How to Love Your Christian Brother When You Don't Like Him Much

It can be easy to like and even love our Christian brothers and sisters when they are living lives pleasing to God, loving others as Christ does. Whether it is through their prayers, kind words, and even the gifts they give to others (time, patience, grace), our appreciation for them can grow through these acts of love and heighten our desire to reciprocate.

However, what about Christian brothers and sisters who test our patience instead of reward it? The Christian sister who keeps you at arm’s length but always acts like she is “there” for you around others. The Christian brother who always seems to invite everyone into the dramatic events stirred up in their life. The Christian couple who seems to have fallen into the gossip trap and use Bible studies and times of fellowship to talk about others. God doesn’t mean to love them as well, right?

When Jesus told the scribe in Mark 12:31 that “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” He wasn’t sharing it as a suggestion, but something we must do as followers of Him on a daily basis. We are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, even when it is particularly challenging.

But how can we love like Christ with people who push our buttons, make us angry, and leave us wondering how we can do this “impossible” request from God? The answer lies in looking at our own relationship with God and how He loves us even when we are hard to love.

Love When It Is Hard

There are countless Scripture verses telling us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Our neighbors are not just physical neighbors next-door, but everyone we encounter from work, home, and in our community. James 2:8, Leviticus 19:34, and Romans 13:9 are just a few examples of biblical encouragement for us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

But when we interact with fellow Christians who stir up our anger or annoyance instead of love for them, we may not know how to act out this commandment God has given. However, we need to keep in mind that loving someone when they aren’t a joy to be with is understood well by our heavenly Father.

From the Israelites lost in the wilderness to the disciples who struggled with faith, God has had His fair share of believers who tested His love for them. But just as He encourages us to love our brothers and sisters anyway when it isn’t easy, He does the same with every one of us.

We all have tested God’s patience, brought Him unnecessary grief, and done something different than what He advised, but He still loves and cares for us. And when the humility comes upon us in knowing God loves us, over and over again, then we can see the importance of offering the same love to believers who disappoint and anger us. They need God’s love like we do.

Speak Truth to Others

As we love others, even when it is hard, we are also called by God to speak the truth to our Christian brothers and sisters when we see them go down a bad path. Ephesians 4 is full of advice on speaking the truth in love to others, being patient and kind with them as you state your concern for the direction they are going or behavior they are embodying.

Ephesians 4:14-15 particularly shows the necessity of talking godly sense into our brothers and sisters in Christ. We can gently remind them that we are not children who follow whatever deceptive doctrine or thought or belief is popular right now. When we follow God’s doctrine, we grow up to become more like Christ and more able to see through the lies of Satan that tricked us before.

From there, we feel called to share God’s counsel with those who know this truth as our Christian brothers and sisters. They may believe that doing life their way is still okay to God or that they don’t have to change their behavior from what they were before Jesus.

However, if we are all authentically following God’s Word and letting it infiltrate our lives, turning our old men into new men (Ephesians 4:22-24), our attitudes, our conduct, and our thinking will change to align with God’s more than the world’s. So, by speaking the truth of how God wants someone to change, you might be part of a miracle waiting to happen. Maybe a person you didn’t like will become a person you do.

Sometimes God Has to Do it Himself

Even when we feel the humility of God’s love for us and follow His lead in reaching out to someone we aren’t fond of to share His guidance with them, people can still be set in their ways and refuse to change.

When you find yourself in a situation like this with someone you struggle to like, you may realize that God has to step in and change the person’s heart and direction Himself. Though we can still be willing to help, our efforts might be in vain if it only seems to intensify our dislike of a fellow Christian.

In a situation like this, setting boundaries with the person and regularly praying for change in their life might be what God has called you to do. I know for myself, there have been times when I have had to space out my time with the person I struggle to like. When I do this, what they do and don’t do bothers me less and makes it easier to pray for them, hope for change, and spend time with them with more patience and grace.

It is okay to admit that someone is just not a person you enjoy spending time with, but you can still show Christ’s love for them through prayer, being pleasant when you do speak to one another, and believing God can change their ways for the better instead of thinking they will never change. Taking this approach also opens the door for God to bring you into His plan for their change.

It is not always easy to love our Christian brothers and sisters as we love ourselves, but when we accept Jesus into our hearts and are saved by God’s grace, we become new people. We will still have tendencies to fall back into our carnal natures with how we act with people we don’t like, but we must break free from those thoughts and actions to let God work in us.

By remembering that we make mistakes just like our fellow Christians, but that we have been called by God to speak His truth to others, and to step aside to let God do what only He can, we may see miracles happen.

When that happens, then we are witnessing Christ’s love growing stronger in us, reminding us daily that when we are not our best selves, but God still loves us, chose us, and continues to stand by us, believing we can only get better! 

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Blair Parke is a freelance writer for BibleStudyTools.com and freelance book editor who wrote her first book, "Empty Hands Made Full," in 2021 about her journey through infertility with her husband. She previously worked for eight years with Xulon Press as an editor. A graduate of Stetson University with a bachelor's in communications, Blair previously worked as a writer/editor for several local magazines in the Central Florida area, including Celebration Independent and Lake Magazine and currently writes for the Southwest Orlando Bulletin. She's usually found with a book in her hand or enjoying quality time with her husband Jeremy and dog Molly. You can order her book at Christian Author Bookstore - Xulon Press Publishing and visit her website at Parkeplaceediting.