Ephesians 5

Therefore, how can we understand what God’s “specific will” is in such matters? First, by praying. The Holy Spirit will guide us if we ask Him. Second, by consulting our pastor, our parents,²¹ or other Christian friends and elders. Third, by studying the Bible. When we study the Bible, we shall better understand God’s “general will,” and this in turn will help us discern His specific will. For example, the Bible doesn’t tell us which girl or boy to marry, but it does tell us that we must marry a believer (2 Corinthians 6:14).

As we pray, consult, and study the Bible, we must use our minds to determine what God’s will is. God gave us minds and reasoning power. He does not lead us as if we were a horse or mule with no understanding (Psalm 32:8-9). God will give us wisdom and guidance, but we must use our minds to receive it.

18 Christians must not get drunk on wine—or on any other alcoholic drink. Paul does not say that a Christian must never drink any wine at all (Psalm 104:15); he only says that a Christian must never get drunk.²² A Christian must not even get a tiny bit drunk. Some people, especially some tribes, are heavy drinkers by custom; but God says to them as well: Do not get drunk. To get drunk is a sin. And once a person becomes drunk, he is led to commit even worse sins. And his desire to drink will grow and grow, and eventually it will enslave him.

People drink in order to find happiness or encouragement, but of course their happiness and encouragement lasts only a very short time. And they pay a high price for such momentary pleasure; drinking squanders not only their money but also their health. There is only one way to find permanent joy, happiness, and encouragement, and that is by being filled with the (Holy) Spirit.

… be filled with the Spirit.²³ That’s not a suggestion; that’s a command. And Paul actually wrote here that we should “keep on being filled” with the Spirit—not only today and tomorrow, but all week, all month, all year, all our lives!

How will we know if we are filled with the Spirit? We will know that we are filled with the Spirit when we see the fruits of the Spirit in our lives—that is, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

A man filled with liquor is under the liquor’s control; a man filled with the Spirit is under the Spirit’s control. A man filled with liquor cannot control himself; he has no self-control. But the man filled with the Spirit has self-control, which is the ninth fruit of the Spirit. Commotion and wild behavior among men is never produced by the Holy Spirit.

19 However, what the Spirit does produce in us is great joy; the Spirit makes us want to sing and make music to the Lord. Let us, therefore, praise God together with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, not only with our lips but from our hearts (Colossians 3:16).

20 We must always give thanks to God for everything. For everything? For sickness? For hurricanes and hailstorms? For sorrow and trouble? Yes, for all of these. We must thank God for everything—whether good or bad. Why? Because God is our loving heavenly Father. No matter what troubles and difficulties He allows us to go through, we can know with certainty that in the end God will work it out for our good. God does only good to His children who love and serve Him (see Romans 8:28 and comment). This is why we must give thanks to God for everything.

21 When we try to control others, arguments and divisions arise. Therefore, instead of trying to control each other, let us rather put ourselves under each other’s control. In this way, there is no chance for argument and division. Let us make ourselves each other’s servant. This is the example that Jesus gave us when He washed His disciples’ feet (see John 13:12-15 and comment).

22 God has given husbands authority over their wives. In a similar way, He has given parents authority over their children (Ephesians 6:1), and He has given employers authority over their employees (Ephesians 6:5). In each of these three cases—husbands and wives, parents and children, employers and employees—each person as an individual is equal in God’s sight. But God has not given each person the same authority, the same responsibility, the same work. Paul does not say that the husband is better than the wife; he only says that God has given the husband greater authority in the family (see General Article: Christian Marriage).

The husband is given authority over his wife not for his own benefit but rather for the benefit of the whole family. His authority is to be used to maintain discipline, order, and peace within the family. The husband has no authority to maltreat or abuse his wife. Instead, he is to behave toward her with love and mercy, just as Christ behaved toward us. God has given husbands authority to do good, not to do ill.

23-24 Just as Christ has authority over the church and each of its members, so husbands have authority over their wives. And just as all Christians must remain under the authority of Christ, so wives must remain under the authority of their husbands (see Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-2 and comments). The husband’s authority is not his own; it is Christ’s. Wives need to be able to see Christ—that is, Christ’s qualities—in their husbands. If a wife can see Christ in her husband, then she should not have any difficulty remaining under his authority!

Remember, wives are under the authority only of their own husbands, not of other men. Furthermore, wives are not to be treated as servants or slaves; they must not be regarded as if they were a piece of household property. Together with her husband, a wife is an equally beautiful and valuable creation of the living God; she must not be treated as inferior in any way. Rather, the husband must love and cherish his wife as he would his own body (see Ephesians 5:28; 1 Peter 3:7 and comments).

But here a question arises: How should a wife behave toward a husband who is evil? Suppose that he gets drunk and beats her, and tells her to do things that are contrary to God’s word. Should she obey him in such a situation, or not? No, she should not obey any command of her husband’s that is against God’s word. She must remember that her husband’s authority over her is really God’s authority. When the husband tries to force his wife to do something contrary to God’s will, then he can no longer claim to have God’s authority in that matter. In such a situation, the wife must obey God rather than her husband.

This same principle applies also to the relationship between parent and child, between employer and employee, and between any government and its citizens. As long as those in authority—whether parents, employers, or government officials—continue to obey God’s law, then we must submit to their authority in everything (verse 24)—that is, in all matters over which God has given them authority. But if they order us to do anything that is against God’s word, then we must not agree to do that thing. God’s command is always higher than man’s command (see Acts 4:18-20; Romans 13:1-5 and comments).

25 Notice that in verses 22-24, Paul has talked about the wife’s duty: to submit to her husband. Now in verses 25-28, Paul talks about the husband’s duty to his wife: to love her! How must the husband love his wife? He must love her as Christ loved the church. The husband must “give himself up” for his wife in the same way that Christ gave himself up for the church. Think about that; the husband’s duty is not so easy to fulfill! (Colossians 3:19).

26-27 Christ and His church can be compared to a husband and his bride. Paul wrote to the Corinthian church: I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him (2 Corinthians 11:2).

Christ loved His church, in spite of her impurity and imperfection. But more than that, He cleansed and purified her by the washing of water through the word (verse 26)—that is, through baptism²⁴ and through His word (see John 15:3 and comment). Christ desires that His church be without slain or wrinkle or any other blemish (verse 27).

28-29 Here Paul describes a second way in which husbands must love their wives—that is, as their own bodies. After mar marriage, the husband and wife become one flesh (verse 31); therefore, the husband is expected to love his wife as he loves his own body, as he loves himself.

30 Just as we care for the members of our own bodies, so in the same way does Christ care for the members of His own body, the church.

31-33 Paul quotes here from Genesis 2:24, in which God established the marriage relationship between men and women. The relation between husband and wife is the closest human relationship of all, closer even than that of mother and child ²⁵

Just as a man leaves his mother and father and becomes united with his bride, so, in a sense, did Christ leave His heavenly home and come to earth to be united with His bride, the church. Let there be the same relationship between husband and wife that exists between Christ and His church. That is, let the wife submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ; and let the husband love his wife as Christ loves the church. This is the one guaranteed prescription for a happy and successful marriage.

From this comparison of the church with a bride, we can learn something about the church’s position also. The church that disobeys her Lord is like an unfaithful wife who commits adultery. Let this not be true of our church!