How to Love More Than Just on Valentine’s Day
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Here are some adjectives to help you recognize burdensome “love:”
1. Transactional: in return for a gift, the giver expects praise. He or she also expects you to overlook sin. Or you are expected to repay a gift with sex, obedience, money, turning a blind eye to sin, and even complicity in his or her sin.
2. Controlling: you feel like you didn’t deserve the flowers he bought; he makes this clear. Shaming you helps him to control you. Sometimes, you want to break free, but it’s as though you’re trapped: who else would have you? Your identity is distorted.
3. Exhausting: nothing you do is enough. Trying to please this person or at least not arouse her anger consumes your thoughts. You don’t have time to pray or for fellowship.
4. Disinterested: the giver isn’t paying attention to what you say. You don’t like pink? You love butterflies but cats scare you? Perfume makes you sneeze? He still gives you a pink bottle of perfume or a stuffed animal cat.
5. Violent: I mean emotionally as well as physically and sexually. Love doesn’t call names, doesn’t withhold affection or go “silent” for hours or days, and certainly never lashes out with a slap or a punch. Love doesn’t read your mail or your texts and doesn’t tell you which friends you can see.
Real, gospel love patiently learns how to serve the other person, and with two people mutually doing this, the bond tightens. They’re both doing the same thing, so each one is being served by the other in God-honoring ways.
Gospel love is on display all the time, it has not been perfected yet, but you don’t have to wait a full year to see the signs. A healthy union reflects the truth that God’s grace for us is a gift, there is no possibility we can pay Christ back for his shed blood, but we aren’t ashamed if we remember he did this because he loves us and so that we can be with him eternally.
He gave his life “for the joy that was set before him [and] endured the cross, despising the shame” (Hebrews 12:2). Gospel love is joyous.
In love, we walk each other to the cross. Even in a romantic relationship, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ first. We are all Christ’s people before we are each other’s, and even then, we don’t belong to our spouse. That’s a slave-master relationship. That’s not love.
We’re aiming to reflect all the facets of love all the time because we are aiming to love like Jesus. We try to be as loving as Jesus by observing how he loved and practicing daily by praying for direction and a soft heart.
This love is a work in progress. “Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked” (1 John 2:6). With couples who really get it, their joy spills over onto others. They’ve got plenty to go around.
I know, some of you are saying, “Lighten up! Valentine’s Day is just a bit of fun!” And, for Christians, the most loving day of the year is Good Friday anyway, when Christ laid down his life for us. February 14 is more like “mild fondness day” by comparison.
My closest friends are going to send me heart emojis on Valentine’s Day, just to mess with me. They will also show love by sending sentimental greeting cards because I need scrap paper for writing my weekly to-do list. For February 15, the number one notation will be “buy cheap Valentine’s chocolate.” And, because I love them, I’ll share!
For further reading:
What Is Valentine's Day and Is it Connected to Christianity?
Why Can’t a Romantic Relationship Fulfill You?
What Does the Bible Say about Abusive Relationships?
What Is the Love Language of Receiving Gifts?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/SouthWorks
