Broken Relationships

Apparently, the priests in Malachi’s day had not learned this lesson from Israel’s history. Neglecting God’s clear commands by chasing after foreign wives resulted in their offerings being rejected. What a high price to pay for selfish gain!

The third citation against the people was in their faithlessness to the partner of their marriage. For the third time God offers a criticism against His people (vv. 11, 12, 13). To understand God’s disapproval, we must first identify whose “tears” are on the altar. The tears are of the men who have divorced their wives to marry pagan women. Now they expect the Lord to acquit them of the crime by accepting their offering.

Did you notice the emotional anguish in this verse? The men are “weeping and groaning”; however, God’s mind is made up. He essentially responds to them, “I have cut you off from My presence.” We see in this text the covenantal nature of marriage, as we see throughout the OT (e.g., Prov 2; Ezek 16). In the garden of Eden God used identical covenantal language when He stated, “A man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). Both participants are to leave the influence of their past and create, together, a new union under the guidance of a holy God. Jesus affirms this covenant in the NT:

But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate. (Mark 10:6-9)

Malachi connects the covenant of marriage to their covenant with God. Effectively, God says, “You men married your wives by way of a covenant, which is a depiction of your relationship with Me.”

Surprisingly, the priests respond ignorantly: “For what reason?” They’re asking why God rejects their worship. The Lord answers,

Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have acted treacherously against her, though she was your marriage partner and your wife by covenant.

One Puritan commentator described what’s happening in this verse:

The woman whom you have wronged was the companion of those earlier and brighter days of your life when, in the bloom of her young beauty she left her father’s house and shared in your early struggles and rejoiced in your later success, who walked arm in arm with you along the pilgrimage of your life cheering you in its trials by her gentle ministry. And now when the bloom of her youth has faded and the friends of her youth have gone, when her father and mother whom she left for you are in the grave, then you cruelly cast her off as a worn out worthless thing and insult her holiest affections by putting an idolater and a heathen in her place. (Moore, Haggai, 134).

We live in a day when divorce is not a last resort, but the first. Tom Brokaw, several years ago, spoke about the generation of men and women who lived through World War II, saying, “it was the last generation in which, broadly speaking, marriage was a commitment and divorce was not an option” (Greatest Generation, 231). But now people think separation would be easier for their situation, though it often only causes more problems. What is more terrible is that the true casualties of divorce are the children. They are the bystanders of separation and they are the ones who feel it the most.

Friends, let me challenge you: before a Christian should ever divorce, he should do everything in his power to make it work. Remember that your marriage agreement is not just with your wife, it’s with God. When you repeated, “I do,” you spoke those words in the presence of God.

Finally, Malachi gives a challenge, a charge. Implicitly, he said, “Follow the instructions of God. You men have been faithless to the precepts of God. You’ve been faithless to people of God. You’ve been faithless to the partner of your marriage. But now I want you to follow the instructions of God.” Look at verses 15-16:

Didn’t the one God make us with a remnant of His life-breath? And what does the One seek? A godly offspring. So watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously against the wife of your youth.

“If he hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord God of Israel, “he covers his garment with injustice,” says the Lord of Hosts. Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously.

The command to “watch yourselves” is a means of protection. It is a practical command for us to monitor the negative, unspiritual information that we receive from unbelievers. We need to monitor who is speaking into our lives about our biblical commitments, particularly the covenant we have made with our spouse.

If I have a strangely shaped mole on my leg, I won’t go to a salesman friend of mine and ask, “Hey Mike, can you come look at this thing?” He may bend down and say, “Wow, that growth is asymmetrical and discolored. Spider veins are shooting out from the sides. It looks fine to me. Just put some Neosporin on it. You’ll be fine in the morning.” Would I follow that advice? No! I probably wouldn’t seek Mike’s opinion in the first place! I would make an appointment to see a doctor to diagnose my problem. So why would you ever listen to unbelievers about a covenant you made with God? Wouldn’t you seek godly counsel from brothers and sisters in the church to speak into your relationship?

The University of Chicago supports this advice with their study of people who stayed together and people who divorced. The researchers found that couples in the midst of struggle had a significant chance of staying together when married friends encouraged them to remain together. On the other hand, couples in turmoil had a higher risk of divorce when their divorced friends expressed bitter anger toward their own ex-husbands or ex-wives (Braverman, “Healthy, Wealthy, & Wed”).

Paul says that bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor 15:33). Who makes up your closest friends? Whose advice is central in your life? If you want to know your future, take a photograph of your friends.

Verse 16 effectively states, “God hates divorce.” This is the hardest verse in Malachi to translate accurately. What we can say is that emphasis is added to what is being said, with God’s name framing the statement. In essence, God bookends this truth with His signature. He says, “You can take this to the bank. This is something I do not want to happen. Divorce is comparable to smearing lies and treachery on your clothes, which is a deplorable act. Don’t do it.” The marriage covenant is a picture of Christ, the bridegroom, and His relationship with His church, the bride (Eph 5:22-32). A divorce portrays a picture of Christ (the man) abandoning His church, which He never does, and the church (the woman) leaving Christ, something we are advised not to do.

Edward Gibbon wrote The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire in the eighteenth century. In this six-volume work he says there are five reasons why the Roman Empire fell—the great Roman Empire, the indestructible Roman Empire. Would you take a stab at some of the five? Let me give you two of them that I think are apropos to this text.

The first and foremost reason the Roman Empire fell was the rapid divorce within the community, which in turn undermined the dignity and sanctity of the home. Divorce was the number one reason. A second reason was the decay of religion—at that time, Christianity—allowing it to become ritualistic and lifeless. This is after the rise of Constantine, when Christianity moved from the little “c” catholic church, that is, the universal church, to the big “C” Catholic Church, led by the military leader Constantine. As he looked at history, Gibbon concluded that Rome did not fall because of enemies from without; rather, it imploded from within. Those in the West today should take heed.

It is easy to take some of these words and begin publicly flogging people who have been divorced. However, let the record show: divorce is not the unpardonable sin. God does not hate divorce any worse than He hates any other sin; all sin is deplorable to the Lord. So what do you do if you’ve been divorced? You repent, ask God for forgiveness, and move forward with your life because failure is not final in your life. The past is unchangeable. If God has forgiven you, forgive yourself.

Let me remind you, brother or sister who isn’t divorced—before you begin to point the finger at another person who is divorced—to look at the landscape of your own life to determine ways you have failed and places you have fallen. Who can stand in the presence of a holy God? Listen to God’s Word and, whether you’re remarried, married for the first time, or about to be married, settle it in your heart now that you will stay together to the end. “Till death do us part” is not a line you casually repeat. Make it a mantra to live by.

Finally, we must look to the One who was faithful, Jesus Christ. Israel was seduced by other gods, but Jesus Christ remained faithful to the God of the covenant, and He relentlessly pursued His bride while on earth as an example for us. Even though people were unfaithful to Him, Christ remained faithful, all the way to the cross, so that He might purchase the redemption of His people with His own blood. This is the story of the gospel, it is the standard for faithfulness, it is the confidence of our salvation, and it is the only hope we have to mend all of our broken relationships.