Does the Bible Say Anything About Being Married to an Unbeliever?
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Over the years, I’ve counseled and grieved alongside Christian women who were convinced their unbelieving boyfriends (now husbands) would surely come to know Jesus once they were married. Years later, the consequences of marrying someone who said they loved God but showed no proof left my friends feeling drained and disappointed.
Does this mean that a mismatched marriage always fails or that there is no hope for spouses who come to know Christ after marrying? The Bible has much to say; every word is rooted in grace.
What Bible Verses Discuss Being Married to an Unbeliever?
Some Bible verses discuss being married to an unbeliever, with the most well-known verse being 2 Corinthians 6:14. The Apostle Paul doesn’t mince words:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can have light with darkness?
In context, Paul is speaking to the Corinthian church in a broad term, commanding them not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. The words “yoked together” are an agricultural term where two animals were joined together to accomplish a task. If the animals are different, each will have its own speed and stubborn tendencies. No longer will the two animals work together, bringing undue hardship. Although Paul doesn’t specifically mention marrying an unbeliever in this passage, it certainly pertains to it as there is no greater union on this side of heaven than marriage, for it is a covenant relationship.
Another verse on this subject is Deuteronomy 7:3-4, where God prohibits intermarriage outside the Jewish race to prevent the temptation to worship false gods, leading them astray from the One True Living God.
Intermarriage also caused the ruin of kings, like King Solomon, the third king of Israel. Although he was the wisest man who ever lived (1 Kings 3:12), he eventually strayed from God, marrying 700 foreign wives and keeping 300 concubines. King Solomon directly disobeyed God’s command in 1 Kings 11:1-2.
“They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, ‘You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.’”
King Solomon’s response?
“Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love,” and the kingdom of Israel paid a high price for his disobedience (1 Kings 11:1-15).
What Are the Particular Struggles of Having an Unbelieving Spouse?
Perhaps both spouses were unbelievers when married, or one came to know Christ after the “I dos,” or a spouse walks away from God. Regardless of the situation, these marriages tend to deal with particular struggles, such as:
- Division in how to raise children. Suppose the unbelieving spouse prefers the children not to be raised in the church, directly opposing the believing spouse’s desire for the children to learn God’s Word and know Jesus from an early age.
- Division in how to spend money. An unbelieving spouse will likely not understand giving a portion of the finances to the church.
- Division in time and energy. Unbelieving spouses may not understand or approve of the believing spouse’s time in church or service to others.
- Division in priorities. Will the unbelieving spouse or Christ come first?
With these struggles in mind, it’s essential to understand why the Bible advises never to marry a non-believer if you are a believer and what to do if you become a Christian after marriage.
Why Believers Should Never Marry Unbelievers
The Bible doesn’t say the believer is a “good” person and the unbeliever is “bad.” Or that one sins and the other doesn’t. We all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). But the Bible says that those who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior recognize their sinful nature and repent or turn away from their sinful ways. A believer is a new creature (2 Corinthians 5:17), belongs to a new family (1 Corinthians 12:12), and is sealed with the Holy Spirit.
The difficulty of a believer marrying an unbeliever begins in the dating years. A lovely person can say they love God or don’t mind attending church with the believer. Still, neither means they have a relationship with Christ. When we give into the temptation to continue dating an unbeliever, we find ways to justify our feelings, so it’s wise to set boundaries ahead of time. Emotions can’t be trusted. We are to obey God, trusting His best for our lives.
I know a young woman who changed jobs to avoid a man she cared for deeply but knew he was not a believer. This decision may seem drastic, but she’d drawn a line in the sand and refused to cross it.
What to Do if You Became a Christian After Getting Married
If a spouse becomes a Christian after getting married, praise the Lord! God stands ready to help the believing spouse live in a way that positively influences the unbelieving partner. An unequally yoked marriage will be challenging, especially for the believer, but the Holy Spirit will guide them in all truth (John 16:13). They are not helpless.
Some ways to help navigate a mismatched marriage include:
1. Resist the temptation to be the spouse’s Holy Spirit. 1 Peter 3:1-2 encourages wives with unbelieving husbands, reminding them that it’s not their words but their actions that can win them over. God alone works in the hearts and minds of others, but in the meantime…
2. Pray their spiritual eyes will open to see God’s love, kindness, forgiveness, and mercy.
3. Strengthen and guard your faith walk. As you grow in Christlikeness, remember James 5:16: “The prayer of a righteous man [or woman] is effective.”
4. Don’t seek a divorce based on the new circumstances of faith. It may seem contrary to remain married to an unbeliever if a spouse becomes a believer, but 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 tells the believer to stay and choose to see the challenge as an opportunity for God to receive glory. However, suppose the unbelieving spouse divorces the believing spouse. In that case, God calls them to live in peace:
“But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15)
And Romans 8:1 reminds us that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Embrace the mercy, grace, and forgiveness that is yours in Christ.
5. Ask for help if needed. Whether you go as a couple or alone, seeking Christian counseling for your mental health is wise. Finding a mentor or speaking with your pastor are also helpful options.
A Prayer for the Believer Tempted to Date or Marry an Unbeliever
Heavenly Father,
Your Word is a gift of love. Like a good father, You seek to protect me from what I cannot see or understand. You desire my best, not only for my sake but for future generations, knowing the decisions I make today will impact a lifetime. I ask Your Holy Spirit to flood my heart with wisdom and discernment as I seek to please only You, trusting You with my future and the blessings You have in store for me.
Amen.
A Prayer for the Believer Who Married to an Unbeliever
Gracious God,
Please forgive me for putting my happiness before Your holiness. In Your grace, I humbly pray for my spouse’s salvation. Guard my mouth when I desire to be their teacher, entrusting that care to Your Holy Spirit. Give me strength when weariness sets in, and when the struggles come, I will find peace in knowing that You are for me, not against me, and that You will never leave or forsake me, according to Your Word. May my words and actions display Your glory so my spouse will be drawn to Your loving kindness.
Help me, Lord. Amen.
A Prayer for the Spouse Who Becomes a Believer in the Marriage
Sovereign Savior,
How I praise Your name for my salvation! I once walked in darkness, but now I walk in the light because of Your grace and mercy. Now that You, my First Love, have taken Your rightful place in my heart, give me wisdom in navigating my marriage. I pray the bond with my spouse will strengthen, and they will also desire to know You as Lord and Savior. But, if my spouse chooses to leave, I will cling to Your promises of hope and a future, confident that shame and regret have no place in my heart; thanks be to Jesus.
I love you, Lord, my strength.
Amen.
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