THE TENTH BOOK.
HAVING IN THE Note books SPOKEN OF HIMSELF BEFORE HIS RECEIVING THE RITE OF BAPTISM, IN THIS AUGUSTINE CONFESSES WHAT HE THEN WAS — BUT FIRST, HE INQUIRES BY WHAT FACULTY WE CAN KNOW GOD AT ALL, WHENCE HE ENLARGES ON THE MYSTERIOUS CHARACTER OF THE MEMORY, WHEREIN GOD, BEING MADE KNOWN, DWELLS, BUT WHICH COULD NOT DISCOVER him — THEN HE EXAMINES HIS OWN TRIALS UNDER THE TRIPLE DIVISION OF TEMPTATION, "LUST OF THE FLESH, LUST OF THE EYES, AND PRIDE"—WHAT CHRISTIAN CONTINENCY PRESCRIBES AS TO EACH — CHRIST TUE ONLY MEDIATOR, WHO HEALS AND WILL HEAL ALL INFIRMITIES.
I. 1. Let me know Thee, O Lord, who knowest me; let me know Thee as lam known} Power of my soul, enter into it, and fit it for Thee, that Thou mayest have and hold it without spot or wrinkle? This is my hope, therefore do I speak;3 and in this hope do I rejoice, when I rejoice healthfully. Other things of this life are the less to be sorrowed for, the more they are sorrowed for; and the more to be sorrowed for, the less men sorrow for them. For behold, Thou lovest the truth* and he that doeth it, cometh to the light? This would I do in my heart before Thee in confession; and in my writing, before many witnesses.
1 1 Cor. xiii. 12. 3 Pb. cxvi. 10. « John iii. 20.
2 Eph. v. 27. * Ps. li. 6.
242 Augustine's motives
II. 2. And from Thee, O Lord, unto whose eyes1 the abyss of man's conscience is naked, what could be hidden in me even though I would not confess it? I might hide Thee from me, not me from Thee. But now, since my groaning is witness that I am displeased with myself, Thou shinest out, and art pleasing, and beloved, and longed for; that I may be ashamed of myself, and renounce myself, and choose Thee, and neither please Thee nor myself but in Thee. To Thee therefore, O Lord, am I open, whatever I am; and for what reason I confess unto Thee, I have said. Nor do I confess with words and sounds of the flesh, but with the words of my soul, and the cry of the thought which Thy ear knoweth. For when I am evil, then to confess to Thee, is nothing else than to be displeased with myself; but when holy, nothing else than to ascribe glory to Thee: because Thou, O Lord, blessest the godly, but first Thou justifiest him when ungodly? My confession then, O my God, in Thy sight, is made silently, and not silently. For in sound, it is silent: in affection, it cries aloud. For neither do I utter anything right unto men, which Thou hast not before heard from me; nor dost Thou hear any such thing from me, which Thou hast not first said unto me.
III. 3. But what have I to do with men, that they should hear my confessions, — as if they could heal all my infirmities? — a race curious to know the lives of others, slothful to amend their own? Why seek they to hear from me what I am, who will not in publishing his Confessions. 243
1 Heb. iv. 13. 2 Ps. v. 12. 8 Rom. to. 5. * Ps. ciii. 3.
hear from Thee what themselves are? And how know they, when from myself they hear of myself, whether I say true; seeing no man knows what is in man, but the spirit of man which is in him?1 But if they hear from Thee of themselves, they cannot say, "The Lord lieth." For what is it to hear from Thee of themselves, but to know themselves? and who knoweth and saith, "It is false," unless himself lieth? But because charity belieoeth all things2 (that is, among those whom knitting unto itself it maketh one), I also, O Lord, will in such wise confess unto Thee, that men may hear, to whom I cannot demonstrate whether I confess truly; yet they believe me, whose ears charity openeth unto me.
4. But do Thou, my inmost Physician, make plain unto me what object I may gain by doing it. For the confessions of my past sins, which Thou hast forgiven and covered,3 that Thou miglitest bless me in Thee, changing my soul by faith and Thy sacrament, when read and heard, stir up the heart, that it sleep not in despair and say " I cannot," but awake in the love of Thy mercy and the sweetness of Thy grace, whereby whoso is weak is strong, when by it he becomes conscious of his own weakness. And the good delight to hear of the past evils of such as are now freed from them, not because they are evils, but because they have been, and are not. With what object, then, O Lord my God, to whom my conscience daily confesseth, trusting more in the hope of Thy mercy than in her own innocency, — with what 244 Acknowledges their imperfections.
11 Cor. ii. 11. 2 1 Cor. xlii. 7. 3 Px. xxxii. 1
object, I pray, do I by this book confess to men also in Thy presence what I now am, not what I have been? For that other object, the knowledge of what I have been, I have spoken of and attained. But what I now am, at the very time of making these confessions, divers desire to know, who have or have not known me, who have heard from me or of me; but their ear is not at my heart, where I am, whatever I am. They wish then to hear me confess what I am within; whither neither their eye, nor ear, nor understanding, can reach; they wish it, as ready to believe,—but will they know? For charity, whereby they are good, telleth them, that in my confessions I lie not; and she in them, believeth me.
IV. 5. But for what object would they hear this? Do they desire to joy with me, when they hear how near, by Thy gift, I approach unto Thee? and to pray for me, when they shall hear how much I am held back by my own weight? To such will I discover myself. For it is no mean object, O Lord my God, that by many, thanks should be given to Thee on our behalf,l and Thou be by many intreated for us. Let the brotherly mind love in me what Thou teachest is to be loved, and lament what Thou teachest is to be lamented. Let a brotherly, not an alien mind do this, — not that of the strange children,whose mouth talketh of vanity, and their right hand is a hand of iniquity,' but that brotherly mind, which, when it approveth, rejoiceth for me, and when it disapproveth, is sorry for me; because, whether it apAcknowledges their imperfections. 245
1 1 Cor. ii. 11. 2 Psalm cxliv. ll
proveth or disapproved, it loveth me. To such will I discover myself: they will breathe freely at my good deeds, sigh for my ill. My good deeds are Thine appointments, and Thy gifts; my evil ones are my offences, and Thy judgments. Let them breathe freely at the one, sigh at the other; and let hymns and weeping go up into Thy sight, out of the hearts of my brethren, Thy censers} And do Thou, O Lord, be pleased with the incense of Thy holy temple, have mercy upon me according to Thy great mercy for Thine own name's sake;2 and no ways forsaking what Thou hast begun, perfect my imperfections.
6. This is the object of my confessions of what I am, not of what I have been,— to confess this, not before Thee only, in a secret exultation with trembling? and secret sorrow with hope, but in the ears also of the believing sons of men, sharers of my joy, and partners of my mortality, my fellow-citizens, and fellowpilgrims, who are gone before, or are to follow on, companions of my way. These are Thy servants, my brethren, whom Thou wiliest to be Thy sons; my masters, whom Thou commandest me to serve, if I would live with Thee, of Thee. But this Thy Word were little did it only command by speaking, and not go before in performing. This, then, I do in deed and word; this I do under Thy wings; in over great peril, were not my soul subdued unto Thee under Thy wings, and my infirmity known unto Thee. I am a little one, but my Father ever liveth, and my Guardian is sufficient for me. For He is the same 246 Analysis of the love
1 Rev. viii. 3. 2 Ps.. li. 1. 3 Ps. ii. 11.
who begat me, and defends me; and Thou Thyself art all my good; Thou, Almighty, who art with me, yen, before I am with Thee. To such, then, whom Thou commandest me to serve, will I discover, not what I have been, but what I now am and what I still am. Hut neither do I judge myself} Thus therefore I would be heard.
V. 7. For Thou, Lord, dost judge me:2 because, although no man knoweth the things of a man, but the spirit of a man which is in him, yet is there something of man, which not even the spirit of man that is in him, itself knoweth? But Thou, Lord, knowest all of him, Who hast made him. Yet I, though in Thy sight I despise myself, and account myself dust and ashes, know something of Thee, which I know not of myself. And, truly, now we see through a glass darkly, not face to face4 as yet. So long therefore as I be absent from Thee,5I am more present with myself than with Thee; and yet I know Thee that Thou art in no ways temptable; but I know not what temptations I can resist, and what ones I cannot. And there is hope, because Thou art faithful, Who will not suffer us to be tempted above that we are able; but wilt with the temptation also make a way to escape, that we may be able to bear it." I will confess then what I know of myself, I will confess also what I know not of myself. and that because what I do know of myself, I know by Thy shining upon me; and what I know not of and knowledge of God. 247
1 1 Cor. iv. 8. 3 1 Cor. ii. 11. 6 2 Cor. v. 6.
2 1 Cor. iv. 8. 4 1 Cor. xiii. 12. 6 1 Cor. x. 3.
myself, so long know I it not, until my darkness be made as the noonday1 in Thy countenance.
VI. 8. Not with doubting, but with assured consciousness, do I love Thee, Lord. Thou hast smitten my heart with Thy word, and I loved Thee. Yea, also heaven, and earth, and all that therein is, behold, on every side they bid me love Thee; nor cease to say so unto all, that they may be without excuse. — but more deeply wilt Thou have mercy on whom Thou wilt have mercy, and wilt have compassion on whom thou hast had compassion:2 else in deaf ears do the heaven and the earth speak Thy praises. But what do I love, when I love Thee? not the beauty of bodies, nor the fair harmony of time, nor the brightness of the light so gladsome to our eyes, nor sweet melodies of varied songs, nor the fragrant smell of flowers and ointments and spices, not manna and honey, not limbs acceptable to the embracements of flesh. None of these do I love, when I love my God; and yet I love a kind of light, a kind of melody, a kind of fragrance, a kind of meat, and a kind of embracement, when I love my God, — the light, the melody, the fragrance, the meat, the embracement of ^ the inner man: where there shineth unto my soul, V what space cannot contain, and there soundeth, what time beareth not away, and there smelleth, what,' breathing disperseth not, and there tasteth, what eat ing diminisheth not, and there clingeth, what satiety divorceth not. This is it which I love when I love my God.
l Isa. lviii. 10. > Rom. i. 20, lx. 15.
248 Do we know God by the senses f
9. And what is this? I asked the earth, and it answered me, "I am not He;" and whatsoever are in it confessed the same. I asked the sea and the deeps, and the living creeping things, and they answered, "We are not thy God, seek above us." I asked the moving air; and the whole air with his inhabitants answered, "Anaximenes was deceived, I am not God." I asked the heavens, sun, moon, stars, "Nor (say they) are we the God whom thou seekest." And I replied unto all the things which encompass the door of my flesh: "Ye have told me of my God, that ye are not He; tell me something of Him." And they cried out with a loud voice, "He made us." My questioning them, was my thoughts en them: and their form of beauty gave the answer. And I turned myself unto myself, and said to myself, "Who art thou?" And I answered, "A man." And behold, in me there present themselves to me soul and body, one without, the other within. By which of these ought I to seek my God? I had sought Him in the body from earth to heaven, so far as I could send messengers, the beams of mine eyes. But the better is the inner, for to it as presiding and judging, all the bodily messengers reported the answers of heaven and earth, and all things therein, who said, "We are not God, but He made us." These things did my inner man know by the ministry of the outer: I, the inner, knew them; I, the mind, through the senses of my body. I asked the whole frame of the world about my God; and it answered me, "I am not He, but He made me."
Do we know God by the senses? 249
10. Is not this corporeal figure apparent to all whose senses are perfect? why then speaks it not the same to all? Animals small and great see it, but they cannot interrogate it: because no reason is set over their senses to judge on what they report. But men can interrogate, so that the invisible things of God are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made ;1 only, that by love of them,' they are made subject unto them, and subjects cannot judge. Things do not answer, unless the questioners can judge: they do not, however, change their voice (i. e., their appearance), so as to appear one way to this man, another way to that; but appearing the same way to both, are dumb to this, speak to that; yea, rather speak to all; but they only understand, who compare the voice received from without, with the truth within. For truth saith unto me, "Neither heaven, nor earth, nor any other body, is thy God." And the very nature of created things saith to him that seeth them: "They are a mass; a mass is less in a part than in the whole." Now, O my soul (to thee I speak), thou art my better part: for thou quickenest the mass of my body, giving it life, which no body can give to a body: but thy God is even unto thee the Life of thy life.
VII. 11. What then do I love, when I love my God? Who is He so high above my soul? Yet by my very soul will I ascend to Him. I will pass beyond that vital power whereby I am united to my body, filling its whole frame with life. Nor can I by
1 Rom. i. 20.
250 Do we know God by the senses?
that power find my God; for so, horse and mule that have no understanding1 might find Him; seeing it is the same power, whereby even their bodies live. But another power there is, not that only whereby I animate (vivifico), but that too whereby I imbue with sense (sensifico), my flesh which the Lord hath framed for me: commanding the eye not to hear, and the ear not to see; but the eye, to see, and the ear, to hear; and to the other senses severally, what is to each their own peculiar seats and offices; which, being divers, I the one mind, do through them act. I will pass beyond this sensational power also; for this also have the horse and mule, for they also perceive through the body.
VIII. 12. I will pass then beyond this power of my nature also, rising by degrees unto Him, who made me. And I come to the fields and spacious palaces of my memory,2 where are the treasures of innumerable images, brought into it from things of all sorts, perceived by the senses. There is stored up whatsoever besides we think, either by enlarging or diminishing, or any other way varying those things which the sense hath come to; and whatever else hath been committed and laid up, which forgetfulness hath not yet swallowed up and buried. When
1 Psalm xxxii. 9.
2 By " memory," in this analysis of the mental operations, which follows, Augustine includes what goes under the name of " reflective con sciousness," in the nomenclature of modern philosophy; and in many places his meaning will be clearer, if the term u consciousness" or " selfconsciousness," and sometimes the word " mind" itself, be substituted for " memory." — Ed.
or by memory? 251
I enter there, I require what I will to be brought forth, and something instantly comes; others must be longer sought after, which are fetched, as it were, out of some inner receptacle; others rush out in troops, and while one thing is desired and required, they start forth, as who should say, "Is it perchance I?" These I drive away with the hand of my heart, from the face of my remembrance; until what I wish for be unveiled, and appear in sight, out of its secret place. Other things come up readily, in unbroken order, as they are called for; those in front making way for the following; and as they make way, they are hidden from sight, ready to come when I will. All which takes place when I relate a thing memoriter.
13. And all things are preserved distinctly and under general heads, each having entered by its own avenue: as light, and all colors and forms of bodies, by the eyes; by the ears, all sorts of sounds; all smells, by the avenue of the nostrils; all tastes, by the mouth; and by the sensation of the whole body, what is hard or soft, hot or cold, smooth or rugged, heavy or light, either outwardly or inwardly to the body. All these doth that great harbor of the memory receive in her numberless secret and inexpressible windings, to be forthcoming, and brought out at need; each entering in by his own gate, and there laid up. Nor yet do the things themselves enter in; only the images of the things perceived are there in readiness, for thought to recall. But how these images are formed, who can tell, though it doth plainly 252 notices the wonderful
appear by which sense each hath been brought in and stored up? For even while I dwell in darkness and silence, in my memory I can produce colors, if I will, and discern betwixt black and white, and what others I will: nor do sounds break in, and disturb the image drawn in by my eyes, which I am reviewing, though they also are there, lying dormant, and laid up, as it were, apart. For these too I call for, and forthwith they appear. And though my tongue be still, and my throat mute, I can sing as much as I will; nor do those images of colors, which notwithstanding be there, intrude themselves and interrupt, when another store is called for, which flowed in by the ears. So the other things, piled in and up by the other senses, I recall at my pleasure. Yea, I discriminate the breath of lilies from violets, though smelling nothing; and I prefer honey to sweet wine, smooth before rugged, at the time neither tasting, nor handling, but remembering only.
14. These things do I within, in that vast court of my memory. For there, are present with me, heaven, earth, sea, and whatever I could think on therein, besides what I have forgotten. There, also, meet I with myself, and recall myself, and when, where, and what I have done, and under what feelings. There, is all which I remember, either on my own experience, or others' testimony. Out of the same store do I myself continually combine with the past fresh likenesses of things, which I have experienced, have believed: and thence again infer future actions, events and hopes, and all these again I
power of memory. 253
reflect on, as present. "I will do this or that," say I to myself, in that great receptacle of my mind, stored with the images of things so many and so great, "and this or that will follow." "Oh that this or that might be!" "God avert this or that!" So speak I to myself: and when I speak, the images of all I speak of are present, out of the same treasury of memory; nor would I speak of any thereof, were the images wanting.
15. Great is this force of memory, excessive great,
0 my God! a large and boundless chamber! who ever sounded the bottom thereof? yet is this a power of mine, and belongs unto my nature; nor do
I myself comprehend all that I am. Therefore is the mind too strait to contain itself. And where should that be, which it containeth not of itself? Is it without it, and not within? how then doth it not comprehend itself? A wonderful admiration surprises me, amazement seizes me upon this. And men go abroad to admire the heights of mountains, the mighty billows of the sea, the broad tides of rivers, the compass of the ocean, and the circuits of the stars, and pass themselves by; nor wonder, that when I spake of all these things, I did not see them with mine eyes, yet could not have spoken of them, unless I then actually saw the mountains, billows, rivers, stars, which I had seen, and that ocean which I believe to be, inwardly in my memory, and that, too, with the same vast spaces between, as if I saw them abroad. Yet did not I by seeing draw them into myself, when with mine eyes I actually beheld them; 2.J4 How it conceives some things
nor arc they themselves with me, but their images only. And I know by what sense of the body each was impressed upon me.
IX. 16. Yet not these alone does the unmeasurable capacity of my memory retain. Here, also, are all those things that have been learnt from the liberal sciences, and have not yet fallen out of the mind; removed as it were to some inner place, which is yet no place: nor are they the images thereof, but the very things themselves. For, what literature is, what the art of disputing, how many kinds of logical questions there be, — whatsoever of these things I know, does not exist in my memory, in such manner as that I have taken in the image and left out the thing, or that it should have sounded and passed away like a voice fixed on the ear by that impress whereby it might be recalled, as if it sounded, when it no longer sounded; or as a smell while it passes and evaporates into air affects the sense of smell, whence it conveys into the memory an image of itself, which remembering, we renew; or as meat, which verily in the belly hath now no taste, and yet in the memory still in a manner tasteth; or as anything which the body by touch perceiveth, and which when removed from us, the memory still conceives. For such things as these latter are not themselves transmitted into the memory, but their images only are with an admirable swiftness caught up, and stored as it were in wondrous cabinets, and thence wonderfully by the act of remembering, brought forth.
without the aid of the senses. 255
X. 17. But now when I hear that there be three kinds of questions: "Whether the thing be? what it is? of what kind it is?" I do indeed hold the images of the sounds of which those words be composed, and know that those sounds passed with a noise through the air, and now are not. But the things themselves which are signified by those sounds, I never reached with any sense of my body, nor ever discerned them otherwise than in my mind; yet in my memory have I laid up not their images, but themselves. Which how they entered into me, let them say if they can; for I have gone over all the avenues of my flesh, but cannot find any by which they entered. For the eyes say, "If those images were colored, we reported of them." The ears say, "If they sound, we gave knowledge of them." The nostrils say, " If they smell, they passed by us." The taste says, "Unless they have a savor, ask me not." The touch says, "If it have not size, I handled it not; if I handled it not, I gave no notice of it." Whence and how entered these things into my memory? I know not how. For when I learned them, I gave not credit to another man's mind, but recognized them in mine; and approving them for true, I commended them to it, laying them up as it were, whence I might bring them forth when I willed. In my heart then they were, even before I learned them, but in my memory they were not. Where then? or wherefore, when they were spoken, did I acknowledge them, and said, "So is it, it is true," unless that they were already in the memory, 256 How it conceives some things
but so thrown back and buried as it were in deeper recesses, that had not the suggestion of another drawn them forth, I had perchance been unable to conceive of them?
XI. 18. Wherefore we find, that to learn these things whereof we imbibe not the images by our senses, but perceive them within by themselves, as they are, without images, is nothing else but by reflection to bring together those things which the memory did before contain at random and unarranged, and, by marking, to take care that they be laid up at hand as it were in that same memory, where before they lay unknown, scattered and neglected, and so readily occur to the mind familiarized to them. And how many things of this kind does my memory carry which have been already found out, and, as I said, placed as it were at hand, which we are said to have learned and come to know; which were I for some short space of time to cease to call to mind, they are again so buried, and glide back, as it were, into the deeper recesses, that they must again, as if new, be thought out thence, for other abode they have none: but they must be drawn together again, that they may be known; that is to say, they must as it were be collected together from their dispersion: whence the word "cogitation" is derived. For cogo (collect) and cogito (re-collect) have the same relation to each other as ago and agito, facio and factito. But the mind hath appropriated to itself this word (cogitation), so that, not what is "collected" anyhow, but what is "recollected," —i. e., without the aid of the senses. 257
brought together, in the mind, — is properly said to be cogitated, or thought upon.
XII. 19. The memory containeth, also, innumerable reasons and laws of numbers and dimensions, none of which hath any bodily sense impressed; seeing they have neither color, nor sound, nor taste, nor smell, nor touch. I have heard the sound of the words whereby when discussed they are denoted: but the sounds are other than the things. For the sounds are other in Greek than in Latin: but the things are neither Greek, nor Latin, nor any other language. I have seen the lines of architects, the very,finest, like a spider's thread; but those reasons and laws, above mentioned, are still different; they are not the images of those lines which the eye of flesh showed me: he knoweth them, whosoever without any conception whatsoever of a body, recognizes them within himself. I have perceived also the numbers with which we number all the senses of my body; but those invisible numbers wherewith we number, are different from the visible things numbered; nor are they the images of these, and therefore they absolutely are. Let him who seeth them not, deride me for saying these things, and I will pity him, while he derides me.
XIII. 20. All these things I remember, and how I learnt them I remember. Many things also most falsely objected against them have I heard, and remember; which though they be false, yet is it not false that I remember them; and I remember also that I have discerned betwixt those truths and these 258 How it represents
falsehoods objected to them. And I perceive that the present discerning of these things is different from remembering that I oftentimes discerned them, when I often thought upon them. I remember then to have often understood these things; and what I now discern and understand, I lay up in my memory, that hereafter I may remember that I understood it now. So then I remember also to have remembered; as, if hereafter I shall call to remembrance that I have now been able to remember these things, by the force of memory shall I call it to remembrance.
XIV. 21. The same memory contains also the affections of my mind, not in the same manner that my mind itself contains them, when it feels them; but far otherwise, according to a power of its own. For without rejoicing I remember myself to have joyed; and without sorrow do I recollect my past sorrow. And that I once feared, I review without fear; and without desire call to mind a past desire. Sometimes, on the contrary, with joy do I remember my fore-past sorrow, and with sorrow, joy. Which is not wonderful, as to the body; for mind is one thing, body another. If I therefore with joy remember some past pain of the body, it is not so wonderful. But now seeing this very memory itself is mind (for when we give a thing in charge, to be kept in memory, we say, "See that you keep it in mind;" and when we forget, we say, "It did not come to my mind," and, "It slipped out of my mind," calling the memory itself the mind) ; — this being so, how is it, abstract truths, and feelings. 2o9
that when with joy I remember my past sorrow, the mind hath joy, the memory hath sorrow; the mind upon the joyfulness which is in it, is joyful, yet the memory upon the sadness which is in it, is not sad? Does the memory perchance not belong to the mind? Who will say so? The memory then is, as it were, the belly of the mind, and joy and sadness, like sweet and bitter food; which, when committed to the memory, are, as it were, passed into the belly, where they may be stowed, but cannot taste. Ridiculous it is to imagine these to be alike; and yet are they not utterly unlike.
22. But, behold, out of my memory I bring it, when I say there be four perturbations of the mind: desire, joy, fear, sorrow; and whatsoever I can dispute thereon, by dividing each into its subordinate species, and by defining it, in my memory find I what to say, and thence do I bring it: yet am I not disturbed by any of these perturbations, when by calling them to mind, I remember them; yea, and before I recalled and brought them back, they were there; and therefore could they, by recollection, thence be brought. Perchance, then, as meat is by chewing the cud brought up out of the belly, so by recollection, these out of the memory. Why then does not the disputer, thus recollecting, taste in the mouth of his musing the sweetness of joy, or the bitterness of sorrow? Is the comparison unlike in this respect, because not in all respects like? For who would willingly speak thereof, if, so oft as we name grief or fear, we should be compelled to be sad or 2 GO sometimes memory recalls the thirty,
fearful? And yet could we not speak of them, did we not find in our memory, not only the sounds of the names according to the images impressed by the senses of the body, but notions of the very things themselves which we never received by any avenue of the body, but which the mind itself perceiving by the experience of its own passions, committed to the memory, or the memory of itself retained, without being committed unto it.
XV. 23. But whether by images or no, who can readily say? Thus, I name a stone, I name the sun, the things themselves not being present to my senses, but their images to my memory. I name a bodily pain, yet it is not present with me, when nothing aches: yet unless its image were present in my memory, I should not know what to say thereof, nor in discoursing discern pain from pleasure. I name bodily health; being sound in body, the thing itself is present with me; yet, unless its image also were present in my memory, I could by no means recall what the sound of this name should signify. Nor would the sick, when health were named, recognize what were spoken, unless the same image were by the force of memory retained, although the thing itself were absent from the body. I name numbers whereby we number; and not their images, but themselves are present in my memory. I name the image of the sun, and that image is present in my memory. For I recall not the image of its image, but the image itself is present to me, calling it to mind. I name memory, and I recognize what I name. And where do I recsometimes the image of it. 261
ognize it, but in the memory itself? Is it also present to itself by its image, and not by itself?
XVI. 24. How is it, when I name forgetfulness, and withal recognize what I name? whence should I recognize it, did I not remember it? I speak not of the sound of the name, but of the thing which it signifies: which if I had forgotten, I could not recognize what that sound signifies. When then I remember memory, memory itself is, through itself, present with itself: but when I remember forgetfulness, there are present both memory and forgetfulness; memory whereby I remember, forgetfulness which I remember. But what is forgetfulness, but the privation of memory? How then is it present that I remember it, since when present I cannot remember? But if what we remember we hold it in memory, yet, unless we did remember forgetfulness, we could never, at the hearing of the name, recognize the thing thereby signified, then forgetfulness is retained by memory. Present then it is, that we forget not, and being so, we forget. It is to be understood from this, that forgetfulness, when we remember it, is not present to the memory by itself, but by its image: because if it were present by itself, it would not cause us to remember, but to forget. Who now shall search out this? who shall comprehend how it is?
25 Lord, I, truly, toil therein, yea and toil in myself; I am become a heavy soil requiring over-much sweat of the brow. For we are not now searching out the regions of heaven, or measuring the distances of the stars, or inquiring the balancings of the earth.
262 If the knowledge of ourselves be so difficult,
It is I myself who remember; I, the mind. It is not so wonderful, if what I myself am not, be far from me. But what is nearer to me than myself? And lo! the force of mine own memory is not understood by me; though I cannot so much as name myself without it. For what shall I say, when it is clear to me that I remember forgetfulness? Shall I say that that is not in my memory, which I remember? or shall I say that forgetfulness is for this purpose in my memory, that I might not forget? Both were most absurd. What third way is there? How can I say that the image of forgetfulness is retained by my memory, not forgetfulness itself, when I remember it? How could I say this either, seeing that when the image of anything is impressed on the memory, the thing itself must needs be first present, whence that image may be impressed? For thus do I remember Carthage, thus all places where I have been, thus men's faces whom I have seen, and things reported by the other senses; thus the health or sickness of the body. For when these things were present, my memory received from them images, which, being present with me, I might look on and bring back in my mind, when I remembered them in their absence. If, then, this forgetfulness is retained in the memory through its image, not through itself, then plainly itself was once present, that its image might be taken. But when it was present, how did it write its image in the memory, seeing that forgetfulness by its presence effaces even what it finds already noted? And yet, in whatever way, although that way be past much more the knowledge of God. 263
conceiving and explaining, yet certain am I that I remember forgetfulness itself also, whereby what we remember is effaced.
XVII. 26. Great is the power of memory, a fearful thing, O my God, a deep and boundless manifoldness; and this thing is the mind, and this am I myself. What am I then, O my God? What nature am I? A life various and manifold, and exceeding immense. Behold in the plains, and caves, and caverns of my memory, innumerable and innumerably full of innumerable kinds of things, either through images, as all bodies; or by actual presence, as the arts; or by certain notions or impressions, as the affections of the mind, which, even when the mind doth not feel, the memory retaineth, while yet whatsoever is in the memory, is also in the mind,— over all these do I run, I fly; I dive on this side and on that, as far as I can, and there is no end. So great is the force of memory, so great the force of life, even in the mortal life of man. What shall I do then, O Thou my true life, my God? I will pass even beyond this power of mine which is called memory: yea, I will pass beyond it, that I may approach unto Thee, O sweet Light. What sayest Thou to me? See, I am mounting up through my mind towards Thee who abidest above me. Yea, I now will pass beyond this power of mine which is called memory, desirous to arrive at Thee, by Whom Thou mayest be arrived at; and to cleave unto Thee, by Whom one may cleave unto Thee. For even beasts and birds have memory, else could they not return to their dens and 264 Memory reaches not to God.
nests, nor many other things they are used unto; nor indeed could they be used to anything, but by memory. I will pass then beyond memory also, that I may arrive at Him who hath separated me from the four-footed beasts, and made me wiser than the fowls of the air; I will pass beyond memory also, and where shall I find Thee, Thou truly good and certain sweetness? And where shall I find Thee? If I find Thee without my memory, then do I not retain Thee within my memory. And how shall I find Thee, if I remember Thee not?
XVIII. 27. For the woman that had lost her groat, and sought it with a light, unless she had remembered it, she had never found it.1 For when it was found, whence should she know whether it were the same, unless she remembered it? I remember to have sought and found many a thing; and this I thereby know, that when I was seeking any of them, and was asked, "Is this it?" "Is that it?" so long said I "No," until that were offered me which I sought. But had I not remembered it (whatever it were), though it were offered me, yet should I not find it, because I could not recognize it. And so it ever is, when we seek and find any lost thing. Notwithstanding, when anything is by chance lost from the sight, not from the memory (as any visible body), yet its image is still retained within, and it is sought until it be restored to sight; and when it is found, it is recognized by the image which is within; nor do we say that we have found what was lost, unless we Memory reaches not to God. 265
1 Luke xv. 8.
recognize it; nor can we recognize it, unless we re. member it. It was lost to the eyes, but retained in the memory.
XIX. 28. But how is it when the memory itself loses anything, as happens when we forget, and seek that we may recollect? Where in the end do we search, but in the very memory itself? and there, if one thing be perchance offered instead of another, we reject it, until what we seek meets us; and when it doth, we say," This is it;" which we should not, unless we recognized it, nor recognize it unless we remembered it. Certainly then we had forgotten it. Or, had not the whole escaped us, but by the part whereof we had hold, was the lost part sought for; in that the memory felt that it did not carry on together all which it was wont, and limping, as it were, from the curtailment of its ancient habit, demanded the restoration of what it had missed? For instance, if we see or think of some one known to us, and having forgotten his name, try to recover it, every thing that does not connect itself therewith, because it was not wont to be thought upon together with him, is rejected, until that presents itself, whereon the knowledge reposes equably as its wonted object. And whence does this present itself, but out of the memory itself? for even when we recognize it, on being reminded by another, it is thence it comes. For we do not believe it as something new, but, upon recollection, allow that what was mentioned is the right thing. But were it utterly blotted out of the mind, we should not remember it, even when reminded. For we have 266 Some things perceived by the mind,
not as yet utterly forgotten that which we remember ourselves to have forgotten. What, then, we have . utterly forgotten and lost, we cannot even seek after. XX. 29. How then do I seek Thee, O Lord? For when I seek Thee, my God, I seek a happy life. I will seek Thee, that my soul may live. For my body liveth by my soul; and my soul by Thee. How then do I seek a happy life, seeing I have it not, until I can actually say [in heaven], where I ought to say it, "It is enough?" How seek I it? By remembrance, as though I had forgotten it, remembering that I had forgotten it? Or, desiring to learn it as a thing unknown, either never having known, or so forgotten it as not even to remember that I had forgotten it? Is not a happy life what all will, and no one altogether wills it not? Where have they known it, that they so will it? where seen it, that they so love it? Truly we have it, how, I know not. Yea, there is another way, wherein when one hath it, then is he happy; and there are, who are blessed in hope. These have it in a lower kind, than they who have it in very deed; yet are they better off than such as are happy neither in deed, nor in hope. Yet even these last, had they it not in some sort, would not so will to be happy, which that they do will, is most certain. They have known it then, I know not how, and so have it by some sort of knowledge, what, I know not, and am perplexed whether it be in the memory, which if it be, then we have been happy once; whether all severally, or in that man who first sinned, in whom
without any experience of them. 267
also we all died,1 and from whom we are all born with misery, I now inquire not; but only whether the happy life be in the memory. For neither should we love it did we not know it. We hear the name, and we all confess that we desire the thing; for we are not delighted with the mere sound. For when a Greek hears it in Latin, he is not delighted, not knowing what is spoken; but we Latins are delighted, as would he too, if he heard it in Greek; because the thing itself is neither Greek nor Latin, which Greeks and Latins, and men of all other tongues, long for so earnestly. Known therefore it is to all, for could they with one voice be asked, "would they be happy?" they would answer without doubt, "they would." And this could not be, unless the thing itself, whereof it is the name, were retained in their memory.
XXI. 30. But is it so, as one remembers Carthage who hath seen it? No. For a happy life is not seen with the eye, because it hath not a body. As we remember numbers, then? No. For these he that hath in his knowledge, seeks not further to attain unto ; but a happy life we have in our knowledge, and therefore love it, and still desire to attain it, that we may be happy. As we remember eloquence, then? No. For although upon hearing this name also, some call to mind the thing, who yet are not eloquent, and many who desire to be so, whence it appears that it is in their knowledge; yet these have by their bodily senses observed others to be eloquent, and been delighted, and desired to be the like (though indeed
11 Cor. xv. 22.
268 All long for happiness,
they would not be delighted but for some inward knowledge thereof, nor wish to be the like, unless they were thus delighted) ; whereas a happy life, we do by no bodily sense experience in others. As then we remember joy? Perchance; for, my joy I remember, even when sad, as a happy life, when unhappy; nor did I ever with bodily sense see, hear, smell, taste, or touch my joy; but I experienced it in my mind, when I rejoiced; and the knowledge of it clave to my memory, so that I can recall it with disgust sometimes, at others with longing, according to the nature of the things, wherein I remember myself to have joyed. For even from foul things have I been immersed in a sort of joy; which now recalling, I detest and execrate; otherwhiles from good and honest things, which I now recall with longing, although perchance no longer present; and therefore with sadness I recall former joy.
31. Where then and when did I experience my happy life, that I should remember, and love and long for it? Nor is it I alone, or some few besides, but we all would fain be happy; which, unless by some certain knowledge we knew, we should not with so certain a will desire. But how is this, that if two men be asked whether they would go to the wars, one, perchance would answer that he would, the other, that he would not; but if they were asked whether they would be happy, both would instantly without any doubting say they would; and for no other reason would the one go to the wars, and the other not, but to be happy. Is it perchance, that as one looks for his though all do not know what happiness is. 269
joy in this thing, another in that, all agree in their desire of being happy, as they would agree, if they were asked, that they wished to have joy, and this joy they call a happy life? Although, then, one obtains the joy by one means, another by another, all have one end, which they strive to attain, namely, joy. Which being a thing which all must say they have experienced, it is therefore found in the memory, and recognized whenever the name of a happy life is mentioned.
XXII. 32. Far be it, Lord, far be it from the heart of Thy servant who here confesseth unto Thee, far be it, that, be the joy what it may, I should therefore think myself happy. For there is a joy which is not given to the utigodly,1 but to those who love Thee for Thine own sake, whose joy Thou Thyself art. And this is the happy life, to rejoice to Thee, of Thee, for Thee ; this is it, and there is no other. For they who think there is another, pursue some other, and not the true joy. Yet is not their will turned away from some semblance of joy.
XXII. 33. It is not certain, then, that all wish to be happy, inasmuch as they who wish not to joy in Thee, which is the only happy life, do not truly desire the happy life. Or do all men desire this, but because the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh, that they cannot do what they would,2 they fall upon that which they can, and are content therewith ; because, what they are not able to do, they do not will so strongly, as would suffice to make them able? For if I ask any one had he rather joy 270 God reveals Himself to
1 Isaiah xlviii. 22. 2 Gal. v. 17.
in truth or in falsehood? he will as little hesitate to say "in the truth," as to say that, "he desires to be happy," for a happy life is joy in the truth: for this is a joying in Thee, Who art the Truth,1 O God my light, health of my countenance, my God? This is the genuinely happy life which all desire; this life which alone is happy, all desire; to joy in the truth all desire. I have met with many that would deceive; none who would be deceived. Where, then, did they know this happy life, save where they knew the truth also? For they love it since they would not be deceived. And when they love a happy life, which is no other than joying in the truth, then also do they love the truth; which yet they would not love, were there not some notice of it in their memory. Why, then, joy they not in it? why are they not happy? because they are more strongly taken up with other things which have more power to make them miserable, than that which they so faintly remember to make them happy. For there is yet a little light in men; let them walk, let them walk, that the darkness overtake them not.3
34. But why doth " truth generate hatred," and the man of thine,* preaching the truth, become an enemy to them, while yet a happy life is loved, which is nothing else but joying in the truth? Why is it, unless it be that truth is loved in such a way, that they who love anything else, would gladly have that which they love to be the truth; and because they do not wish to be those who really seek Him. 11\
1 John xiv. 6. 3 John xil. 35.
2 Ps. xxvii. 1; xlii. 11. * John viii. 40.
deceived, would not be convinced that they are so? Therefore do they hate the truth for that thing's sake, which they love instead of the truth. They love truth when she enlightens, they hate her when she reproves. For since they would not be deceived, and would deceive, they love her when she discovers herself unto them, and hate her when she discovers them. Whence she shall so repay them, that they who would not be made manifest by her, she both against their will makes manifest, and herself becomes not manifest unto them. Thus, thus, yea, thus, doth the mind of man, blind and sick, foul and ill-favored, wish to be hidden, but wished not that aught should be hidden from it. But the contrary is requited it, that itself should not be hidden from the Truth; but the Truth is hid from it. Yet even thus miserable, it had rather joy in truths than in falsehoods. Happy then will it be, when, no distraction interposing, it shall joy in that only Truth, by Whom all things are true.
XXIV. 35. See what a space I have gone over in my memory seeking Thee, O Lord, and I have not found Thee beyond or outside of it. Nor have I found anything concerning Thee, but what I have kept in memory ever since I learnt Thee. For since I learnt Thee, I have not forgotten Thee. For where I found Truth, there found I my God, the Truth Itself; which since I learnt, I have not forgotten. Since then I learned Thee, Thou residest in my memory; and there do I find Thee, when I call Thee to remembrance, and delight in Thee. These be my holy delights, 272 God reveals Himself to
1 Eph. v. 13.
which Thou hast given me in Thy mercy, having regard to my poverty.
XXV. 36. But where in my memory residest Thou, O Lord, where residest Thou there? what manner of lodging hast Thou framed for Thee? what manner of sanctuary hast Thou builded for Thee? Thou hast given this honor to my memory, to reside in it; but in what quarter of it Thou residest, that I am considering. For in thinking on Thee, I passed beyond such parts of it as the beasts also have, for I found Thee not there among the images of corporeal things: and I came to those parts to which I committed the affections of my mind, nor found Thee there. And I entered into the very seat of my mind (which it hath in my memory, inasmuch as the mind remembers itself also), neither wert thou there: for as Thou art not a corporeal image, nor the affection of a living being (as when we rejoice, condole, desire, fear, remember, forget, or the like), so neither art Thou the mind itself; because Thou art the Lord God of the mind; and all these are changed, but Thou remainest un. changeable over all, and yet hast vouchsafed to dwell in my memory, since I learnt Thee. And why seek I now, in what place thereof Thou dwellest, as if there were places therein? Sure I am that in it Thou dwellest, since I have remembered Thee, ever since I learnt Thee, and there I find Thee, when I call Thee to remembrance.
XXVI. 37. Where then did I find Thee, that I might learn Thee? For in my memory Thou wert not, before I learned Thee. Where did I find Thee, those who really seek Him. 273
that I might learn Thee, but in Thyself above me? Place there is none; we go backward and forward,' and there is no place. Everywhere, O Truth, dost Thou give audience to all who ask counsel of Thee, and at once answerest all, though on manifold matters they ask Thy counsel. Clearly dost Thou answer, though all do not clearly hear. All consult Thee on what they wish, though they hear not always what they wish. He is Thy best servant who looks not so much to hear that from Thee which himself wills, as rather to will that which from Thee he hears.
XXVII. 38. Too late I loved Thee, O Thou Beauty of ancient days, yet ever new! too late I loved Thee! And behold, Thou wert within, and I
- abroad, and there I searched for Thee; deformed I, plunging amid those fair forms, which Thou hadst made. Thou wert with me, but I was not with Thee. Things held me far from Thee, which, unless they were in Thee, were not at all. Thou didst call, and shout, and burst my deafness. Thou didst flash, shine, and scatter my blindness. Thou didst breathe odors, and I drew in breath and panted for Thee. I tasted, and hunger and thirst. Thou touchedst me, and I burned for Thy peace.
XXVIII. 39. When I shall with my whole self cleave to Thee, I shall nowhere have sorrow, or labor; and my life shall wholly live, as wholly full of Thee. But now, since whom Thou fillest Thou liftest up, because I am not full of Thee I am a burden to 274 Did not seek God aright.
1 Job xxiii. 8, 9.
myself. Lamentable joys strive with joyous sorrows; and on which side is the victory, I know not. Woe is me! Lord, have pity on me. My evil sorrows strive with my good joys; and on which side is the victory, I know not. Woe is me! Lord, have pity on me. Woe is me! lo! I hide not my wounds; Thou art the Physician, I the sick; Thou merciful, I miserable. Is not the life of man upon earth all trial?1 Who wishes for troubles and difficulties? Thou commandest them to be endured, not to be loved. No man loves what he endures, though he love to endure. For though he rejoices that he endures, he had rather there were nothing for him to endure. In adversity, I long for prosperity; in prosperity, I fear adversity. What middle place is there betwixt these two, where the life of man is not all. trial? Woe to the prosperities of the world, once and again, through fear of adversity, and corruption of joy. Woe to the adversities of the world, once and again, and the third time, from the longing for prosperity, and because adversity itself is a hard thing, and lest it shatter endurance. Is not the life of man upon earth all trial, without any interval?
XXIX. 40. And all my hope is nowhere but in Thy exceeding great mercy. Give what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what Thou wilt. Thou enjoinest us continency; and when I knew, saith one, that no man can be continent, unless God give it, this also was a part of wisdom to know whose gift she is.3 By continency, verily, are we bound up and brought Did not seek God aright. 275
1 Job vii. 1. Old Vulg. 2 Wisd. viii. 21.
back into One, whence we were dissipated into many. For too little doth he love Thee, who loves anything with Thee, which he loveth not for Thee. O love, who ever burnest and never consumestt o charity, my God! kindle me. Thou enjoinest continency: give me what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what Thou wilt.
XXX. 41. Verily Thou enjoinest me continency from the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world.1 Thou enjoinest continency from concubinage; and, for wedlock itself, Thou hast counselled something better than what Thou hast permitted. And since Thou grantedst it, it was done, even before I became a dispenser of Thy Sacrament. But there yet live in my memory (whereof I have much spoken) the images of such things as my ill-custom there fixed; which haunt me, strengthless when I am awake; but in sleep, not only so as to give pleasure, but even to obtain assent, and what is very like reality. Yea, so far prevails the illusion of the image, in my soul and in my flesh, that, when asleep, false visions persuade to that which, when waking, the true cannot. Am I not then myself, O Lord my God? And yet there is so much difference betwixt myself and myself, within that moment wherein I pass from waking to sleeping, or return from sleeping to waking! Where is reason then, which, awake, resisteth such suggestions? And should the things themselves be urged on it, it remaineth unshaken. Is it clasped up with the eyes? 276 Laments evil in him still,
11 John ii. 16.
is it lulled asleep with the senses of the body? And whence is it that often even in sleep we resist, and mindful of our purpose, and abiding most chastely in it, yield no assent to such enticements? And yet so much difference there is, that when it happeneth otherwise, upon waking we return to peace of conscience: and by this very difference discover that we did not, what yet we be sorry that in some way was done in us.
42. Art Thou not mighty, God Almighty, to heal all the diseases of my soul,1 and by Thy more abundant grace to quench even the impure motions of my sleep! Thou wilt increase, Lord, Thy gifts more and more in me, that my soul may follow me to Thee, disentangled from the birdlime of concupiscence; that it rebel not against itself, nor even in dreams commit those debasing corruptions, even to pollution of the flesh, nor even consent unto them. For that nothing of this sort should have, over the pure affections even of a sleeper, the very least influence, not even such as a thought would restrain, — to work this, not only during life, but even at my present age, is not hard for the Almighty, Who is able to do above all that we ask or think.2 But what I yet am in this kind of evil, have I confessed unto my good Lord; rejoicing with trembling,3 in that which Thou hast given me, and bemoaning that wherein I am still imperfect; hoping that Thou wilt perfect Thy mercies in me, even to perfect peace, which my outward and inward even in his natural appetites. 277
1 Ps. ottl. 8. 2 Eph. IU. 20. 8 Ps. ii. 11.
man shall have with Thee, when death shall be swallowed up in victory.1
XXXI. 43. There is another evil of the day,2 which I would were sufficient for it. For by eating and drinking we repair the daily decays of our body, until Thou destroy both belly and meat,3 when Thou shalt slay my emptiness with a wonderful fulness, and clothe this incorruptible with an eternal incorruption.* But now the necessity is sweet unto me, against which sweetness I fight, that I be not taken captive; and carry on a daily war by fastings; often bringing my body into subjection? and my pains are removed by pleasure. For hunger and thirst are in a manner pains; they burn and kill like a fever, unless the medicine of nourishment comes to our aid. Which, since it is at hand through the consolations of Thy gifts, with which land and water and air serve our weakness, our calamity is termed gratification.
44. This hast Thou taught me that I should set myself to take food as physic. But while I am passing from the discomfort of emptiness to the content of replenishing, in the very passage the snare of concupiscence besets me. For that passing is pleasure, nor is there any other way to pass thither, whither we needs must pass. And health being the cause of eating and drinking, there joineth itself as an attendant a dangerous pleasure, which often endeavors to go before, so that I may for her sake do what I say I do, or wish to do for health's sake. Nor have each the same meas278 Desires complete governance
11 Cor. XT. 54. 3 1 Cor. vi. 13. « 1 Cor. ix. 27.
2 Matt. vi. 34. * 1 Cor. xv. 54.
ure; for what is enough for health, is too little for pleasure. And oft it is uncertain, whether it be the necessary care of the body which is yet asking for sustenance, or whether a voluptuous deceivableness of greediness is proffering its services. In this uncertainty the unhappy soul rejoices, and therein prepares an excuse to shield itself, glad that it is difficult to determine what suffices for the moderation of health, so that under the cloak of health it may disguise the matter of gratification. These temptations I daily endeavor to resist, and I call on Thy right hand, and to Thee do I refer my perplexities; because I have as yet no settled counsel herein.
45. I hear the voice of my God commanding, Let not your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting and drunkenness} Drunkenness is far from me: Thon wilt have mercy, that it come not near me. But fullfeeding sometimes creepeth upon Thy servant : Thou wilt have mercy, that it may be far from me. For no one can be continent unless Thou give it? Many things Thou givest us, praying for them; and what good soever we have received before we prayed, from Thee we received it; yea to the end we might afterwards know this, did we before receive it. Drunkard was I never, but drunkards have I known made sober by Thee. From Thee then it was, that they who never were such, should not so be, as from Thee it was, that they who have been such, should not ever so be; and from Thee it was, that both might know from whom it was. I heard another voice of Thine, Go not
1 Luke xxi. M. 2 Wisd. rili. 21.
of his appetites. 279
after thy lusts, and from thy pleasures turn away? Yea by Thy favor have I heard that text which I have much loved : neither if we eat, shall we abound; neither if we eat not, shall we lack;2 which is to say, neither shall the one make me plenteous, nor the other miserable. I heard also another text: for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content; I know how to abound, and how to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ that strengtheneth me? Behold a soldier of the heavenly camp, not the dust which we are. But remember* Lord, that we are dust, and that of dust Thou hast made man," and he was lost and is found. " Nor could Paul of himself do this; because he whom I so loved, saying this through the in-breathing of Thy inspiration, was of the same dust. I can do all things (saith he) through him that strengtheneth me. Strengthen me, that lean. Give what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what Thou wilt. He confesses to have received, and when he glorieth, in the Lord he glorieth.7 Another have I heard begging that he might receive: Take from me (saith he) the desires of the belly;8 whence it appeareth, O my holy God, that Thou givest, when that is done which Thou commandest to be done.
46. Thou hast taught me, good Father, that to the pure all things are pure; but that it is evil unto the man that eateth with fence," and that every creature of Thine is good, and nothing to be refused, which 280 several temptations
1 Eccl. xviii. 30. * Ps. clii. 14. 7 1 Cor. i. 30, 31.
2 1 Cor. viii. 8. « Gen. iii. 19. 8 Eccl. xxiii. 6.
3 Phil. iv. 11—13. 6 Luke xv. 83. 9 Rom. xiv. 20.
is received with thanksgiving;1 and that meat commendeth us not to God;2 and that no man should judge us in meat or drink;3 and, that he which eateth, let him not despise him that eateth not; and let not him that eateth not, judge him that eateth. * These things have I learned, thanks be to Thee, praise to Thee, my God, my Master, knocking at my ears, enlightening my heart, delivering me out of all temptation. I fear not uncleanness of meat, but the uncleanness of lusting. I know that Noah was permitted to eat all kind of flesh that was good for food;5 that Elijah was fed with flesh;8 that John, endued with an admirable abstinence, was not polluted by feeding on living creatures, locusts. I know also that Esau was deceived by lusting for lentiles;r and that David blamed himself for desiring a draught of water;s and that our King was tempted, not concerning flesh, but bread.9 And also the people in the wilderness deserved to be reproved, not for desiring flesh, but because, in the desire of food, they murmured against the Lord.10
47. Placed, then, amid these temptations, I strive daily against concupiscence in eating and drinking. For it is not of such nature, that I can settle on cutting it off once for all, and never touching it afterwards, as I could concubinage. The bridle of the throat then is to be held attempered between slackness and stiffness. And who is he, O Lord, who is enter through the senses. 281
11 Tim iv. 4. « Gen. ix. 3. 8 2 Sam. xxiii. 15—17.
2 1 Cor. vii. 8. « 1 Kings xvii. 6. 9 Matt. iv. 8.
3 Col. ii. 16. 1 Gen. xxiii. 84. 10 Numb. -a. 4 Rom. xiv. 3.
not more or less transported beyond the limits of necessity? whoever he is, he is a great one; let him make Thy Name great. But I am not such, for I am a sinful man} Yet do I too magnify Thy name; and He matceth intercession to Thee2 for my sins, who hath overcome the world;3 numbering me among the weak members of His body;* because Thine eyes have seen my imperfections, and in Thy book shall all be written?
XXXII. 48. With the allurement of perfumes I am not much concerned. When absent, I do not miss them; when present, I do not refuscthem; yet ever ready to be without them. So I seem to myself; perchance I am deceived. For that also is a mournful darkness, whereby my abilities within me are hidden from me; so that my mind making inquiry into herself of her own powers, ventures not readily to believe herself; because even what is in it is mostly hidden, unless experience reveal it. And no one ought to be secure in that life, the whole whereof is called a trial? that he who hath been capable of worse to be made better, may not likewise of better be made worse. Our only hope, only confidence, only assured promise, is Thy mercy.
XXXIII. 49. The delights of the ear had more firmly entangled and subdued me; but Thou didst loosen, and free me. Now, in those melodies which Thy words breathe soul into, when sung with a sweet and attuned voice, I do a little repose; yet not so 282 The character and use of church music.
1 Luke v. 8. 8 John xvi. 83. 5 Ps. cxxxix. 16.
2 Rom. viii. 34. 4 1 Cor. xii. 22. 6 Job vii. 1. Vulg.
to be held thereby, but that I can disengage myself when I will. But with the words which are their life, and whereby they find admission into me, the melodies themselves seek in my affections a place of some estimation, and I can scarcely assign them one suitable. For at one time I seem to myself to give them more honor than is seemly, feeling our minds to be more holily and fervently raised into a flame of devotion by the holy words themselves when thus sung, than when not; and that the several affections of our spirit, by a sweet variety, have their own proper measures in the voice and singing, bysome hidden correspondence wherewith they are stirred up. But this contentment of the flesh, to which the soul must not be given over to be enervated, doth oft beguile me, the sense not so waiting upon reason as patiently to follow her; but having been admitted merely for her sake, it strives even to run before her, and lead her. Thus in these things I unawares sin, but afterwards am aware of it.
50. At other times, shunning over-anxiously this very deception, I err in too great strictness; and sometimes to that degree as to wish the whole melody of sweet music which is used with David's Psalter banished from my ears, and the Church's too; and that mode seems to me safer, which I remember to have been told me of Athanasius bishop of Alexandria, who made the reader of the psalm utter it with so slight inflection of voice, that it was nearer speaking than singing. Yet, again, when I remember the tears I shed at the Psalmody of Thy Church, in the beginning of my recovered faith; and how at this time I The character and use of church music. 283
am moved, not with the singing, but with the. things sung, when they are sung with a clear voice and modulation most suitable, I acknowledge the great use of this institution. Thus I fluctuate between peril of pleasure and approved wholesomeness; inclined the rather (though not as pronouncing an irrevocable opinion) to approve of the usage of singing in the church; that so by the delight of the ears, the weaker minds may rise to the feeling of devotion. Yet when it befalls me to be more moved with the voice than the words sung, I confess to have sinned penally, and then had rather not hear music. See now my state; weep with me, and weep for me, ye who so regulate your feelings within as that good acts ensue. For you who do not, these things touch not you. But Thou, O Lord my God, hearken; behold, and see, and have mercy, and heal me,1 Thou, in whose presence I have become a problem to myself; and that is my infirm ity?
XXXIV. 51. There remains the pleasure of these eyes of my flesh, on which to make my confessions in the hearing of the ears of Thy temple, those brotherly and devout ears; and so to conclude the temptations of the lust of the flesh, which yet assail me, groaning earnestly, and desiring to be clothed upon with my house from heaven? The eyes love fair and varied forms, and bright and soft colors. Let not these occupy my soul; let God rather occupy it, who made these things, very good* indeed, yet is He my good, not they. And these affect me, waking, the whole day,
1 Ps. vi. 3. 2 Ps. Ixxvii. 10. 3 2 Cor. v. 2. 4 Gen. i. 81.
284 The blessings of the light.
nor is any rest given me from them, as there is from musical voices, and sometimes, in silence, from all voices. For this queen of colors, the light, bathing all which we behold, wherever I am through the day, gliding by me in varied forms, sooths me when engaged on other things and not observing it. And so strongly does it entwine itself, that if it be suddenly withdrawn, it is with longing sought for, and if absent long, saddens the mind.
52. O Thou Light, which Tobias saw, when, with eyes closed, he taught his son the way of life;1 and himself went before with the feet of charity, never swerving. Or which Isaac saw, when, his fleshly eyes being heavy2 and closed by old age, it was vouchsafed him, not knowingly to bless his sons, but by blessing to know them. Or which Jacob saw, when he also, blind through great age, with illumined heart, in the persons of his sons shed light on the different races of the future people, in them foresignitied; and laid his hands, mystically crossed, upon his grandchildren by Joseph, not as their father by his outward eye corrected them, but as himself inwardly discerned.3 This is the light, it is one, and all are one who see and love it. But that corporeal light whereof I spake, it eeasoneth the life of this world for her blind lovers, with an enticing and dangerous sweetness. But they who know how to praise Thee for it, " O all-creating Lord," take it up in Thy hymns and are not taken up with it in their sleep. Such would I be. These seductions of the eyes I resist, lest my feet wherewith I walk upon The blessings of the light. 285
1 Tob. iv. 2 Gen. xxvii. 8 Gen. xlviii.
Thy way be ensnared; and I lift up mine invisible eyes to Thee, that Thou wouldst pluck my feet out of the snare} Thou dost ever and anon pluck them out, for they are ensnared. Thou ceasest not to pluck them out, while I often entangle myself in the snares on all sides laid; because Thou that keepest Israel shalt neither slumber nor sleep?
53. What innumerable toys, made by divers arts and manufactures, in our apparel, shoes, utensils, and all sorts of works, in pictures, also, and divers images, and these far exceeding all necessary and moderate use and all pious meaning, have men added to tempt their own eyes withal; outwardly following what themselves make, inwardly forsaking Him by whom themselves were made, and destroying that which themselves have been made! But I, my God and my Glory, do hence also sing a hymn to Thee, and do consecrate praise to Him who consecrateth me, because those beautiful patterns which through men's souls are conveyed into their cunning hands, come from that Beauty, Which is above our souls, Which my soul day and night sigheth after. But the framers and followers of the outward beauties, derive thence the rule of judging of them, but not of using them. And He is there, though they perceive Him not, that so they might not wander, but keep their strength for Thee? and not scatter it abroad upon pleasurable wearinesses. And I, though I speak and see this, entangle my steps with these outward beauties; but Thou pluckest me out, O Lord, Thou pluckest me out; be
1 Ps. xxv. 15. 2 Ps. cxxi. i. 8 Ps. lviii. 10. Vulg.
286 What is meant by
cause Thy loving-kindness is before my eyes} For I am taken miserably, and Thou pluckest me out mercifully; sometimes not perceiving it, when I had but lightly lighted upon them; otherwhiles with pain, because I had stuck fast in them.
XXXV. 54. To this is added another form of temptation more manifoldly dangerous. For besides that concupiscence of the flesh which consisteth in the delight of all senses and pleasures, wherein its slaves, who go far from Thee,2 waste and perish, the soul hath, through the same senses of the body, a certain vain and curious desire, veiled under the title of knowledge and learning, not of delighting in the flesh, but of making experiments through the flesh. The seat whereof being in the appetite of knowledge, and sight being the sense chiefly used for attaining knowledge, it is in Divine language called The lust of the eyes? For to see, belongeth properly to the eyes; yet we use this word of the other senses also, when we employ them in seeking knowledge. For we do not say, hark how it flashes, or smell how it glows, or taste how it shines, or feel how it gleams; for all these are said to be seen, And yet we say not only, see how it shineth, which the eyes alone can perceive; but also, see how it soundeth, see how it smelleth, see how it tasteth, see how hard it is. And so the general experience of the senses, as was said, is called The lust of the eyes, because the office of seeing, wherein the eyes hold the prerogative, the other senses by way "the lust of the eyes." 287
l l's. xxv. 3. 2 Ps. Ixxiii. 27. 3 1 John ii. 16.
of similitude take to themselves, when they make search after any knowledge.
55. But by this may more evidently be discerned, wherein pleasure, and wherein curiosity, is the object of the senses; for pleasure seeketh objects beautiful, melodious, fragrant, savory, soft; but curiosity, for trial's sake, the contrary, as well, not for the sake of suffering annoyance, but out of the lust of making trial and knowing them. For what pleasure hath it, to see in a mangled carcass what will make you shudder? and yet if it be lying near, men flock thither, to be made sad, and to turn pale. Even in sleep they are afraid to see it. As if when awake, any one forced them to see it, or any report of its beauty drew them thither! Thus also in the other senses, which it were long to go through. From this disease of curiosity are all those strange sights exhibited in the theatre. Hence, men go on to search out the hidden powers of nature, which to know profits not, and wherein men desire nothing but to know. Hence, also, with that same end of perverted knowledge in view, magical arts are employed. Hence, also, in religion itself, is God tempted, when signs and wonders are demanded of Him; not desired for any good end, but merely to make trial of.
56. In this so vast wilderness, full of snares and dangers, behold many of them I have cut off, and thrust out of my heart, as Thou hast given me power, O God of my salvation. And yet when dare I say,—since so many things of this kind buzz on all 288 The danger of curiosity.
sides about our daily life, — when dare I say, that nothing of this sort engages my attention, or causes in me an idle interest? True, the theatres do not now carry me away, nor care I to know the courses of the stars, nor did my soul ever consult ghosts departed; all sacrilegious mysteries I detest. From Thee, O Lord my God, to whom I owe humble and single-hearted service, by what artifices and suggestions doth the enemy deal with me to desire some sign! But I beseech Thee by our King, and by our pure and holy country, Jerusalem, that as any consenting thereto is far from me, so may it ever be further and further. But when I pray Thee for the salvation of any, my end and intention is far different. Thou givest and wilt give me to follow Thee willingly, doing what Thou wilt}
57. Notwithstanding, who can recount in how many most petty and contemptible things is our curiosity daily tempted, and how often we give way? How often do we begin, as if we were tolerating people telling vain stories, lest we offend the weak; then by degrees we take interest therein! I go not now to the circus to see a dog coursing a hare; but in the field, if passing, that coursing peradventure will distract me even from some weighty thought, and draw me after it: not that I turn aside the body of my beast, yet still incline my mind thither. And unless Thou, having made me see my infirmity, didst speedily admonish me, either through the sight itself by some contemplation to rise toThe danger of curiosity. 289
1 John xxi. 22.
wards Thee, or altogether to despise and pass it by, I stupidly stand fixed therein. When sitting at home, a lizard catching flies, or a spider entangling them as they rush into her nets, ofttimes takes my attention. Is the thing different, because they are but small creatures? I indeed go on from them to praise Thee, the wonderful Creator and Orderer of all, but this does not first draw my attention. It is one thing to rise quickly, another not to fall. And of such things is my life full; and my one hope is Thy wonderful great mercy. For when our heart becomes the receptacle of such things, and is overcharged with throngs of this abundant vanity, then are our prayers also thereby often interrupted and distracted, and whilst in Thy presence we direct the voice of our heart to Thine ears, this so great concern is broken off, by the rushing in of I know not what idle thoughts. Shall we then account this also among things of slight concernment, or shall aught bring us back to hope, save Thy complete mercy, since Thou hast begun to change us?
XXXVI. 58. And Thou knowest how far Thou hast already changed me, who first didst heal me of the lust of vindicating myself, that so Thou mightest forgive all the rest of my iniquities, and heal all my infirmities, and redeem my life from corruption, and crown me with mercy and pity, and satisfy my desire with good things :l who didst curb my pride with Thy fear, and tame my neck to Thy yoke. And now I bear it, and it is light3 unto me, because so 290 The love of the praise of men,
1 Ps. ciii. 3—5. 2 Matt. xi. 30.
hast Thou promised, and hast made it; and verily so it was, and I knew it not, when I feared to take it.
59. But, O Lord, Thou alone Lord without pride, because Thou art the only true Lord, who hast no lord, hath this third kind of temptation also ceased from me, or can it cease through this whole life? To wish, namely, to be feared and loved of men, for no other end but that we may have a joy therein, which is no joy? A miserable life this, and a foul boastfulness! Hence especially it comes, that men do neither purely love, nor fear Thee. And therefore dost Thou resist the proud, and givest grace to the humble:1 yea, Thou thunderest down upon the ambitions of the world, and the foundations of the mountains tremble? Because now certain offices of human society make it necessary to be loved and feared of men, the adversary of our true blessedness layeth hard at us, everywhere spreading his snares of "well done, well done;" that, greedily catching at them, we may be taken unawares, and sever our joy from Thy truth, and set it in the deceivingness of men; and be pleased at being loved and feared, not for Thy sake, but in Thy stead: and thus having been made like him, he may have them for his own, not in the bands of charity, but in the bonds of punishment: who purposed to set his throne in the north,3 that, dark and chilled, they might serve him, pervertedly and crookedly imitating Thee. But we, O Lord, behold we are Thy little flock," possess us as Thine, stretch Thy wings over us, and let us fly
1 James iv. 6. 2 Ps. xviii. 7. » Is. xiv, 13,14. * Luke xii. 32.
another snare. 291
under them. Be Thou our glory; let us be loved for Thee, and Thy word feared in us. He who would be praised of men when Thou blamest, will not be defended of men when Thou judgest; nor delivered when Thou condemnest. But when,— not the sinner is praised in the desires of his soid,1 nor he blessed who doth ungodly- but, — a man is praised for some gift which Thou hast given him, and he rejoices more at the praise for himself than that he hath the gift for which he is praised, he also is praised, while Thou dispraisest; and better is he who praised than he who is praised. For the one took pleasure in the gift of God in man; the other was better pleased with the gift of man, than of God.
XXXVII. 60. By these temptations we are assailed daily, O, Lord; without ceasing, we are assailed. Our daily furnace3 is the tongue of men. And in this way, also, Thou commandest us self-denial. Give what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what Thou wilt. Thou knowest on this matter the groans of my heart, and the floods of mine eyes. For I cannot learn how far I am cleansed from this plague, and I much fear my secret sins* which Thine eyes know, mine do not. For in other kinds of temptations I have some sort of means of examining myself; in this, scarce any. For, in refraining my mind from the pleasures of the flesh, and idle curiosity, I see how much I have attained to, when I do without them; foregoing, or not having them. For then I ask myself how much more or less
1 Pa. ix. 29. Vulg. 2 Ts. x. 3. 3 Prov. xxvii. 21. 4 Ps. xix. 12.
292 limits within which
troublesome it is to me, not to have them? Thus, riches, which are desired that they may serve to some one or two or all of the three concupiscences,1 if the soul cannot discern whether, when it hath them it despiseth them, they may be cast aside, that so it may prove itself. But how can we divest ourselves of praise, and try ourselves in this respect? Must we live ill, yea so abandonedly and atrociously, that no one should know us without detesting us? What greater madness can be uttered, or thought of? But if praise is wont, and ought, to accompany a good life and good works, we ought as little to forego its company, as good life itself. Yet I know not whether I can contentedly or discontentedly be without any thing, unless it be absent.
61. What then do I confess unto Thee in this kind of temptation, O Lord? What, but that I am delighted with praise, but with truth itself, more than with praise? For were it proposed to me, whether I would, being frenzied in error on all things, be praised by all men, or being consistent and most settled in the truth, be blamed by all, I see which I should choose. Yet fain would I, that the approbation of another should not even increase my joy for any good in me. Yet I own, it doth increase it, and not so only, but dispraise doth diminish it. And when I am troubled at this my misery, an excuse occurs to me, which of what value it is, Thou God knowest, for it leaves me uncertain. For since Thou hast commanded us not continency alone, that is, from what things to refrain the love of praise is allowable. 293
11 John ii. 10.
our love, but righteousness also, that is, whereon to bestow it, and hast willed us to love not Thee only, but our neighbor also, often, when pleased with intelligent praise, I seem to myself to be pleased with the proficiency or towardliness of my neighbor, or to be grieved for evil in him, when I hear him dispraise either what he understands not, or is good. For sometimes I am grieved at my own praise, either when those things be praised in me, in which I mislike myself, or even lesser and slight excellences are more esteemed than they ought to be. But, again, how do I know whether I am not thus affected, because I would not have him who praises me, differ from me about myself; not as being influenced by concern for him, but because those same good things which please me in myself, please me more when they please another also? For somehow I am not praised when my judgment of myself is not praised; forasmuch as either those things are praised, which displease me; or those more, which please me less. Am I then doubtful of myself in this matter?
62. Behold, in Thee, O Truth, I see, that I ought not to be moved at my own praises, for my own sake, but for the good of my neighbor. And whether it be so with me, I know not. For herein I know less of myself than of Thee. I beseech now, O my God, discover to me myself also, that I may confess unto my brethren, who are to pray for me, wherein I find myself maimed. Let me examine myself again more diligently. If in my praise I am moved with the good of my neighbor, why am I less moved if another 294 Confesses marts inability
be unjustly dispraised than if it be myself? Why am I more stung by reproach cast upon myself, than at that cast upon another, with the same injustice before me? Know I not this also? or is it at last that I deceive myself,1 and do not the truth before Thee in my heart and tongue? This madness put far from me, O Lord, lest mine own mouth be to me the sinner's oil to make fat my head? I am poor and needy;3 yet best, while in hidden groanings I mortify myself, and seek Thy mercy, until what is lacking in my defective state be renewed and perfected, even to that peace which the eye of the proud knoweth not.
XXXVIII. 63. Yet the word, which cometh out of the mouth, and deeds known to men, bring with them a most dangerous temptation through the love of praise; which, to establish a certain excellency of our own, solicit and collect men's suffrages. It tempts, even when it is reproved by myself in myself, on the very ground that it is reproved; and often glories more vainly of the very contempt of vain-glory; and so it is no longer contempt of vain-glory, whereof it glories; for it doth not contemn when it glorieth.
XXIX. 64. Within also, within is another evil, arising out of a like temptation; whereby men become vain, pleasing themselves in themselves, though they please not, or displease, or care not to please, others. But pleasing themselves, they much displease Thee, not only taking pleasure in things not good, as if good, but in Thy good things, as if they were their own; or even if as Thine, yet as though for their own merto search out himself. 295
1 Gal. vi. 3; 1 John i. 8. 2 Ps. exli. 5. 3 x cix. 22.
its; or even if as though from Thy grace, yet not with brotherly rejoicing, but grudging that grace to others. In all these and the like perils and travails, Thou seest the trembling of my heart; and I rather feel my wounds to be cured by Thee, than not inflicted by me.
XL. 65. Where hast Thou not walked with me, O Truth, teaching me what to beware, and what to desire, when I referred to Thee what I could discover here below, and consulted Thee? With my outward senses, as I might, I surveyed the world, and observed the life which my body hath from me, and these my senses. thence entered I the recesses of my memory, those manifold and spacious chambers, wonderfully furnished with innumerable stores; and I considered, and stood aghast; being able to discern nothing of these things without Thee, and finding none of them to be Thee. Nor was it I myself who found out these things, who went over them all, and labored to distinguish and to value every thing according to its dignity, taking some things upon the report of my senses, questioning about others which I felt to be mixed up with myself, numbering and distinguishing the reporters themselves, and in the large treasurehouse of my memory, revolving some things, storing up others, drawing out others,—nor was it I myself who did this: that is, it was not my power whereby I did it. Neither was it Thou, for Thou art the abiding light, which I consulted concerning all these, whether they were, what they were, and how to be valued; and I heard Thee directing and com296 There must be a Mediator
manding me; and this I often do, this delights me, and as far as I maybe freed from necessary duties, unto this pleasure have I recourse. Nor in all these, which I run over consulting Thee, can I find any safe place for my soul, but in Thee; whither my scattered members may be gathered, and nothing of me depart from Thee. And sometimes Thou admittest me to an affection, very unusual, in my inmost soul; rising to a strange sweetness, which if it were perfected in me, I know not what in it would not belong to the life to come. But through my miserable encumbrances I sink down again into these lower things, and am swept back by former custom, and am held, and greatly weep, but am greatly held. So much doth the burden of a bad custom weigh us down. Here I can stay, but would not; there I would, but cannot; both ways, miserable.
XLI. 66. Thus then have I considered the sicknesses of my sins in that threefold concupiscence, and have called Thy right hand to my help. For with a wounded heart have I beheld Thy brightness, and stricken back I said, "Who can attain thither 1 I am cast away from the sight of thine eyes} Thou art the Truth who presidest over all, but I, through my covetousness, would not indeed forego Thee, but would with Thee possess a falsehood, just as no man would speak falsely, in such a way, and to such a degree, as to wholly lose the knowledge of truth. So then I lost Thee, because Thou vouchsafest not to be possessed along with a falsehood."
1 Ps. xxxi. 22.
between God and man. 297
XLII. 67. Whom could I find to reconcile me to Thee? was I to have recourse to angels? by what prayers? by what sacraments? Many endeavoring to return unto Thee, and of themselves unable, have, as I hear, tried this, and fallen into the desire of curious visions, and been accounted worthy to be deluded. For they, being high-minded, sought Thee by the pride of learning, swelling out their breasts, rather than smiting upon them, and so by the agreement of their heart, drew unto themselves the princes of the air,1 the fellow-conspirators of their pride, by whom, through magical influences, they were deceived, seeking a mediator by whom they might be purged, and there was none. For the devil it was, transforming himself into an Angel of Light.2 And it much enticed proud flesh, that he had no body of flesh. For they were mortal, and sinners; but Thou Lord, to whom they proudly sought to be reconciled, art immortal, and without sin. But a mediator between God and man must have something like to God, something like to men; lest being in both like to man, he should be far from God; or if in both like God, too unlike man; and so not be a mediator. That deceitful mediator, then, by whom in Thy secret judgments pride deserved to be deluded, hath one thing in common with man, that is sin; another he would seem to have in common with God; and not being clothed with the mortality of flesh, would vaunt himself to be immortal. But since the wages of sin is death,3 this
1 Eph. il. 2. 2 2 Cor. xi. 14. 3 Rom. vi. 20.
298 Christ a sufficient Mediator.
hath he in common with men, that with them he should be condemned to death.
XLIII. 68. But the true Mediator, Whom in Thy secret mercy Thou hast showed to the humble, and sentest, that by His example also they might learn that same humility, that Mediator between God and man, the Man Christ Jesus,1 appeared betwixt mortal sinners and the Immortal Just One; mortal with men, just with God; that, because the wages of righteousness is life and peace, He might, by a righteousness conjoined with God, make void that death of sinners, now justified, which He willed to have in common with them. Hence He was showed forth to holy men of old, that so they, through faith in His Passion to come, as we through faith in it passed, might be saved. For as Man, He was a Mediator;2 but as the Word, he was not in the middle (Mediator) between God and man, because he was equal to God, and God with God, and together one God.
69. How hast Thou loved us, good Father, who sparedst not Thine only Son, but deliveredst Him up for us ungodly!3 How hast Thou loved us, for whom he that thought it no robbery to be equal with Thee, was made subject even to the death of the cross,* He alone free among the dead? having power to lay down His life, and power to take it again:* for us, to Thee, both Victor and Victim, and therefore Victor, because the victim ; for us, to Thee, Priest and Sacrifice, and Christ a sufficient Mediator. 2D'J
1 1 Tim. ii. 20.
2 Rather, as God-Man; mere humanity is not "in the middle between God and man."—Ed.
3 Rom. viii. 32. 4 Phil. ii. 6, 8. « Ps. lxxxviii. 5. « John x. 18.
therefore Priest because the Sacrifice; making us, to Thee, of servants, sons, by being born of Thee, and serving us. Deservedly then is my hope strong in Him, that Thou wilt heal all my infirmities, 1 by Him Who sitteth at Thy right hand and maketh intercession for us;2 else should I despair. For many and great are my infirmities, many they are and great; but Thy medicine is mightier. We might imagine that Thy Word was far from any union with man, and despair of ourselves, unless He had been made flesh and dwelt among us?
70. Affrighted with my sins, and the burden of my misery, I had thought in my heart, and had purposed, to flee to the wilderness ;4 but Thou forbaddest me, and strengthenedst me, saying, Therefore Christ died for all, that they which live may now no longer live unto themselves, but unto Him that died for them? See, Lord, least my care upon Thee. " that I may live, and consider wondrous things out of Thy law.7 Thou knowest my unskilfulness, and my infirmities; teach me, and heal me. He, Thine only son, in Whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge? hath redeemed me with His blood. Let not the proud speak evil of me ;* because I meditate on my Ransom, and eat and drink, and appropriate it; and poor, desire to be satisfied from Him, amongst those that eat and are satisfied. And they shall praise the Lord who seek HimP
1 Ps ciil. 8. « 2 Cor. v. 15. 8 Col. ii. 3.
2 Rom viii 34. 6 Ps. K. 22. » Pg. cxix. 122. Vulg.
3 John i. 12. 1 Ps. cxix. 18. M Ps. xxii. 26.
4 Ts. iv. 7.