Pride

Proverbs 16:18-20

Main Idea: The antidote to destructive pride is trust in Jesus.

1. Prideful Trust of Self Is Foolish and Destructive (28:26).
2. Humbly Follow God and His Word (15:31-33; 16:18-20; 30:1-6).
3. Humbly Follow Godly Instruction and Counsel (10:8).

The prevailing idea of our pop culture is “Follow your heart, and you can’t go wrong.” From Disney movies to The Bachelor, we are told to follow our hearts in order to make the best decisions for our lives. Whom should I date? Whom should I marry? Should I stay married? What career path should I choose? To answer those kinds of questions, you just need to ask, What does my heart tell me? Even “Christian” counsel often seems to be a mix of Bible verses and “follow your heart.” Be true to you, or be true to who God made you to be—however you might define that—and things will always work out.

Such counsel is foolish. Charles Spurgeon was spot on: “The heart is a den of evil” (“Meeting of the Neighboring Churches”). Left to ourselves, we choose wrongly because we have sinful hearts. We do not see the world rightly, so we make decisions that ruin our lives. Proverbs reveals that wisdom and foolishness basically boil down to two issues of the heart: humility and pride. Those who are prideful and trust in themselves for decision ­making will fall, but those who are humble and trust in the Lord for decision making will be wise. Everything can boil down to pride and humility (16:18-20).

Prideful Trust of Self Is Foolish and Destructive

Proverbs 28:26

The world calls us to pride and self-exaltation, but the Bible warns us about these companion sins. While the Disney Channel tells you to rely on yourself and follow your heart, the Bible says that is foolishness. Proverbs 28:26 says, “Whoever trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered” (author’s translation). The reason it is wrong to pridefully follow your heart is because your heart is sinful. Proverbs 20:9 asks, “Who can say, ‘I have kept my heart pure; I am cleansed from my sin’?” The rhetorical question is posed in such a way that the expected answer is, no one! (Waltke, Proverbs, Chapters 15–31, 135). Because of our sinful and impure condition, we do not choose rightly. We do not see things clearly, and therefore following our hearts is deadly because we will not be “delivered” (i.e., saved). A pride that thinks we are always right and does not see things for the way they really are is a deadly thing.

Even though our pride clouds our vision of the world, there are still some wisdom patterns that we can see in our sinful condition, such as the fact that laziness generally leads to poverty. However, there are things that are wise to God that are foolishness to men, and there are things that are foolishness to God that we think are wise (see 1 Cor 1). Our logic is contaminated by sin, folly, and pride; and the biggest problem is that we cannot even see it. The wisdom of this age makes sense to us because it’s all we know. Therefore, it’s difficult for us to know what is truly wise and right in life. We pridefully think our view is the correct one.

There are plenty of examples where being wise in God’s eyes will require the humility to look strange in the world’s eyes. The world says you should sleep with your girlfriend before you marry her. After all, how else will you know if you like being romantic with her? God says that’s destructive, and we can observe that in the pain that many experience as a result of premarital sex or in the higher divorce rate among those who live together before marriage. Still, we choose to ignore the evidence. Or the world says to get what you want now and pay for it later. Spend money you don’t have! But God says that is foolish. Again, we can see that with the massive credit card debt of our culture and the heavy burden it brings. We choose to ignore the evidence because our hearts are sinful, broken, and prideful.

God’s wisdom clashes with the wisdom of the world. Worldly wisdom says, “If you want to be rich, you need to be stingy and keep things for yourself.” But godly wisdom says, “One person gives freely, yet gains more; another withholds what is right, only to become poor” (11:24). Worldly wisdom says, “If someone wrongs you, get back at them, hold a grudge, or revel in their failures.” But godly wisdom says, “Don’t gloat when your enemy falls” (24:17) and, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat” (25:21). Do good to your enemy! Worldly wisdom says, “Money will make you happy, so get as much as you can.” But godly wisdom says, “Anyone trusting in his riches will fall” (11:28) and, “A righteous person eats until he is satisfied” (13:25). Be content with what you have! God says that often you will be happier with less: “Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure with turmoil” (15:16). While the world calls us to chase money with all we have, we can observe that riches often bring great sadness. As Matt Chandler said, “I’ve never met someone who came from a really poor background whose parents loved them and were around a lot, who was really bitter about the fact they drove a trashy car. . . . But I have met devastated young men and women with very expensive cars and very nice clothes whose daddy and mommy was [sic] never around” (“Mission of God”).

The world says, “If you want to get ahead in life, you need to promote yourself.” But God says, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth” (27:2). The world says, “Be buddies with your kids. Don’t discipline them or say no to them. You don’t want them to be maladjusted, do you?” But God says, “The one who loves [his son] disciplines him diligently” (13:24). The world says, “Follow your heart when it comes to dating, the friends you have, the style of clothes you wear, or the lifestyle you lead. Don’t listen to your parents or your pastors. Be yourself!” Proverbs says that listening to your heart is foolish. You need to submit to your parents and listen to godly counsel. Worldly wisdom says, “Go along to get along. Don’t jeopardize friendships by having difficult conversations; it’s not your business anyway.” But godly wisdom says, “Better an open reprimand than concealed love” (27:5). God tells us these things because he loves us.

Some of the things the world tells us—if we take a step back—are easily seen as foolish, but others are not. We cannot see how bragging is self-destructive, but God says these things are foolish and will be called to account. Our big problem is not a lack of information but rather that we do not see the world rightly because of our heart condition; and the even bigger problem is that we do not even know it! We are wise in our own eyes, and Proverbs says that is the epitome of foolishness (21:2).

Foolishness is a lot like colorblindness, and I know a lot about color­blindness because I ( Jon) am struck with this malady. At my house, one of our girls’ favorite games is to hold up items and ask daddy, “What color is this?” while they giggle uncontrollably when I cannot answer! I cannot see colors rightly (neither can two of my brothers)—they look different to me than to most people. Proverbs says that is how foolishness is. You are not able to see things the way they really are. You cannot perceive the right order of things. For example, all of us have watched movies or sitcoms on network TV that our grandparents would have considered hardcore pornography. We don’t consider them hardcore because we have grown up in a culture where seeing skin, lots of skin, does not shock us (Moore, Walking the Line). We are self-deceived and cannot see that we are thinking wrongly; so we go against the grain of how God designed the world, and we hurt ourselves and often others as well.

“There is a way that seems right to a person, but its end is the way to death” (14:12; 16:25). What seems like the right course to you actually will lead you to ruin and death because you are not seeing things clearly. Left to ourselves, we will pridefully choose the wrong way. Proverbs says, “Foolishness is bound to the heart of a youth” (22:15). Anyone who has children knows that this is true. A parent does not have to teach their kids to be stingy with their toys, but they do have to teach them to share. Wise choices—like sharing—do not come to us naturally. That is true for children, but it is also true for adults. We are just as self-deceived. As Proverbs says, “A fool’s way is right in his own eyes, but whoever listens to counsel is wise” (12:15). It is foolish to think your way is always right and not to listen to counsel in your life, whether it comes from a parent, a pastor, or a godly friend. But again, wisdom requires humility whereas foolishness is the pride that refuses to submit to counsel.

We need to be called away from pride—trusting in ourselves—to trusting the Lord. Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding.” These are two sides of the same coin: trust God not yourself, walk in humility not pride. “Don’t be wise in your own eyes,” Proverbs 3:7 states. So foolishness consists of pridefully thinking that you are wise or that your way is always right; it’s a lack of humility.

This kind of pride and self-deception is deadly dangerous. Proverbs 26:12 asks, “Do you see a person who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Wow! You are worse than a fool if you are cocky enough to think you are wise. You push back because you are sure that you are right, and you hurt yourself in the process: your plans fail because you did not seek advice, you wreck your family because you thought it was OK to step out on your marriage, you run your family into the ground because you thought life was all about money, or your kids are out of control because you thought discipline was outdated. If you trust yourself or you care too much about what others think of you, it can ruin your life. Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of mankind is a snare, but the one who trusts in the Lord is protected.” If you fear man rather than God—if you want to be liked and accepted too much—it will lead to foolish and harmful decisions.

So if pride is essentially the epitome of foolishness, how and where do we look for wisdom in decision making?

Humbly Follow God and His Word

Proverbs 15:31-33; 16:18-20; 30:1-6

Proverbs as a whole, and Proverbs 16 in particular, tells us that wisdom is found in humbly trusting God. After all, he made the world, and he knows how it works. Proverbs encourages us to look to God and his Word for wisdom. If one were to boil down the message of Proverbs, it might look like this: “Trust God, not yourself!” Or “Be humble, not prideful.” This is what Solomon means when he says that the fear of the Lord is the key component to wisdom (1:7; 9:10; etc.). What does that mean? It means that there are two components to gaining wisdom: humbly look away from yourself, and look to God and his Word. The fear of Yahweh is reverent awe and dependence on him—as he has revealed himself in his Word—that leads to obeying him. This is a healthy fear of him who can cast both soul and body into hell (Matt 10:28). True wisdom entails the humility to know that you do not know it all!

So if the boiled-down message of Proverbs is to trust God with all your heart and not lean on your own understanding, then this requires humility, which is almost synonymous in Proverbs with the fear of Yahweh (see 15:31-33). The first step to wisdom is to realize that you are not wise. In order to have knowledge, you must first recognize that you do not know everything and you are not always right. Wisdom is being humble enough to admit that, and then submitting yourself to God and wise counsel. Proverbs 9:8-10 says that when you correct a wise man he will be wiser still. This means that you never arrive at the point where you are so wise that you do not need to humble yourself to correction. On the other hand, pride is the essence of foolishness in many ways. Proverbs 11:2 states, “When arrogance comes, disgrace follows; but with humility comes wisdom,” and Proverbs 16:18-20 explains that “Pride comes before destruction . . . and the one who trusts in the Lord will be happy.”

The fear of Yahweh and the knowledge of God seem to be parallel concepts (2:5). The bottom line is that a personal relationship with God is the key to wisdom. We fear him because he is the one who gives wisdom—it comes from his mouth, which also points us to the Word of God (2:6; cf. 30:5-6). In order to fear God and be wise, we must go to his Word and submit to its authority for our lives.

In Proverbs 30:1-6 Agur acknowledges that he is not wise—since wisdom starts with recognizing your own ignorance—and that wisdom lies in heaven with God. No one has gone up to him to get wisdom. Wisdom belongs to him, and it belongs to his Son (30:4; Jesus!). Not only is wisdom found in the Son, but it is also found in God’s words (30:5-6).^[42] God’s words are sufficient to shape our lives; one does not need to add to them. The problem for our lives is that we often try to add to God’s Word. We think we need something else in addition to Scripture—something more relevant, practical, or helpful. “Proverbs is not sufficient to inform my parenting; I need to grab a book from Books-A-Million to supplement it.” “Proverbs cannot really tell me how to manage my finances, so I need to let Dave Ramsey do that.” I am not saying that you shouldn’t read other resources, but the lack of confidence in the sufficiency of God’s Word among Christians is tragic.

So we need God’s Word to shape our worldview in order to observe the world through that lens. We need to view the world through the lens of the written Word and the living Word—Jesus of Nazareth ( John 1:1-18) (Goldsworthy, Tree of Life, 187). Otherwise, we cannot see how corrupted the world around us is. We hear this throughout Proverbs as it exhorts us to keep the commands, look to the law, and look to the prophets (29:18). Hamilton points out that the words used in this verse connect Proverbs with the rest of the Old Testament (i.e., the Law and the Prophets) since the words used here refer to the law of God and the visions of the prophets (God’s Glory, 272). God must write the Word on our hearts through conversion, but our responsibility is to actively bind the words of this book around our neck, write them on our hearts, and wrap them around our fingers, like Old Testament Israel (3:3; cf. Deut 6). One practical way to do this is to wear something on your wrist like a rubber band with a Bible reference written on it so you can be reminded constantly to meditate on it.

Trusting God and his Word brings life. Proverbs 28:14 states, “Happy is the one who is always reverent, but one who hardens his heart falls into trouble.” So there is blessing if you fear Yahweh, but if you reject him it will be disastrous. Trusting the Lord prolongs life, whereas folly can ruin your life or lead to a premature death (Fox, Proverbs 1–9, 143). Trusting Yahweh has positive consequences on the family because it gives your children a refuge (14:26). It leads to not having anxiety because you are satisfied in the Lord (19:23). Trusting Yahweh leads to a good reputation, joy in life now, and eternal life in the age to come. So recognize that prideful insistence that you always know what is right is actually wrong, and humbly submit yourself to the Lord!

Humbly Follow Godly Instruction and Counsel

Proverbs 10:8

Proverbs tells its reader that godly wisdom is often mediated through human agents like parents. But it could also be applied to counselors, authority figures, or pastors. Foolishness means not submitting to these agents because you do not think that you need to, because in your pride you think you are always right. Wisdom means submitting to godly counsel that accords with the Word of God. You humbly submit to it because you know that you need it, need to learn more, and need to learn from your mistakes. Proverbs 10:8 states, “A wise heart accepts commands, but foolish lips will be destroyed.” One must recognize that correction is in your best interest, and that it is not in your self-interest to ignore counsel (though many if not most people act as though it is).

The first place that a person is called to submit humbly is to their parents, as if they are obeying the Lord himself (1:8; 2:1; 3:1; 4:1,10; etc. cf. Eph 6:1-2). Proverbs 13:1 says, “A wise son responds to his father’s discipline, but a mocker doesn’t listen to rebuke.” God has placed this authority in your life for your good. Wise children will recognize that and submit to their parents’ authority, while fools will refuse to listen to their parents. Fools think their parents are unwise and outdated, but you will learn one day just how foolish that is. The following is attributed to Mark Twain, although its provenance is unclear: “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

Someone might object, “But I have ungodly parents!” The Bible says we are still supposed to submit to ungodly authority that he has placed in our lives. Paul exhorts the church at Rome to submit to a government run by Nero, who is turning Christians into human candles to light his garden parties (Rom 13). The Bible is clear that unless the ordained authority in your life is forcing you to disobey God, you are to submit to it (Dan 3; 6; Acts 4). So listen to your parents when you are in their home because they have more experience and wisdom than you do. And when you are grown and out of the house, seek their counsel on major decisions.

Outside of parents’ authority over their children, there are people in our lives who are either authority figures or can be counselors, like pastors (Heb 13), bosses, teachers, and peer advisors in our church families. A great gift from God is a godly friend who will tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. We should all want people in our lives who can correct us because that is for our good. We are designed with a need for community—a church family. Proverbs 15:22 says as much: “Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Two heads are better than one; your own opinion on the situation is not sufficient. If you do not recognize this, the consequences will be ruinous. Pridefully refusing to listen to counsel harms you and the people around you. You will go astray, and you just might lead others astray as well by your foolishness (see 10:17).

Conclusion

We are programmed to reject the voice of God and listen to the wrong voice—usually our own! It has been this way since Eden. The voice of the serpent deceived Eve into going after what her own eyes said was right instead of listening to the word of God (Gen 3). That’s foolishness. That is pride! She rejected God’s word, and instead she listened to the serpent’s word and followed what her eyes said was wise. Trusting yourself and listening to Satan go hand-in-hand; after all, pride caused his fall (Ezek 28:17). Eve sought wisdom and knowledge apart from the word of God, and it was destructive because it led to death. She became the arbiter of what was good and evil instead of allowing God’s word to determine those realities, and we’ve been doing it ever since. All of us have chosen to disobey God’s word—we have chosen the wisdom of the world over God’s word.

But there is one man who did not give in to the temptation in the garden. He said in his garden, “Not what I want but what you want,” and he went to the cross. First Corinthians 1 tells us that act was foolishness to the world, but it’s the wisdom and power of God. If we are going to be wise in God’s eyes, that will mean looking strange in the eyes of the world. And if we are going to be wise, that means humble submission to the one who is God’s wisdom and sanctification for us. It will mean having the mind of Jesus, who humbled himself to the point of death—even to death on a cross (Phil 2:5-11). So fear Jesus and humbly walk in wisdom!

Reflect and Discuss

1. What are some examples from pop culture or anecdotally from your own life that demonstrate the culture’s advice to follow your heart in order to make the right decisions in daily life? What do you think is the driving force behind that counsel?
2. Why is it a sign of pride to follow your own heart?
3. What are some examples of actions or conditions that are accepted in our culture that would have been outrageous a century ago? Which of these progressions are consistent with the Scriptures, and which ones are a departure from the Scriptures?
4. Give some examples of counsel that people give to others at work, to friends, or to their neighbors about marriage, parenting, work, finances, etc., that would be considered “worldly wisdom” by the Bible. What does the Bible counsel in those situations instead?
5. Give some examples of how pride can lead you to ruin and heartache in your life.
6. We are called to humbly look to God and his Word for wisdom. What are some practical ways we can do that in our daily lives?
7. Have you ever received counsel that was extremely helpful to you? What about unhelpful counsel? What was the difference between the two?
8. Why does it require humility to seek counsel?
9. Why does God tell us to submit to authority—even if it is not necessarily Christian authority?
10. What criteria should determine when you reject authority?