The Disillusioned Believer

Jeremiah 15:15-17

Jeremiah identifies the source of his problem: God (v. 15). Jeremiah is suffering disgrace, and he is doing it for God—for the sake of the call. His bitterness is now compounded because he clearly doesn’t deserve such trouble. This is why he is so upset. His expectations are unmet. This type of thing should not happen to this type of man. It’s not reasonable.

First, Jeremiah loved the word of God (v. 16a). Second, Jeremiah was called by God (v. 16b). Third, Jeremiah did not associate with those who hated God (v. 17). In fact, he was filled with godly indignation against that type of people. It just did not seem justifiable that such bad things should happen to such an obedient person. So with all of that, why would God treat him this way? In this passage Jeremiah says he is like the man of Psalm 1:1-3. He loves the word of God and does not associate with sinners. The man of Psalm 1 is the blessed man, but Jeremiah feels like the cursed man. Why is this happening?

Typically a blessing is indeed attached to obedience. This is clear enough from Scripture. However, a blessing is not a right or mandate. A blessing is just that: a blessing. It is given at the dictate and will of the divine Blesser. Since those he blesses do not have his perfect wisdom, it stands to reason that they will not always understand why he gives and takes away. This is a mercy, of course, but it is also a mystery.

The mystery of missing blessing is leading Jeremiah down the road of bitterness. Tragically, perhaps, this bitterness is leading to self-pity.

Jeremiah 15:18

Jeremiah asks, Why am I in this situation that will never go away? It is like a wound that will not heal. The thought of relief cannot be conceived.

Then he uses a telling metaphor for God: God is like a mirage. A mirage is a problem because it appears real, but a mirage never quenched any thirsts. A mirage never refreshes. A mirage never heals. The mind is playing tricks on the body. This is how we feel in the low point of self-pity: we cannot be healed, and it is God’s fault.

Remember, self-pity is self-induced and therefore is self-oriented. It is not required or demanded. It is something we bring on ourselves.

So how does God respond to complaining that leads to disillusionment, bitterness, and self-pity? Jeremiah is told to repent.

Jeremiah 15:19-21

Jeremiah had gone too far. In resenting his call, developing bitterness against others, and manifesting self-pity, he had sinned. The call was a privilege but a hard privilege. God never promised that it would be easy or filled with affirmation. “By accusing God of deceiving him and of failing him when he needed him, Jeremiah had overstepped the bounds of what a servant of God can say” (Huey, Jeremiah, Lamentations, 163).

God then rebukes him (v. 19a). It is a simple and clear call to change his heart and to seek God and his call on his life. Yet, while the call is clear, it is also conditional. God expects things. The expectations God gives here serve as a model for ministry.

God was going to restore him. That was clear enough. However, the restoration was conditioned on a fresh commitment to God’s word. This may be the most concise statement on the call in Scripture: the choice to speak noble words and not worthless words. This is the antithesis of the prophets who were running when not sent and speaking before they had heard from God.

Once Jeremiah decides that he will speak God’s words and not his own words, God makes some specific promises. First, God will make him impenetrable (v. 20). This clearly does not mean a life free from attack. Rather, while he will be beaten, he will not be broken. As Paul would later say, “We are afflicted in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed” (2 Cor 4:8-9).

Second is a promise of deliverance (v. 21). Even though he will be attacked, he will not be broken, and even though he will be faced with powerful and evil people, he will not be under their control. Is there anything else one could ask for in ministry? We could of course ask to never face any hard people, but that is not ministry in any meaningful sense. Hardened people are in need of ministry. This is a good thing because ministering to hard people develops “hide” on the minister who is called to speak to them. This is Christian ministry: the ability to listen to God in the still quiet moments and then to take those insights where people do not respond. Soft heart, thick skin.

Perhaps this is why in Titus 1:8-9 Paul told Titus to find men to pastor churches who would hold “to the faithful message as taught, so that he will be able both to encourage with sound teaching and to refute those who contradict it.” A true pastor is both a lover and a fighter. Or more accurately, he fights because he loves. He loves God’s Word, so he is a steward of the Word, but he loves God’s people, so he is a shepherd of the sheep.

The existence of a disillusioned pastor may be more common than we know. Or perhaps it is not common enough. Jeremiah descended into self-pity because he was obedient. Don’t miss this. Jeremiah’s depression is not the hangover brought by the guilt of last night’s sin. He is not waking up to find that he has played fast and loose with the prompting of the Holy Spirit to his own demise. This is the residue of righteousness, what remains when someone has a long obedience in the same direction, as Eugene Peterson terms it. This is the ten-year pin of faithful service. He is suffering because his message was so contrary to the direction of the culture that he was understandably maligned, mistreated, abused, and eventually threatened with death. Perhaps we are not more disillusioned because our message of hope, peace, and prosperity can, in some synchronistic way, share the same vocabulary with a world that does not want suffering at any price—a world whose god is comfort and guilt-free sin. We are not discouraged by how the world treats us because we feigned niceties in order to be accepted by them. So, while we never want to be disillusioned, we should want the same obedience Jeremiah had.

Perhaps we struggle with disillusionment but for all the wrong reasons. We have expectations that God is obligated to provide a certain comfort in life, a certain set of circumstances, a certain gravitas in our career and grace to our life. Yet the life promised to the follower of Jesus Christ is no greater than the life of Christ. Jesus promised a discipling equity: If they hated Jesus, they will hate us. We are the mediator between a God who demands holiness and a world that demands its right to be unholy. How can we, under any circumstance, avoid that tension?

So, in a strange way, there is a disillusionment that would be natural for a believer. This cannot be avoided. What can be avoided is the descent of disillusionment into bitterness and self-pity. Disillusionment is unavoidable, while self-pity is a choice—a choice of which we can repent.