3 Incredible Reasons to Develop a Lifestyle of Forgiveness

For many people, forgiveness does not come easily or naturally. It simply feels right and justifiable to even the score when we’ve been wronged. So when Jesus told his disciples they must forgive 70 x 7 times (essentially always), He must have known something about forgiveness that we really need to learn and practice. He follows up His response to Peter with a parable:

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all. Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.’

But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses” (Matthew 18:23-35).

When Jesus said “Kingdom of Heaven,” He was talking about God's rule over our lives, and He was reiterating the principle that forgiveness must simply be a way of life for His followers. From this parable, Jesus gave Peter (and therefore all believers) three reasons why forgiveness, not vengeance, should be our default response to any offense.

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“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt” (Matthew 18:28-30).

At the time, the Roman and Greek practice was to grasp a debtor by the neck of his toga and rush him half-throttled off to court. They also allowed a kind of vigilante justice, where an ordinary citizen could make his own arrest and drag the accused debtor into court for judgment.

So when Jesus’ parable described how the forgiven servant grabbed his buddy by the throat, it doesn't mean he was threatening to beat him. The listeners understood the man intended to drag his friend to the court to get repaid.

But this was the same man who had just pleaded with the king over his much larger debt, and the king had compassion and cancelled it. The man had done nothing to deserve the grace and mercy of the king, and yet received it freely.

Imagine the man’s emotional state as he walked down the steps of the palace: relief, joy, gratitude! His heart should have been radically changed, and he should have naturally paid this forgiveness forward. But he did not, and everyone who witnessed his hypocrisy toward the friend was appalled; his actions were reported back to the king, who became indignant.

Those who heard Jesus’ parable understood the king represented God, and when He forgives us, it is out of His grace and mercy, not from anything we’ve done to deserve it. As Paul wrote:

“He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross” (Colossians 2:14, NLT).

God cancelled our sin debt not because of anything we did or earned, but because of the cross. We are forgiven, now pay it forward.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

That means, let it go!

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In Matthew 18:28-34, notice what unforgiveness did to the servant: it robbed him of the joy he should have been experiencing from having his own debt cancelled. It clouded his thinking, and it actually made him wicked.

I don’t mean wicked as in the way we usually use the word today, relating to satanic and demonic activities. Its meaning is best explained by looking at a related word, “wicker," as in wicker furniture.

Wicker is traditionally made by hand from small branches of the rattan vine that have been boiled and softened. They are then worked and formed into the desired shape of chairs, tables or sofas. When the rattan dries, it retains its new twisted and unnatural form.

The idea of wicked then is that which has become unnaturally twisted and permanently fixed. That's what happens to our hearts when we don't forgive. We are then prevented from being and doing everything that God has created us to be and to do. And that is an important reason for us all to make forgiveness a lifestyle.

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Remember Peter’s question? Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother for sinning against me? Seven times? As though there is a point when we could justify holding offenses and unforgiveness in our hearts against our brother.

No, not seven times, Peter, but always. Because in this life offenses will happen. Even so, your destiny is more important.

It seems fitting, somehow, that a short time later, Peter became the disciple who needed the Lord’s forgiveness more than anything.

“Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. ‘You also were with Jesus of Galilee,’ she said. But he denied it before them all. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he said. Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, ‘This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.’ He denied it again, with an oath: ‘I don’t know the man!’ After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, ‘Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.’ Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, ‘I don’t know the man!’ Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: ‘Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly” (Matthew 26:69-75).

As we know, the resurrected Lord forgave Peter for his betrayal and restored him to fellowship. Peter continued on in his destiny to become the great Apostle and a leader in the church at Jerusalem, eventually even becoming one of the Church’s first martyrs for Christ.

Unforgiveness will limit us from achieving our destiny, and doing everything God has created us to achieve in this life. As the parable teaches, once our sin debt has been forgiven by the King of Kings, we must willingly pay it forward in forgiveness toward our brothers. It’s just a fact of the human condition. We all need repeated forgiveness and restoration as we journey through life, making mistakes, but sincerely seeking to do the will of God and working for the expansion of His Kingdom on earth.

“Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out” (Galatians 6:1-2, MSG).

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