Appendix Small Group Discussion Guide

To conclude your time together, have a volunteer read aloud the following quote from the book:

How can we agree with people who refuse to agree with us? How can we be “united in mind and thought” when clearly we do not agree on every point? Should we simply let go of our ideas, opinions or doctrines? We will never agree on all things, but we can and must agree on one thing: Jesus is Lord. (p. 94 )

Amen!

The next chapter explores reconciliation and forgiveness within the Christian community. The soul-training exercise gives three options for practicing forgiveness. As a group look at the three exercises listed on pages 122-24. Is there anyone who would like to practice option one, allowing others to forgive for you? If so, is there a volunteer in the group who would be willing to take on the burden of unforgiveness and begin holding the situation in prayer? When the group comes together next week you will be able to share your experiences with this practice. The other options can be practiced individually.

Begin with five minutes of silence. At the conclusion of the silence someone in the group may offer a brief prayer, ring a meditation chime or simply say amen.

The soul-training exercises involve various steps toward and ways to experience forgiveness. Each of these three questions correlates to the three soul-training exercises; in groups of three or four, answer the questions that apply.

If you allowed others to forgive for you, discuss the ways this practice affected you. If you were bearing the burden of unforgiveness for someone, describe your experience of daily prayer and what changed within you.

The author gives two steps toward forgiving someone who has hurt you: “identity” and “perspective” (p. 123). If you focused on either of these steps, explore with your group how they helped and what challenges you encountered.

The third practice was seeing something new in the Lord’s Supper. If you tried this, reflect on what you noticed for the first time in the Lord’s Supper and how it relates to forgiveness and reconciliation.

If you divided into subgroups for your discussion of the soul-training exercise, you may regroup for your discussion of the chapter. If time is limited, read through the following questions and note which ones you especially want to discuss, and then begin with those questions.

The author begins the chapter with the story of Stan. How did this story make you feel? What role did narratives, community and soul training play in his transformation and healing?

The false narrative stated in the chapter is, “Only when we forgive will we be forgiven and healed” (p. 110), but the true narrative is, “Only when we know we have been forgiven will we find healing and become able to forgive” (p. 112). As a group, discuss your comfort or discomfort with these ideas. Reflect on the parts of these narratives that you agree and disagree with.

Who do you most identify with in Jesus’ story of forgiveness in Matthew 18? Explain.

Clarifying that forgiveness is not something we generate from our own willpower, the author explains, “Jesus . . . is both the pattern and the power of forgiveness and reconciliation” (p. 118). When have you experienced the power of Jesus that allowed you to forgive someone? Discuss this experience with your group.

The author recounts his experience of confession with Richard Foster (pp. 118-19). As a group, name your own experiences with confession. When have you experienced deepened trust through the confession of sins and the affirmation of God’s forgiveness?

Review the two sections titled “Keeping Boundaries of Forgiveness” (pp. 119-20) and “The Forgiveness Ambush” (pp. 120-21). How are these sections helpful? What difficult questions about forgiveness still remain for you?

Have a volunteer read aloud the following Scripture passage and quote from the book:

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

In response to this passage the author writes:

This is a clear explanation of the finality of the cross. God—in Christ—is not counting our sins against us. God stopped counting and apparently never took it back up. God is no longer dealing with us on the basis of our sins but of our faith. Jesus died for all of the sins of all of the people for all time—and that means you. Do you know that? Do you have that peace that passes all understanding? Do you have the joy of knowing that God has nothing against you? (p. 112)

As a group, discuss times you have experienced the finality of the cross and the joy that message brings.

How has your knowledge of God’s forgiveness empowered you to be a minister of reconciliation to others?

Conclude your time by having partners pray for each other to know God’s forgiveness and reconciliation in a deeper way.

The next chapter explores encouragement and accountability within the Christian community. The soul-training exercise is meeting with an accountability friend. You will need to work out the details for this meeting early in the week.

Begin with five minutes of silence. At the conclusion of the silence someone in the group may offer a brief prayer, ring a meditation chime or simply say amen.

If you are in a group of six or more people, divide into groups of three or four. Use the questions below to discuss your experience of meeting with an accountability friend.

Were you able to find an accountability friend?

How did the time of conversation with this person affect you?

Have you had any experiences with an accountability friend (or group) in the past? How would you compare that experience with this week’s experience?

What resistance do you feel toward having an accountability friend?

If you divided into subgroups for your discussion of the soul-training exercise, you may regroup for your discussion of the chapter. If time is limited, read through the following questions and note which ones you especially want to discuss, and then begin with those questions.

The author opens the chapter with the story of the Claypot Church and their pastor, Tom Smith. What from that opening section inspired and challenged you?

In discussing the false narrative, the author explores how churches lower their expectations and eradicate commitment at the risk of decreasing genuine transformation (pp. 128-29). Describe the level of commitment you have been expected to make in various churches you’ve attended. How did the level of commitment affect you? Have you ever seen a higher level of commitment lead to genuine transformation? If so, discuss what you saw.

As the author explains the true narrative he writes, “I want a community who reminds me of who I am and will watch over me with love—which means offering both comfort and warning—so that I might live a life worthy of my calling” (pp. 130-31). Do you desire such a community for yourself? What attracts you to this idea, and what reluctance do you feel toward this type of community?

On a Sunday morning when the author did not want to go to church, he ended up being reminded of his identity. He writes, “I know who I am: loved, forgiven, cleansed, made alive and destined for eternal joy. As we sing, the community reminds me who I am” (p. 132). Discuss times when your community of faith has reminded you of your identity.

Has there been a person or group in your life who has spurred you on to love and good deeds? If so, please describe what happened.

The author tells us, “To admonish is to warn, to watch out for and to offer guidance to another” (p. 136). Why do you think we are reluctant to admonish one another? How can these concerns be addressed?

Do you agree with Dallas Willard’s theory that if we gave good training to the 10 percent of the people in church who are ready and willing to grow, they would grow and their transformation would lead to a change in others? Why or why not?

Have a volunteer read aloud 1 Thessalonians 5:14. Notice that there are specific gifts that are offered to people with specific needs, for example, idleness receives warning, and encouragement is given to the timid.

Has there ever been a time when someone in your faith community encouraged you? Explain.

Have you ever seen someone offer the wrong gift to a person (for example, offering warning to the weak, or patience to the idle)?

How do we discern what a person needs as we stand and walk beside them?

Give specific examples of situations in which you could practice patience this week.

Have a volunteer from the group read the following quote:

I want a community who will challenge me to become who I already am: one in whom Christ dwells and delights, a light to the world, salt to the earth, the aroma of Christ to a dying world. I want a community who reminds me of who I am and will watch over me with love—which means offering both comfort and warning—so that I might live a life worthy of my calling. (pp. 130-31)

The next chapter focuses on generosity. The soul-training exercise is applying frugality to your time, treasures and talents in order to create margin to then be more generous.

Begin with five minutes of silence. At the conclusion of the silence someone in the group may offer a brief prayer, ring a meditation chime or simply say amen.

If you are in a group of six or more people, divide into groups of three or four. Use the questions below to discuss your experience of applying frugality to your time, talent and treasures so you could then be generous with those resources.

What challenges did you experience in being frugal in these three areas?

Did you notice an increase in your margin? If so, how?

What new ways were you able to be generous as a result of your frugality and increased margin?

Does your faith community tend to put more emphasis on the stewardship of time, talents or treasures? How does this emphasis affect your own practices?

If you did the additional exercise of writing a paragraph about your generous community, share how your paragraph made you feel.

If you divided into subgroups for your discussion of the soul-training exercise, you may regroup for your discussion of the chapter. If time is limited, read through the following questions and note which ones you especially want to discuss, and then begin with those questions.

The author begins this chapter by telling the story of his mixed feelings about taking a homeless man to dinner. Discuss your experiences of helping those in need and the feelings these situations produced.

There are three false narratives that prevent generosity: “God helps those who help themselves” (p. 149). “If I give it away, I have less” (p. 150), and “What I have is mine to use for my own pleasure” (p. 150). Which of these three false narratives is strongest in your life? Tell the stories of how you came to believe these narratives.

In explaining the third true narrative that everything is God’s and I am a steward of those resources, the author writes, “We are stewards of God’s gifts; everything belongs to God. That changes everything.
. . . This fundamental shift affects all of our daily decisions” (p. 153). Spend a few minutes silently reflecting on the daily decisions you make that are affected by this shift. In a journal or in the margin of your book, write what you might do differently because of this knowledge. If you are willing, share your notes with two or three others in your group as a way to hold each other accountable.

The author recounts several individuals who share their gifts with him, and he has learned to humbly receive those gifts. Name one or two people who are a profound blessing to you. Are you able to receive their gifts without repaying them? Why or why not?

The three ways to become a generous community are (1) learning the joy of giving, (2) practicing margin and (3) learning ways to give (pp. 161-62). Which of these is most lacking in your faith community? How could you increase your knowledge or skill in this area?

What is your reaction to the idea that we cannot give from beyond the grave but can give only now? If you agree with this statement, what changes might you make to your daily life?

Have a volunteer read aloud 2 Corinthians 8:13-14.

I do not mean that there should be relief for others and pressure on you, but it is a question of a fair balance between your present abundance and their need, so that their abundance may be for your need, in order that there may be a fair balance. (2 Corinthians 8:13-14)

When has someone else’s abundance and generosity supplied your want?

When has sharing your abundance helped someone else in their need and led to equality?

Have a volunteer read aloud this quote from the book:

A gospel of abundance is found only in the kingdom of God, where somehow we have what we need when we need it. The kingdom of God is not like an ATM where we can get an endless supply of resources to spend however we like. It is a dispenser of resources offered to those who understand the ways of the kingdom. Where there is a need and a person who can meet that need, the supply will never run out. (p. 154)

Let us go out seeking the kingdom!

The next chapter looks at the role of worship in Christian community. The soul-training exercise gives us five steps to prepare for worship.

Begin with five minutes of silence. At the conclusion of the silence someone in the group may offer a brief prayer, ring a meditation chime or simply say amen.

This chapter’s soul-training exercise moved us through five steps that prepared us for worship, helped us focus during worship and applied what God was calling us to do following worship. If you are in a group of six or more people, divide into groups of three or four. Use these questions to explore these five steps.

Were you able to prepare for worship by creating margin, arriving early and entering with holy expectancy? If so, what impact did these steps have on your worship experience?

What one aspect of worship did you focus on this week? What did you notice or learn from this?

What one thing did you feel God was inviting you to do? Have you had an opportunity to respond? If so, what has been the result?

If you divided into subgroups for your discussion of the soul-training exercise, you may regroup for your discussion of the chapter. If time is limited, read through the following questions and note which ones you especially want to discuss, and then begin with those questions.

The author gives us two false and two true narratives (pp. 170-73). Which of the false narratives is most at work in your life? How can you tell? Do you agree with the true narratives? Why?

In summarizing the quote from C. S. Lewis, the author writes, “We need each other, despite our differences. And worship is not about the quality of the performance but the heart of those who worship” (p. 174). How have differences within your worshiping community been a blessing to you? How would you describe the heart of your worshiping community?

In his letter to his son, Jacob, the author explains the value and importance of several elements of worship. What did you find most helpful from this section (pp. 177-84)? Why?

If you are comfortable, discuss your struggles with worship—the hurt, disappointment, disillusionment or burnout that has made worship difficult for you. Conclude this time of sharing with prayer for one another and for anyone struggling to find a worship home.

In our current culture it is easy to become a worship consumer. What are the indications that you are more focused on critiquing worship than you are on critiquing your own heart?

Read the quote from Jayber Crow on pages 184-85. What emotions does this story stir within you? How does it change your perspective of worship, your faith community and your place in that community?

Have a volunteer read aloud Psalm 95:1-3.

When you read this psalm, does it encourage or discourage you regarding your own worship experience? Why?

Why do we feel our worship experience needs to match the psalmist’s?

Have you ever felt the type of joy in worship David is describing? Recount your experience.

David’s narrative in the psalm is that God is a rock, Lord and King above all gods. What connection is there between David’s view of the good and beautiful God and his response in worship?

Have a volunteer read the following quote aloud as a benediction for your time together:

Christianity is not a religion but the formation of a people through the gospel—the good news that God in Christ has reconciled the world. Religion is the human search for God; Christianity is God’s search for humans. We do not worship so much as we respond. “Through Christ in the Spirit we respond to the Father’s love. This is the ground-pattern of Christian worship.” (p. 173)

The final section of the book gives guidance for creating a soul-shaping plan. The next session will give the group a chance to reflect on their soul-training plans and possibly create a soul-shaping plan for the entire group.

This session is intended to help groups process their experience with the individual rule as well as provide guidance for creating a group rule.

Begin with five minutes of silence followed by a short prayer of thanksgiving for the journey your group has shared.

Utilize the following questions to explore the process of creating your individual rule and learn from others in the group.

Discuss your process for picking the soul-training exercises that form the basis for your rule. What was easy and what was difficult about creating that list?

The second step in creating a soul-training strategy is adding practices that are not part of The Apprentice Series. What other practices did you add to the list? Did any of your additions surprise you?

When you first looked at your list of spiritual disciplines, was there any imbalance? Did you have to cut back on anything to make it sustainable?

As you followed your rule this week, how did it affect your relationship with God?

How would you describe your daily and weekly interactions with God prior to writing your rule? What was nourishing and what was difficult about your spiritual journey? How does your rule fit into these strengths and weaknesses?

As a group you will need to decide if you will follow the author’s suggestion and create a group rule. It may be helpful to clarify that the group will not necessarily be gathered together to observe each of the spiritual practices that make up the group rule. Here are some steps to follow and points to consider if you decide to create such a rule.

On slips of paper have each person in the group write down one discipline from their list that is especially meaningful to them. They might also consider if it would be helpful to have others engaging in this discipline at the same time.

Compile a list of disciplines from the slips of paper.

Decide how often each discipline will be observed. Allow for grace in this matter. One person might have a schedule that allows for two hours of silence each day, but someone else might struggle to have five minutes. Design the rule to support the person who struggles with any discipline. Those who are able to do more can certainly do so on their own.

Once the list is complete, check for balance and sustainability. Is anything clearly missing? Is there a good balance between disciplines that relate to God, self and neighbor? Make any necessary adjustments.

Each member of the group should write down the rule and the schedule for its observation. It may also be helpful for members to write the rule on a notecard so they can carry it with them.

Other considerations:

Decide when to meet again to encourage and support one another. (It may be two to four weeks.)

Make sure you have other ways to be in contact with one another between your gatherings, whether this is through email, a blog or something else. Use this communication to not only discuss the disciplines but also share prayer requests and insights of how God is working in your life.

Use this suggested outline when the group gathers to reflect on the rule and how God is at work in their lives.

Begin with five minutes of silence followed by an opening prayer, ringing a meditation chime or simply saying amen.

Which old, false narratives have you struggled with since we last met?

What true narratives have become stronger or clearer since the last meeting?

How are you doing with your rule?

What is God teaching you through the practices in your rule?

How can the group support and encourage you?

Review the group rule and remove disciplines that do not seem connected with your journey as a group (remember, individuals can still observe these practices). Are there any disciplines that should be added? Formalize this new rule and use it until you meet again.

Conclude your time by reading a Scripture passage or helpful quote or reciting the Lord’s Prayer.