before the grave.
We are also called to weep with those who weep, an act of love and understanding. But how can we do this?
Where Does the Bible Say We Should Weep with Those Who Weep?
“Weep with those who weep” is found in the New Testament book of Romans. In Romans 12:15, the apostle Paul provides a brief, powerful directive to the Christian community: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” This brief statement shows how fundamental empathy and compassion are to the Christian life.
Throughout Romans 12, Paul offers practical instructions on Christian living and community engagement. He emphasizes genuine love’s transformative power and encourages believers to manifest this love through tangible actions. So, the directive to weep with those who weep fits within a larger discussion on how the body of Christ authentically expresses love.
The chapter begins with a broad statement, a plea from Paul for readers to consider their lives a “living sacrifice,” their reasonable service to God. This self-denial and self-sacrifice hearkens back to Christ’s willingness to give his life for others. Paul addresses a similar heart attitude in Philippians: for Christians to have the same mind of Christ and humble themselves for others’ good and therefore receive the reward of the Father (Philippians 2:5-11).
From this place of humility, Paul encourages the Roman church to be transformed by renewing their minds, not conforming to the world’s ways, proving God’s good and righteous will.
The idea of humility within the community of faith continues in verse 3. Christians are all connected—one body with Christ as the head, each with gifts for others’ good. Beginning in verse 9, the apostle describes a “love without hypocrisy.” Love means clinging to what is good and hating what is evil. This sincere love for other believers includes sibling affection, diligent service to God and each other, prayer, and generosity.
The call to “weep with those who weep” implies a shared emotional journey within the Christian community. It challenges believers to move beyond a superficial or detached response to others’ suffering. Instead, it calls for a deep, empathetic engagement with others’ pain. The word “weep” goes beyond mere acknowledgment; it signifies a call to enter into others’ emotional experiences, to feel their sorrow, and to stand in solidarity with them during times of grief, much as Christ did when he came to earth.
Does It Really Help to Weep with Those Who Weep?
In a world often enamored with positivity and inspiration, the direction to “weep with those who weep” is counterintuitive but refreshing. It affirms the value of shared sorrow, the strength found in vulnerability, and the redemptive power of authentic compassion.
Empathy, as expressed through weeping with those who weep, starkly contrasts with mere sympathy. While sympathy may involve acknowledging someone’s pain from a distance, empathy demands a deeper, more engaged response. It calls believers to enter into another person’s emotional terrain of others, share in their grief, and stand alongside them in their dark moments. In doing so, we reflect the incarnation: God coming to earth as a human to relate, communicate, and be with us. God is relational, and we are to be relational.
“Weep with those who weep” also proves encouraging because it acknowledges the reality of suffering. Christianity does not shy away from complex human experiences. It provides a framework for engaging with the full spectrum of emotions. Weeping with those who weep recognizes that life is replete with challenges, losses, and heartaches. It is entirely acceptable for believers to grapple with and express the emotions that accompany these experiences.
The pressure to maintain unrelenting positivity can be burdensome and isolating, especially in social media. It can create an environment where individuals feel compelled to mask their pain, fearing that people will judge or dismiss their vulnerability. The encouragement to weep with those who weep dismantles this façade. It invites authenticity and vulnerability into the Christian community. In the freedom to express sorrow, believers find a supportive space where their struggles are not minimized but acknowledged. A space where they share struggles with people who genuinely care.
Moreover, weeping with those who weep fosters a deeper sense of community and unity. It challenges our individualistic tendencies, urging Christians to move beyond a self-focused perspective. In shared sorrow, the body of Christ’s bonds are strengthened. The recognition that others are willing to stand alongside, offering a shoulder to lean on and tears to shed, brings a profound sense of comfort and belonging.
This biblical encouragement is not confined to internal dynamics within the Christian community. Christians can also follow this example when engaging with the broader world. Weeping with those who weep positions believers as agents of compassion and healing in a broken and hurting world. It acknowledges that the transformative impact of Christ’s love is most tangible when expressed in moments of shared sorrow and genuine empathy.
Are There Unhealthy Ways to Weep with Those Who Weep?
While the instruction to “weep with those who weep” is a powerful call to empathy and compassion, individuals must navigate this practice with sensitivity and discernment. It is noble to share in others’ sorrows. Even so, the potential exists for unhealthy dynamics or unintended consequences. Understanding and respecting boundaries is vital.
So, what pitfalls should we know about?
1. Over-identifying with someone else’s pain. While empathy is essential, losing one’s own emotional boundaries and becoming overwhelmed by someone’s sorrow can lead to emotional burnout or vicarious pain. We must be mindful of their own emotional well-being and seek support when needed. While they can offer empathy, they cannot personally shoulder the weight of someone else’s grief.
2. Exploiting or sensationalizing others’ suffering. Weeping with those who weep should never be a performance or an opportunity to showcase one’s emotional depth. We must balance genuine empathy with respectfully acknowledging another’s pain is personal. They must be sensitive to the individual’s comfort level; consent is vital to prevent unintentional harm.
3. Trying to solve every problem. While Christians should comfort one another, they cannot control the person’s grief journey. Thinking they can fix everyone’s pain can lead to pride or a savior complex. We must remember that weeping with those who weep is a call to be present, not to fix the situation. There are times when providing comfort and dignity can be enough.
4. Lying to make people feel better. Christians must use discernment where grief is involved. As noted above in Romans 12, sincere love clings to what is right and true and hates sin. We can’t be manipulated to agree with sin or lie to comfort people. Believers can affirm another person’s pain while remaining firm in biblical truth. Emotionalism must not be given priority over revelation.
5. Watch out for temptations that come with emotional intimacy. Believers are to get personally involved and enter others’ pain but also recognize the Devil can use this as an opportunity, especially to lead to sexual sin. A person might begin with compassion and empathy for another, but the connection can lead to inappropriate intimacy. Many affairs in the church have begun with bearing pain with another person. We must remember the ultimate goal of weeping with those who weep is to honor them. Honoring people means sharing their pain but never hurting them by trespassing their boundaries.
What Are Healthy Ways to Weep with Those Who Weep?
Done well, weeping with those who weep can foster connection, healing, and a sense of shared humanity. We must embrace certain principles to do it well and avoid the unhealthy problems mentioned earlier.
1. Avoid mixed-gender counseling. Given the opportunity for inappropriate relationships, men should grief counsel and go deeper with men, and women should do the same with women. This doesn’t mean men and women can’t have any meaningful relationships. They should, as brother and sisters in Christ. Still, believers should have healthy boundaries in these areas.
2. Rely upon the Spirit for this supernatural work. Our own emotional states can’t bind us to identify with another’s emotional state. But the Spirit can help us. For instance, if we are personally down, we can still rejoice with those who rejoice through the Spirit. We might be having a great day, but we are still able to enter the sorrow of others through Christ.
3. Active listening. Rather than rushing to offer solutions or interjecting with personal experiences, we should focus on attentively hearing the person’s emotions and thoughts. This creates a space for the person to express their feelings, promoting validation and understanding.
4. Respecting grieving people’s autonomy. Respecting people’s autonomy means we recognize and honor the person’s pace and preferences when expressing emotions. Some may prefer solitude. Others may appreciate a listening ear. Understanding and respecting these differences ensures that the act of weeping with others is supportive rather than an imposition.
5. Acknowledging and validating grieving people’s emotions. We should express understanding and compassion instead of minimizing or dismissing their feelings. Phrases such as “I can’t imagine how you must feel, but I’m here for you” convey empathy without attempting to diminish the pain’s significance.
6. Provide practical support. Practical acts of kindness can alleviate some of the burdens that accompany grief. For example, we can help by:
- Preparing a meal
- Running errands
- Offering assistance with daily tasks
These actions demonstrate a commitment to tangibly supporting the person, exhibiting our faith’s love and compassion.
7. Recognizing and respecting cultural and individual differences. Different cultures and individuals may have distinct ways of processing grief and expressing emotions. Being attuned to these differences ensures that support is offered in a manner that aligns with the person’s background and preferences.
8. Creating a safe and judgment-free space. Individuals should feel free to express many emotions without fear of judgment or criticism. This requires setting aside personal biases, allowing the grieving person to navigate their emotions without external expectations.
Through embodying these principles, Christians can engage in this compassionate practice to reveal God’s heart of God. God identifies with the lowly, the broken, and the hurting. We are called to the same and empowered by his very Spirit to do so.
As Paul writes in Romans 12, our faith communities should show a culture of compassion and generosity. When we weep with the world in its pain, we welcome its brokenness to experience God’s love. This leads to open and powerful discussions about faith, which may lead others to Jesus.
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