A Christian Guide to Meaningful Communication

We all judge a book by its cover, and doing so makes sense. That’s how we get a sense of someone’s character and gauge potential threats. However, when considering meaningful conversation, we shouldn’t make hard assumptions about someone’s character before we take the time to get to know them. Doing so has the potential to keep us from forming relationships all because of what we think of someone and not for the reality of who they are. Assumptions prevent us from representing Christ to someone and prevent them from doing the same for us.

There’s a reason narcissism is such a popular topic today. There’s also a reason no one thinks of themselves as a narcissist. Whether you do or do not fall into that category, Scripture admonishes us to treat others the way we want to be treated (Matthew 7:12). And we certainly appreciate being prioritized and taken care of. We should strive to do such in all of our relationships. Not only will they feel good, but we will too.  And we’ll be serving in the process. Not only that, but when we model the Golden Rule, we encourage the same sort of behavior in those we encounter.

How many ordinary people actually want to talk about the weather with strangers? How many people, if asked, would prefer to have good conversations they forget in an hour versus chats they recall for a lifetime?

Anytime we talk to someone, we have the potential for a meaningful conversation. But in order to get there, we have to step outside our typical line of dialogue. Don’t talk about the weather or work or the mundane things you do with family. Ask harder questions. Ask about topics that matter to the other person. Not because you’re seeking agreement, disagreement, or a debate, but because you want to learn something new about them.

Plenty of us have some degree of social anxiety, whether at the office party or at the family reunion. We don’t know what to say or to who or when. That intimidating feeling can tempt us to shut everyone out and stick to what feels safe, or we can lean into the discomfort. Meaningful connections happen when we take a chance and put ourselves out there.

If you hope to make a friend, find a spouse, or improve a relationship, you benefit from being proactive rather than waiting around for the other person. We can’t control them. We can control ourselves.

If you have the communications skills, but don’t imagine you have the outlets, then think again. Even if you “work from home,” try taking your work to a public place like a library. Or, when you’re grocery shopping, try chatting with the person at the cash register. You never know whose day you will brighten and you never know what new meaningful connections you can make.

Being socially awkward to start is okay and doesn’t last forever, not when you’re putting in that practice.

We can pray to God not just for wisdom in how we communicate, but also for the experiences that make our communication stronger. We have to learn from Scripture, through prayer, from other people, and then we have to put what we learn into practice. Communication doesn’t come to most people naturally, but most of us can learn.

Young people get a lot of criticism for having social anxiety in what some would consider ridiculous situations, like calling someone on the phone. But our society’s communication struggles didn’t originate with young folks. They didn’t teach themselves how to communicate. The issue is instead generational, an area where every generation has fallen short in some capacity.

But where we struggle, we can overcome.

Communication can be a lot of things: funny, scary, insightful, intimidating, and also meaningful. Whether you are an expert or an amateur conversationalist, as Christians, God calls for us to be in community. What meaningful community can any of us hope to have without meaningful communication?

You don’t have to be perfect. You can be awkward. Very awkward. What matters more is that we use communication as a way of serving one another, and ultimately, as a way to serve God.

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Harli Marten 

Aaron D'Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He's an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”