How Nehemiah Teaches Us to Respond to Emotionally Intense Circumstances
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When difficulties hit, I typically behave in one of three ways. If I allow my emotions, uninformed by truth, to drive me, I often react with aggression or panic. In other circumstances, I withdraw and disconnect.
But I’m learning, through practice, healing and spiritual growth, to more consistently respond in a healthier manner that involves prayerfully processing my situation with God, listening for His guidance, trusting His timing, and courageously following His leading into difficult yet fruitful conversations. Full discloser: This isn’t something I’ve mastered. Rather, it echoes the desire of my heart.
Put simply, I want to follow the example displayed by Nehemiah.
What Happens in the Book of Nehemiah?
If you’re familiar with Old Testament history, you might recognize the events surrounding this prominent man of God. He lived in Persia shortly after the Babylonian exile, a tragic event that occurred due to ancient Israel’s persistent and blatantly wicked behavior and rebellion against God.
By this point in the nation’s history, Cyrus, who reigned from around 560-530 BC, had permitted the first group of exiles to return to their homeland to rebuild Jerusalem, its walls, and the Temple. A second group returned under a Jewish leader named Ezra. Initially, both groups pursued this massive rebuilding project with focus and determination.
But then things stall. This is where the account of Nehemiah begins:
“The words of Nehemiah son of Hakaliah: In the month of Kislev in the twentieth year, while I was in the citadel of Susa, Hanani, one of my brothers, came from Judah with some other men, and I questioned them about the Jewish remnant that had survived the exile, and also about Jerusalem. They said to me, ‘Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire’” (Nehemiah 1:1-3).
Pause to consider how you’d respond to such news. Would you rush to formulate a plan to fix the situation? React in anger and aggression, assign blame, and demand action? Emotionally disconnect by telling yourself it wasn’t your issue or feel mentally stalled in overwhelm? Sadly, I’ve reacted to difficult news and circumstances in each of those ways. While I don’t feel called to participate in online debates, I do want to live like the light-bearing peacemaker Scripture assures me I am.
Nehemiah excelled in this. Notice his response to the unsettling news brought by the Jewish remnant.
He Expressed, Rather Than Suppressed, His Emotions
In verse 4, he said: “When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven” (emphasis added).
When we skip this step, we limit our growth and risk becoming increasingly disconnected from ourselves. We forfeit a beautiful opportunity for divine intimacy and revelation. I know this from experience.
For most of my Christian walk, I excelled at what some mental health professionals refer to as “left brain discipleship.” This model of spiritual growth implies that we can solve all our issues, including our deepest hurts and most intense emotional struggles, through right thinking. While truth and attending to “stinking thinking,” as some call it, is crucial to living aligned with Christ, “left brain discipleship” can train Christ-followers to unknowingly suppress, deny or detach from their feelings.
We might even develop the idea that God is displeased with us when we experience anger, fear, depression, or anxiety. Christian psychologist Dr. Dan Allender disagrees with this perspective. In his book, the Cry of the Soul, the former Faith Over Fear guest wrote: “All emotions, including the darker ones, give us a glimpse of the character of God. … the darker struggles with emotion can point us to priceless glimpses of God’s character through Scriptural revelation of God’s own emotions.”
Licensed mental health professional Jesseca Randall offers additional insight:
“God invites us over and over: ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ Stillness is not passive, it is therapeutic. In both emotional regulation and spiritually, stillness creates space for awareness and healing. When we allow ourselves to sit with what we feel; pain, anger, fear, sadness, worry in the presence of God, we give Him access to the root instead of trying to manage the symptoms ourselves. … Learning to sit with our emotions gives time and space for God to meet us there, not to shame us for what we feel, but to guide us with truth, comfort, and healing.”
Nehemiah Had a Heart Attuned to God
Nehemiah modeled how to respond to difficult news and circumstances in a way that honors both one’s internal reality and the Lord. Notice, while weeping for days, he turned to God through fasting and prayer. This allowed him to respond rationally, and in a godly and respectful manner that, as we will see, helped facilitate his desired result. Had he not sought the Father, presumably receiving His insight and perspective, he might have reacted in a way that brought chaos and regret.
This leads to an important life principle: Prayerful waiting is often our best response to crisis.
Notice the time stamps in the following verses:
“The words of Nehemiah son of Hakaliah: In the month of Kislev in the twentieth year, while I was in the citadel of Susa” (Nehemiah 1:1).
“In the month of Nisan in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, when wine was brought for him, I took the wine and gave it to the king. I had not been sad in his presence before” (Nehemiah 2:1).
He received the news in November or December and didn’t act on it until the following April and May. This suggests he took at least four months to process and hear from God. Then, when his spirit deemed the time right, he exhibited a courage that, some suggest, could’ve cost him his life.
According to the Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges, “It was forbidden for royal servants to appear before the king gloomy and unhappy. It was ill-omened, and suggested discontent and plotting at the court, cf. Esther 4:2. Nehemiah 2:2, which I’ll discuss later, supports this perspective.
The fact that this was the first time he displayed unpleasant emotions while performing his royal duties also suggests his tendency to remain emotionally-regulated. In other words, he allowed himself to experience the intensity of his emotions (Neh. 1:1), without letting them override his core values.
I wonder how much relational chaos I could avoid if I learned to more consistently do the same.
A Heart Guided by Wisdom
Notice, also, that he maintained his responsibilities while he waited. In other words, he remained faithful in whatever the Lord placed before him. Sometimes, I struggle with this, particularly when I’m wrestling with something involving deep anguish. This is one of the reasons I find biblical accounts such as Nehemiah so helpful. They provide a guide I can follow while also demonstrating the benefits of living according to biblical principles when everything within me wants to lash out or shut down.
That, however, is not the response to which God calls me. Thanks to the Holy Spirit living within me, I have the power to display love, kindness, gentleness, and self-control, even amid the most intense trials. That’s not to say He’s zapped me into instant saint-like behavior. I still need to grow in this area. Learning to live like Jesus is a process that involves recognizing when my heart isn’t aligned with His, spending time in His presence, and letting Him and Scripture transform my soul so that I’m naturally more inclined to behave like Him.
His integrity and the respect he showed a pagan king, along with God’s favor, of course, earned him relational equity with Artaxerxes. In Nehemiah 2:2, we read:
“So the king asked me, ‘Why does your face look so sad when you are not ill? This can be nothing but sadness of heart.’ I was very much afraid.”
God’s Hand Revealed
I find it intriguing that the king not only noticed but asked Nehemiah why he appeared so disheartened. Although Scripture doesn’t reveal anything regarding Artaxerxes’s rule prior to this encounter, his response and secular sources indicate he treated the Jews with tolerance. This shows God’s influence in granting His people favor and His providence in creating an environment that allowed Nehemiah and the returned exiles to complete His will.
This historical account demonstrates the truth of Proverbs 21:11, which states,
“In the LORD’s hand the king’s heart is a stream of water that he channels toward all who please him.”
Praise God we aren’t victims to our circumstances, earthly systems, or those in power locally, nationally or globally. No matter how things appear, our Victorious Savior remains on the throne with His history-writing pen in hand. God’s sovereignty penetrates even the thickest palace walls.
The more we reflect on God’s power, promises, and unchanging character, displayed throughout Scripture and in life, the more we’re able to respond to difficult situations with quiet confidence rather than fear. For me, this looks like taking time each morning to thank Him for His love, presence, authority and provision in my life, a practice encouraged by recent Faith Over Fear guest Kyle Idleman. When I feel particularly angsty, I like to use Philippians 4:6-9 as a prayer prompt. The passage reads:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me — put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
Breaking this down, I express my concerns to God, asking Him to intervene. I reflect on His character and express gratitude for ways He’s guided, provided for, and protected me in the past. As I rest in His presence and posture my soul to receive Him and His truth, I trust Him to fulfill the promise at the end of verse 7: to guard my heart and mind with His supernatural peace as I praise Him for things in my life that are lovely and admirable (Phil. 4:8-9). Each time I practice these steps, I orient my soul toward increased clarity, strength and tranquility.
Obedience When Afraid
In chapter 2, Nehemiah faced a difficult decision: allow his fear to lead, resulting in silence, or courageously follow God’s lead. He chose the latter, and although he felt “very much afraid,” or as the NLT phrases it, “terrified,” he revealed the cause of his anguish. But — and this is important — he did so respectfully, stating:
“May the king live forever! Why should my face not look sad when the city where my ancestors are buried lies in ruins, and its gates have been destroyed by fire?” (Nehemiah 2:3).
This could mean advocating for the weak, marginalized and misunderstood. God might invite us to set boundaries with a boss or coworker, respectfully converse with those who hold different beliefs than we do, or challenge a friend on hurtful or destructive behavior. Most importantly, it means choosing to follow however God leads, knowing that He is, at each moment, orchestrating a bigger plan than my eyes perceive.
This leads to another example in Nehemiah I find encouraging. When we fight our battles God’s way, be that through private prayer or Spirit-led action, He brings the victory. Notice the king’s response:
“The king said to me, ‘What is it you want?’ Then I prayed to the God of heaven, and I answered the king, ‘If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city in Judah where my ancestors are buried so that I can rebuild it.’ Then the king, with the queen sitting beside him, asked me, ‘How long will your journey take, and when will you get back?’ It pleased the king to send me; so I set a time” (Nehemiah 2:4-6).
As a result of Nehemiah’s God-led and strategic thinking, he left Persia with royal letters ensuring his safe travel to Jerusalem, timber for “the gates of the citadel by the temple and for the city wall and for the residence” he occupied, and the army officers and horseman to escort and protect him (Nehemiah 2:7-9).
If we read all of Ezra and Nehemiah, we discover that Nehemiah played a crucial role in reigniting the people’s hope and determination to complete the project they began but had stalled for two decades. All this because Nehemiah faithfully sought and obeyed the God who kept His “gracious hand” upon him (Nehemiah 2:8).
Imagine what our homes, workplaces, communities, nation and world might look like if we learned to follow Nehemiah’s example. The more we trust our Savior by living according to His truth and yielding to His will, the more we experience the thriving life He promised. Equally important, our strong and courageous yet respectful and kind actions reveal the power of the gospel in a way that invites others to accept Christ’s invitation of grace.
Again, I still need to grow in this area. But I am determined to do so because I am convinced it is truth, inextricably intertwined with love and grace, not hostile arguments, that changes the world.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Deagreez
Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who co-hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast and, along with a team of 6, the Your Daily Bible Verse podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and taught at writers conferences across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLou
She’s passionate about helping people experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event, and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE and make sure to connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and GodTube.