Running Through Rebellion - iBelieve Truth - May 14, 2024
Matthew 6:22-23, “The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness.”
Looking back on those years of running through rebellion, I see a girl who wanted nothing more than to be pursued. My heart yearned for wholeness yet didn’t understand that wholeness was found in the One who created me. Underneath each area of pain in my story, you’d find the lie tucked away that said I was too broken and too messy to see an escape from my patterns of sin.
Not so long ago I found myself deep in prayer asking The Lord where my rebellion stemmed from. When did the brokenness begin entangling my heart? Who sowed the seed? You see, I wasn’t a textbook rebellious girl. My issues didn’t stem from lacking my dad’s affection. It was quite the opposite. My dad has always been in my corner. Rooting for me, supporting me, always telling me how beautiful, capable, kind, and gifted I am. This issue with worth, value, and love just wasn't making sense to me…
He led me back to my seven-year-old self sitting on the carpet in the back room at a family member's house when I was exposed to a type of TV show no girl should've ever been exposed to.
At that moment sin planted a seed. The seed was sown through my eyes and slithered into my heart. A seed that then continued to be watered by the world and its never-ending desire to pervert truth. The enemy latched onto this image and wanted nothing more than for me to set my gaze on this false feeling. Satan deceived me into believing a young woman needed to act like the girl on TV to be loved, pursued, and desired.
Then Lord then took me to Matthew 6:22-23, “The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness.”
This seed of deception and darkness spiraled into the awful storms that come with rebellion. I found myself in the raging seas of giving myself away in ways God never desired of me; I was led down the long road of eating issues as my heart was broken by struggling with body image, and soon I was plagued with anxiety that became never-ending.
This is what rebellion does. It shackles us and fills us with fear. It has drastic twists and turns in the road attached to all of the emotion-led choices. It grabs hold of our hearts and begins stealing other parts of who we are. Rebellion creates chaos in the very place the Lord designed to be sacred.
By the grace of God, He began the amazing work of redemption and healing from this season of my life. He took my places of pain, healed my heart, and began giving them purpose. He showed me that He loved me where I was but loved me too much to leave me unchanged. He opened my eyes to see what a good Father He is and that He was always in pursuit of me. My heart became filled with the truth that I was chosen, loved, redeemed, found, and bought with a price. He died for me so that I could live.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).
I finally believed. I finally believed that Jesus went to the cross for me.
I felt a blanket of security knowing that not one moment of my life was hidden from Him. God saw all my peaks and valleys; He was there for all of them and loved me anyway. He understood the cries of my heart. He was there the moment the seed of deception was sowed and made it His mission to bring my heart home no matter how much sin I was entangled in.
When I surrendered my life to Him, I saw that there is always an escape for those in Christ, and His Word concreted that for me. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
He will give a way of escape to those who love Him. He will lead, love, and usher us out of the darkest places. He is faithful and always truthful. My life attests to that, and I'm sure there are parts of your story that do, too. By His grace and mercy over my life, He shattered the sinful seed that was planted all those years ago. What the enemy meant for evil, God has used to write a beautiful redemption story. He showed me that no one is too dirty, too broken, or too tainted to receive the love of Christ and the truth of the gospel. He is the one who saves, redeems, and writes the story for His glory.
Pray with me:
Father God, thank you for the way you have loved me through every part of my story. Through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, you have been there. Tether my heart to your unending love and bind me to your steady faithfulness. You are good, and I'm thankful for life here on earth with you, and I eagerly await my life with you in heaven. In Jesus' name, amen.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Boonyachoat
Chelsey is the voice behind the Living with Less Podcast and author of the 52-week devotional More of Him, Less of Me: Living a Christ-centered Life in a Me-centered World. She writes devotions for Lifeway Women's Journey Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and iBelieve.com. She also writes Bible reading plans for the YouVersion Bible App. Chelsey lives in Ohio with her husband and two children. You can connect with her on Instagram @chelseydematteis and at her website ChelseyDeMatteis.com.
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