Appendix 3

“Pleasers” need shepherds who can help them identify their heart’s lost desperations and desires for God. Those who spend years substituting other’s longings and desires for their own can lose track of how they want to be with God. The needs and wants of kids, boss, spouse, church, school, community and parents can derail a pleaser’s own journey toward God. In fact, pleasers may be practicing spiritual disciplines suited to others rather than doing the hard work of naming their own desires before God. Shepherds help reveal the desire for God at the root of people’s souls.

Shepherds can also provide direction for those who feel they shouldn’t have wants and desires. When questions about legitimate wants and needs are ignored or punished, people learn to shut down emotionally. They ask for nothing. A soul shepherd can ask the questions that lead to practices which promote healing, hope and transformation.

When a person grows up learning that asking for something was never a safe thing to do, there is much to unlearn. People who have experienced deep disappointment around unmet longings also need soul shepherds that can point them to trust God’s goodness. They may also need guidance in how to live in the open space between desire and demand.

Entitled people also need shepherds who can help them reach beyond personal preferences to the God-given desires buried under the numbing weight of accumulating secondary things. They need to address what they really worship and where true life can be found.

The practices, relationships and experiences found in this handbook provide ways for spiritual directors, spiritual friends, mentors, parents, teachers, pastors and disciplers to tend to their own journey as well as the journey of others. The following suggestions are simple ways of attending to the soul of another in his or her spiritual journey. The questions open doors for discussion as well as deep prayer.