Does the Bible Say to Avoid Sex Before Marriage?
Share
If you search for the term “Christian sex before marriage in the Bible,” you won’t find it. That’s because sex before marriage falls under sexual. Any sexual activity outside the marital relationship falls into this category.
According to a recent survey, the attitude towards sex before marriage may be changing among people in the church. According to a Pew Research Center study, Christians were asked, “Is sex between unmarried adults in a committed relationship acceptable?” Thirty-three percent responded with “always.” Twenty-four percent responded with “sometimes.”
Taking these two numbers together, we know that more than half of the Christians surveyed believe sex before marriage is acceptable. If this is a microcosm of the mindset of Christians today, then church, we have a problem.
If we are going to be honest, sex before marriage and even sex outside of marriage is nothing new. It has been going on for centuries in the world and, unfortunately, even among believers in the church. What may be new is people, especially Christians, seem to be more open about it and not trying to keep it under wraps. Christians are increasingly living together before marriage, resulting in more sex before marriage.
While this may be acceptable in our society, is this how we should live? What does the Bible say about sex before marriage? Regardless of society’s feelings, the Bible’s standard is the standard we must live by.
Does the Bible Say Sex Before Marriage Is a Bad Thing?
Growing up in church, I found that sex always seemed to be presented from a negative perspective. It was the taboo thing you needed to stay away from until you married. While they preached and taught this often, it did not help you properly deal with the sexual desires you were experiencing, especially if you were dating. Even though the intentions were good, I don’t think it created a healthy attitude towards sex.
Now, let’s answer the question: What does the Bible say about sex before marriage, and is it bad? Paul addresses the matter clearly in 1 Corinthians, writing to a church that was struggling with many members who were involved in sexual sins.
“. . . each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:2)
God created sex for the responsibility and commitment within marriage and as a means of love and pleasure expressed between a husband and wife. I know sex is also necessary for reproduction, but when people have sexual desires, they think about pleasure, not reproduction.
Sex within marriage is beautiful because it comes with the commitment a couple has made before God and to each other. It should be a safe place of expression where a husband and wife can enjoy each other without guilt, fear, worry, or shame. The same is not true when you engage in sex before marriage. Since sex outside of the marital relationship is sexual immorality, engaging in sex before marriage is a sin and is something you must guard against.
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
Why Does the Bible Say Sex Before Marriage Is a Problem?
Our sexually charged society often encourages fulfilling your sexual desires. Not much consideration is given to the potential harm to yourself or how this may affect your future relationships.
The Bible talks about the consequences of sex before marriage in various places. One of the clearest passages appears in 1 Corinthians.
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
When you engage in any sexual sin, the Bible says you are not just sinning against God. You are sinning against yourself.
What Are Some Consequences of Sex Before Marriage?
The Bible says sexual immorality, which includes sex before marriage, is a sin, even if some choose to ignore it. However, beyond the sin aspect, which will affect your fellowship with God, there are some practical consequences of sex before marriage. I want to touch on just three.
1. You might not marry that person
In the Pew Research poll I referenced earlier, many people thought sex before marriage was okay if they were in a committed relationship. Some people believe if you are going to get married anyway and may even be engaged already, then sex is okay. Why not test the waters?
There is a big difference between dating, being engaged, and being married. I have seen plenty of people who dated for a long time, sometimes engaged, and never married. Regardless of what it looks like now, you are not married until you are married.
If you are having sex with this person because you believe you will get married, what happens if you don’t? This can lead to the next potential problem.
2. Your sexual past may affect your marriage
One big problem sex before marriage can cause is guilt. If you or your partner had sex with others before getting married, one or both of you may feel guilt, shame, or regret for your past actions. When you get married and are with the one person you want to share your life and body with, you may regret the ones you shared in the past.
Another issue is it can lead to comparison. You may wonder how you measure up to the other people your spouse had sex with before they were with you. Your spouse may even compare you to their past sexual partners. They may not do this intentionally, but it could happen. This could be an even bigger issue if one spouse was more sexually active than the other. I am not saying you cannot work through these challenges, but it is much easier if you don’t have to. From a practical side, that’s one reason there is wisdom in waiting until marriage.
3. You can judge the relationship improperly
By having sex before marriage, you may look at the relationship improperly. If the sex doesn’t meet your expectations or satisfaction, it could give you a shortsighted view of the relationship. You may wonder if this is how the sex will always be. This type of thinking fails to recognize that, in a marital relationship, sex is a lifelong journey of learning to love and satisfy each other. Having sex before marriage can short-circuit that process.
If the sex satisfies you, you may miss or overlook the other qualities necessary to build a successful marriage. No marriage will survive just by what happens in the bedroom. What you do outside of the bedroom will lead to a marriage succeeding or failing.
If you are dating now, invest time developing your relationship outside the bedroom. If you end up getting married, then the time you have spent doing that will make the sexual aspect of your relationship that much better.
What Do You Do If You’ve Had Sex Before Marriage?
If you have had sex before marriage, your life is not over. There are two things you need to do.
First, you need to repent and ask for forgiveness, knowing God is faithful to do that.
Second, you must commit yourself to honor God with your body. You will have to commit to avoiding sexual activity before marriage. You may not find this easy, especially if you have been sexually active before. Still, the commitment is necessary, and the Holy Spirit can help you with it.
Another thing is to learn how to handle the temptation properly. If you are in a relationship, the temptation to want to have sex before marriage will happen. This desire is not sinful. It is normal. Your sexual desires are a natural part of your human existence, and as you grow in a relationship with someone, those desires will also grow. The temptation only becomes a sin when you act on it.
If you have had sex in other relationships before, don’t be surprised if, in your current relationship, you have a strong desire to want to have sex again. That is not unusual, and it is not a sin unless you act on it. Also, it makes no sense to pray for God to take those desires away because he created them in you. You need to pray for God to help you control them. Your sexual desires are healthy; when you are married, you will want and need them.
However, until then, you want to honor God with your body. One of the best ways to do that is to avoid situations that will allow you to act on those desires as best you can. If you are dating, be careful of being in private spaces alone because those are places where temptation can increase. In today’s culture, that might seem a little old-fashioned, but we don’t live to please the culture we live to please God.
My last word is this. Recognize sex is a wonderful gift that God has given you. However, if you engage in the act before you are married, then what God intended to be a blessing can become a curse.
Photo Credit: © GettyImages/Rawpixel
