Rebuilding Your Family’s Firm Foundation in Christ
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According to a recent article in Business Insider, the family unit continues to be under attack. It is likely that 39% of marriages today will end in divorce, and that divorce can be financially devastating. Statistics indicate that more than 30% of child support payments are never paid and less than 50% are paid in full. Divorce is especially hard on women aged 50+, who generally suffer a 45% decrease in their standard of living.
In an effort to understand what creates a successful and fulfilling life, Harvard Medical School began to track 268 male students in 1938, and followed them through their lives. The results gathered over the decades have been astounding and have added much to our understanding of what promotes real success, or “flourishing,” in life. The researchers determined that regardless of one's socioeconomic status, the greatest predictor of life success was one's capacity for warm, intimate relationships, with spouse, family, parents and friends.
An inverse correlation could be said to exist between the deterioration of the family and the many ills of society we've experienced in our distressing times. Even Christian families today find themselves divided and facing extraordinary challenges.
Thankfully, God has created the family to give us strength and a firm foundation for our society, and to be a safe haven against the storms of life. Of course, no family is perfect – all families have a few “warts!” But if yours is in need of a total makeover, here are a few practical steps you can take.
1. Understand That the Family Unit Is Important and Worth the Effort to Fix
“I the Lord hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16).
Now notice Malachi didn’t say God hates divorced people. In Christ, there is always a fresh start available to us when life knocks us down. (My own parents were separated and divorced from one another for a total of 7 years. In their case, they wound up getting remarried to one another, and have been happily married for 25 years now.) But clearly, the better our relationships are at home, the more effective we are in life. If we strengthen our families, we will enhance our opportunities to succeed.
2. Rebuild the Family Foundation on the Word of God
“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash” (Matthew 7:24-27).
All families will go through storms. It doesn’t matter if you make all the right decisions or all the wrong decisions in life – you will face storms. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, educated, uneducated, black, white, or brown, you will face storms. It doesn’t even matter if you are righteous or unrighteous – you will face storms! Storms, according to Jesus, come to every home, the foolish homes and the wise homes as well.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Klaus Vedfelt
Storms come in many forms: financial storms, physical storms, emotional storms, job loss storms, foreclosure storms, teenage rebellion storms, marital strife storms, loss of loved ones storms. But only some homes will make it through the storms of life. One will collapse while another stands. And here’s the key – it was the house that had the right foundation.
“Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock” (Matthew 7:25).
I once read about a ship that capsized at sea. Many people drowned, but one teenager was found clinging to a rock. After he was rescued, someone asked him if he was terrified. He responded by saying, “Yes, I was shaking all the time … but the rock wasn’t.”
When storms hit your family, the question is what kind of foundation have you been building on? Build your family life not on the wisdom of this world, but on the wisdom of Almighty God.
“And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’ And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:18, 21-24).
So very simply, the reason why the Bible, God’s wisdom, should be the foundation for how we build our families is that He is the one who invented “family.” He knows how to make it work best, and then we will come into agreement.
Family life is often challenging because everyone has an opinion. One says, “I think we ought to spend our money on this.” The other says, “Well I think we ought to spend it on that!” “I think we ought to discipline the kids this way.” “Well I think we ought to discipline them that way!”
I think, you think, we all think our own opinions.
And if you happen to get a couple of people in the same room who have really strong opinions and who generally stick to their guns, you’ll have family chaos, leading to family frustration, which lead to families falling apart.
But when we agree as a family to build our homes based on the wisdom of the One who invented the family, then it becomes easy to agree. When God’s wisdom is the foundation to the family, the question is not what you say or what I say – it’s what does God say.
What does God’s word say about:
- How we should discipline our children?
- How we should manage our finances?
- How we should resolve a conflict?
- How we should communicate with one another?
- Where we should go to church?
- What values should we instill in our children?
Amos 3:3 says it like this: “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” If we can’t agree together, we can’t have a successful family. Having a standard that is already set by God makes it possible for us to unite and move forward in the same direction; it allows us to find a place of agreement that supersedes our personal preferences and opinions.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Halfpoint
3. Create a “Family Altar” (On the Sofa!)
“Build there an altar to the Lord your God” (Deuteronomy 27:5).
One simple, practical way that every family can begin to build their house on the Rock of Christ is to build a “family altar.” All the Biblical Patriarchs built altars to worship God:
“Then Noah built an altar to the LORD” (Genesis 8:20).
“Then the LORD appeared to Abram and said, “’o your descendants I will give this land.’ And there he built an altar to the LORD, who had appeared to him And built an altar to God” (Genesis 12:7).
“So he built an altar there and called on the name of the LORD, and he pitched his tent there; and there Isaac’s servants dug a well” (Genesis 26:25).
“And Moses built an altar and called its name, The-LORD-Is-My-Banner” (Exodus 17:15).
“Now Joshua built an altar to the LORD God of Israel in Mount Ebal” (Joshua 8:30).
“So Gideon built an altar there to the LORD, and called it The-LORD-Is-Peace” (Judges 6:24).
“But he always returned to Ramah, for his home was there. There he judged Israel, and there he built an altar to the LORD” (1 Samuel 7:17).
“Then Saul built an altar to the LORD” (1 Samuel 14:35).
“And David built there an altar to the LORD, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings” (2 Samuel 24:25).
But what is a “Family Altar”? The family altar is a place where we meet with God on a regular basis. It’s a place where we meet regularly to pray together and share a Scripture together. It’s a place where we worship God together.
It’s doesn’t have to be for a long time, it can be for just 5 or 10 minutes. It can be to read one Scripture verse and to simply thank God for His provision and blessing over our family.
And unlike the altars that Noah, Abraham, Moses and David built, it doesn’t have to be made of stone. It can be the family sofa. It can be chairs around the family fireplace. It can even be sitting on the floor!
But wherever it is, the family altar is a place where the family vows to meet God on a regular basis and build their home on His wisdom and His ways.
4. Take a 30 day “Family Altar Challenge”
Radical transformation of your home will happen when you put God’s word and wisdom at the center of family life. One way to get started is by taking a thirty day “family altar challenge.” For the next thirty days, erect a family altar in your home. Gather around with your family members and spend five minutes building on the foundation of Christ:
5 minutes praying for one another
5 minutes reading a portion of Scripture together
5 minutes worshipping God together
For some of you, that can be every day; for others of you, it may be on weekends only. I’m not going to tell you how to do it, but just do it. Five minutes on a regular basis over the next thirty days – I guarantee you will begin to heal family strife and marital conflict. Just watch how fast you grow closer together, even as you grow closer to Him!
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Photo credit: Getty Images/ThitareeSarmkasat
