What Is Spiritual Abuse?
Share
Whether or not you clicked on this article because you knew a lot about spiritual abuse or because you didn't, that phrase in and of itself is sure to bring up deep and visceral feelings. For some, maybe a heavy feeling in your gut because you are all too familiar with spiritual abuse. For others, perhaps a feeling of defensiveness because it's hard to believe that abuse can happen at the hands of those meant to shepherd us spiritually, or that Christianity could ever lead to harm. But either way, I hope you can take a deep breath and receive these words with compassion and humility, because I believe this is one of the most important conversations the evangelical church should be having.
But when there is no room for questioning these convictions, our individual souls and personhoods and unique walks with God quickly devolve into a list of "do's and don'ts." Or further, "do this and don't do this, or else."
Again, spiritual abuse is about control. And if you can get people to believe that there is safety, goodness, and belonging within the community, and only darkness and evil outside of the community, then they will do anything you say to stay inside of it.
Jesus was about bringing people who were on the outside into his community. Spiritually abusive contexts will make someone feel as if they are being brought in, but it's at the expense of others being pushed out; others who are not holy, righteous or submissive enough. And with this is the implication that if you do not stick to their mold, you will soon be on the outside, too.
Agency over themselves, their lives, and their bodies. Chen explains that with spiritual abuse comes an "inferred or explicitly stated distrust of our own bodies. Our emotions are only deceitful. Can't be trusted. Any wisdom we can claim to come from ourselves can't be trusted unless vetted by someone in authority or leadership."
Adam Young, who is also a licensed clinical social worker, also emphasizes the manipulative nature of spiritual abuse.
"If you question this belief, this authority, you will be cut off from this community, maybe your family, and oftentimes cut off from God. Deeply physical and relational. We feel these things in our bodies. Whether it's verbalized or not, you feel a sense of 'I cannot think for myself. I cannot ask certain questions. I can't even wonder about certain questions because in that sense I am risking being kicked out'. If not officially, informally. Excluded from relationships that are really quite important to me. And that's all part and parcel of spiritual abuse," Young said.
If you've ever had Jeremiah 17:9 used against you, you know exactly what this feels like. Yes, there is wisdom in getting advice and not solely trusting your emotions. But it becomes spiritually abusive when you are told that your emotions are only deceitful, that your heart is only wicked and selfishly ambitious.
After a while of hearing this, you start to distrust your own body's gut reactions. You can't trust yourself, the very soul that God created, because you must rely on your institution for what to do and think.
Spiritual abusers' message is, "You are not good because you are sinful. But I will bring order to your life if you follow these strict guidelines and don't question me. I will give you this mold to fit, and then and only then will you be good."
When we submit to this thinking, however, we lose and forfeit our very selves. We were already created in the image of God; we do not need to conform to the image that a man-made church culture has come up with.
This is only scratching the surface. It is my personal intention within my own life, and my intention with these articles to give words to the experience of so many, and ultimately to bring healing. Spiritual abuse may be ineffably damaging, but not by any means outside the purview of God's goodness and grace.
Sources:
Spiritual Abuse — Commodities and Variables
What Is "Spiritual" Abuse? A Working Definition
The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily reflect those of Christian Headlines.
Photo courtesy: ©Getty Images/Marjan Apostolovic
The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily reflect those of CrosswalkHeadlines.
Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience him deeper. Check out her handmade earrings on Instagram and her website for more of her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavors.