Sometimes we absorb deep beliefs about who we are from things that happen to us. We may not even be consciously aware of the belief we hold, but as Dallas Willard writes, “We believe something when we act as if it were true.” We might not realize what false identity we have formed, but if we act as if it were true, we believe it. Our stories can help us access any wrongly held beliefs about ourselves. Curt Thompson writes:

For example, if you experience looks of shame or disapproval on another’s face when you tell your story, that will shape how you feel about your story, and it will also alter the way you tell it the next time.

In this chapter two types of harm were addressed: assault, when someone hurts you by an act inflicted upon you; and withdrawal, when something you needed was withheld. Let’s briefly look at two simple examples from literature of these types of harm, and then at the re-storying of both examples.

Assault: In The Lord of the Rings, the Steward of Gondor has two sons. The Steward loves and admires his older son, Boromir, but disdains his younger son, Faramir. It would be easy for Faramir to believe deep down that he is worthless, because his father continually communicates his low opinion of Faramir, both verbally and in his actions.

Withdrawal: In the fairy tale “Cinderella,” her stepmother and stepsisters withhold even the simplest kindnesses from the girl. Cinderella is left to herself, made to stay in the corner of her room far away from the food, fun, and fellowship in the sitting room with the others. Isolation is one of the hardest experiences for a human being to bear, because we are made for loving attachment to others. Cinderella is denied pretty dresses and instead wears rags. Her stepmother does not nurture her or love her as she needs.

Now let’s look to your own story. Don’t worry if you can’t remember certain periods of your childhood or life, that is not uncommon.

Please read through sections one through five below before you actually do the practice of retelling your sacred story.

The divine connection is first in this exercise so that you start with joy and increase your capacity for the rest of the exercise. Refresh your memory with a time when you had a good connection with God, with no pain around the edges—a splinter-free memory. Then examine any harm in your story from a safe, joyful place with God. And if you experience any emotion that feels too intense or too painful, please just return to the divine connection and wait to ask God about the painful story when you are with a trusted counselor or spiritual director.

1. 1. Divine Connection:

   Description: Remember a time when you had a good connection with God. It may have been watching a sunrise or hiking in the woods, or a special time of prayer or worship. When a memory comes, let yourself just enjoy it. Then, notice how your five senses experienced the memory: as you enjoy the memory, what do you see, hear, taste, smell, or touch? Let yourself experience your sense perceptions again. Then, notice how you feel in your body, and describe that in a few words. Next, notice what emotions you are feeling in the memory—describe those in a few words. Finally, how do you perceive God’s presence with you in this memory? Enjoy that for a minute or two more.

   Directions: Spend five to seven minutes on your divine connection.

   • Remember a divine connection to God. Enjoy it for a minute!

   • Activate five senses in the memory: see, hear, taste, smell, touch.

   • How does your body as a whole feel?

   • What emotions are there for you in this memory?

   • How do you perceive God’s presence in this memory?

   • Savor your connection to God in this memory.

2. 2. Remember:

Ask Jesus: Has my perception of myself been shaped by the way others have treated me, either by assault (causing hurt) or by withdrawal (the lack of love, connection, attachment, affirmation)? See what comes up: please try to identify a hurt (assault or withdrawal) that is significant but not too stressful for this exercise. If you have hurts that seem very deep or overwhelming, consider doing this exercise with a trained professional.

• 3. Any False Narratives:

  Ask Jesus: Are there any false, deeply held beliefs about myself based on what someone did to me or didn’t do for me? Notice what comes up, and write that in your journal. Not all false beliefs are easy to identify, so don’t be concerned if you do not immediately think of any.

• 4. Let Jesus Retell Your Story:

  Prayerfully, invite Jesus into your story. Sit with him without hurry. Ask him anything about it that you want to know. Wait upon him. Ask him to redeem your story . . . to re-story it. Notice how re-story is very close to restore. Jesus may answer you in a still small voice today, or he may unfold his truth gradually. His redemptive power can break connections between the mistreatment and your false belief—how he does that is individual, and Jesus knows what you need. Write in your journal any ways that Jesus heals your false narrative or sense of yourself. Ask him to replace any lies with the truth. Remember that this exercise might need to be repeated more than once, and it might be best done with a trained professional, especially if you are already seeing such a person.

• 5. Retell Your Story:

  If you have done this exercise on your own, now tell your story to a trusted friend, priest, pastor, counselor, or spiritual director. Share the harm done to you, but you do not need to disclose the pain in too much detail. Next share what false belief about yourself you identified that you have been living out of as a result. Tell how Jesus is re-storying the incident that led you to the false belief. Focus on the re-storying that Jesus is doing. Let the listener interact or ask you questions.