God’s Portrait of a Wonderful Wife and Marvelous Mother

Proverbs 31:10-31

Main Idea: Women who live faithfully before God in the power of the gospel bless their families and honor their Lord.

1. She Is Trusted by Her Husband (31:10-12).
   1. She is virtuous (31:10).
   2. She is valuable (31:11-12).
2. She Is a Hard Worker (31:13-19).
   1. She uses her hands (31:13-15).
   2. She uses her head (31:16-19).
3. She Is Compassionate (31:20).
4. She Is Ready for Tough Times (31:21-22).
   1. First she takes care of others (31:21).
   2. Then she takes care of herself (31:22).
5. She Is a Blessing to Her Husband (31:23).
   1. She enhances his reputation.
   2. She extends his responsibilities.
6. She Is Endowed with Godly Wisdom (31:24-27).
7. She Is Admired by Her Family (31:28-29).
   1. Her children bless her (31:28).
   2. Her husband praises her (31:28-29).
8. She Is Honored by the Lord (31:30-31).
   1. She has a godly perspective (31:30).
   2. She receives godly praise (31:30-31).

She has haunted and terrified women all over the world for three thousand years. Her massive shadow and imposing stature towers so high that she is held in awe by all who dare to look at her magnificent and unrivaled portrait. Who is this wonder of a woman? Who is this larger-than-life lady? She is the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31. Ray Ortlund says, “She is the role model . . . the ideal woman” (Proverbs, 149). Allen Ross refers to her as “the woman of valor.” He further notes, “The woman of Proverbs 31 is a symbol of wisdom. . . . The Lady Wisdom in this chapter is the strongest contrast to the adulterous woman in the earlier chapters” (“Proverbs,” 245). The ancient Hebrews knew her as the alphabet wife and mother of excellence. Derek Kidner calls her “an Alphabet of wifely excellence” (Proverbs, 183).

In Hebrew this poem is a skillfully crafted acrostic. Each verse begins with a successive letter in the Hebrew alphabet. In English, the first few verses might look something like this:

An awesome wife, who can find her?

A blessed lady, her husband trusts her.

A caring woman, she does him good all her life.

A diligent worker, she is skillful with her hands.

Through this elaborate and artful structure, this poem describes in elegant detail a woman who is “everything from A to Z,” a woman who, through her trust in the Lord, distinguishes herself as an exemplary wife and mother (Waltke, Proverbs, Chapters 15–31, 514).

Interestingly, motherhood is often discussed in contemporary news and commentary outlets. In 2005 Newsweek actually had the courage to say “Mother matters” and pointed out that according to Salary.com, “Stay-at-home moms, if compensated for all the hours they work, would net $131,471 a year” (Newsweek Staff, “Survey: Mother Matters”). The article went on to say,

• 71 percent of wives say their husbands get on their nerves more than do their children.
• 50 percent of women say their mom is their best friend.
• 94 percent of dads say moms are as sexy as ever!

Additionally, many working women are reevaluating who they are and what they want out of life. While there remains a great deal of confusion, a significant debate seems to be taking place. Consider, for example, the 2004 Time story, “The Case for Staying Home: Why More Moms Are Opting Out of the Rat Race.” The article points out,

Most women who step out of their careers find expected delights on the home front, not to mention the enormous relief of no longer worrying about shortchanging their kids. (Wallis, “The Case for Staying Home”)

Motherhood, they find, provides both joy and fulfillment if it is not drowned out by other responsibilities.

Alternatively, the February 21, 2005, cover story from Newsweek chose to highlight the stressful side of motherhood. In “The Myth of the Perfect Mother: Why It Drives Real Women Crazy,” Judith Warner addresses the tendency of many moms to take responsibility for everything in their house and home on themselves. This burden ultimately robs moms of the joys that come with being a wife and mother.

Contrary to Newsweek’s title, though, “the perfect mother” is no myth. There is a magnificent portrait of her in Proverbs 31:10-31. Embodying all the wisdom of the book (this woman is a Jesus lady!) that she appropriately concludes, she places before every woman a standard, a bar, an ideal. Perfection, however, should not be a mother’s goal. That would only frustrate and discourage each and every one of us. However, growth in the direction and likeness of this lovely lady who walks in the wisdom of Christ is certainly attainable. Eight exemplary truths present themselves for our careful consideration.

She Is Trusted by Her Husband

Proverbs 31:10-12

The opening words of this poem, “Who can find,” do not imply “a capable wife” does not exist. They rather affirm that she does exist and that she is of inestimable worth, she is a treasure, especially to her husband. Two reasons are noted.

She Is Virtuous (31:10)

“Noble” is translated elsewhere as strong, wealthy, able, and valiant. This lady is “capable” (GNT) and a woman of “excellence” (NASB). She is “precious,” and the man who finds such a woman is blessed. Indeed, she is a treasure worth far more than jewels (cf. 3:15; 8:11).

She Is Valuable (31:11-12)

Her husband’s heart—who he really is on the inside—safely “trusts in her.” He harbors no doubts or suspicions, questions or concerns. He has full confidence in her because of her competence and character. Proverbs specifies her adeptness at managing family finances and necessities. She knows what her man and her family need, and she will see that they have it. “He [and they] will not lack anything good.”

Verse 12 is remarkable. She will be a blessing to her husband all the days of her life. If he should precede her in death, he does not fear what she will say when he is gone. In life and in death, he is confident she will do him good.

Several other proverbs speak to the blessing of having a good wife. Proverbs 12:4 says, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a wife who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” Proverbs 18:22 says, “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” And Proverbs 19:14 says, “A house and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” The man who finds such a wife will reap the blessings of her precious character as long as she is living to bless him. “Her commitment to her husband’s well-being is true, not false; constant, not temperamental; reliable, not fickle; and discerning” (Waltke, Proverbs, Chapters 15–31, 522).

She Is a Hard Worker

Proverbs 31:13-19

This lady is a fountain of energy. Her husband, as the spiritual leader of the home, may be the coach. She, however, is clearly the quarterback. She calls the plays, sets the players in the proper place, and executes the game plan to perfection. She may even call an audible from time to time!

She Uses Her Hands (31:13-15)

In verse 13 she takes care of the family’s clothing. In verse 14 she takes care of the family’s food, sailing out and returning daily “like the merchant ships,” bringing what they need. And in verse 15 she takes care of the family’s schedule, rising before sunrise if necessary to provide food for her whole household.

She Uses Her Head (31:16-19)

Using her home as a base of operation, she is business savvy (v. 16). “There is no foolish purchasing or indebtedness here” (Ross, “Proverbs,” 248). Further, she is strong not weak, vigorous not anemic (v. 17). She has an air of confidence as well as fairness, and she is devoted to excellence (v. 18). She wisely conducts her business, heeding the warning of the Russian proverb that says, “There are two fools in the market. One asks too much and one asks too little.” If necessary she will work late into the night to make sure the job gets done. She does what she can with what she has without complaint or self-pity (v. 19).

She Is Compassionate

Proverbs 31:20

This lady is tender in heart and conscience toward those less fortunate than she. A generous and gracious spirit characterizes her life. “She uses her industry in charitable ways” (Ross, “Proverbs,” 249). In this one verse we see two aspects of her compassion. First, she helps the poor. The Proverbs lady does not become so busy with her home that she cannot see the hurt of others. In this she is very much like Jesus, the embodiment of wisdom. She gladly “opens her arms to the poor” (NIV). She meets them where they are and reaches out to hug and help, to aid and assist.

Second, she helps the needy. This lady is sensitive to their needs and works to aid them. She embraces the truth of Proverbs 11:25, which teaches, “The generous man will be prosperous” (NASB). This woman treats her advantages not as an occasion for self-indulgence but as an opportunity to be a blessing to others.

She Is Ready for Tough Times

Proverbs 31:21-22

Life has its ups and downs, its good times and its bad times. The virtuous woman is well aware of this, and she is prepared to face both. When the difficult days confront her, she goes into action. But rather than flailing about erratically, she moves in a very definite manner.

First She Takes Care of Others (31:21)

When cold weather comes, she sees that her family is ready, clothed with the finest quality garments she can provide (scarlet according to the Masoretic Text, or double according to the Septuagint). When tough times come, she does not lower the bar. She does her best and begins by looking out for the interest of others (cf. Phil 2:4).

Then She Takes Care of Herself (31:22)

The text would indicate this woman was a woman of means. Because of her character and commitments, God could entrust her with ­material blessings, knowing she will not hoard them but will share them. Working with her own hands, she uses the finest fabrics and highest quality materials available to her. She is strong and elegant, gracious and attractive. Her outward apparel only enhances the radiant beauty that shines forth from her heart and soul.

She Is a Blessing to Her Husband

Proverbs 31:23

The husband who finds and wins such a wife is a fortunate man. This woman is the kind of wife a man needs in order to make it, and make it well, in this world. She will not tear him down but will build him up. This takes place inside and also outside the home.

She Enhances His Reputation

This man’s wife is his greatest asset, his best advertisement. Her husband, her man, is known and well thought of in the places of importance. That she is his and he is hers is known by all, and this is a plus for his reputation. That this man could win this lady speaks well of him, and all take notice.

She Extends His Responsibilities

As a great woman, she makes her man better not worse. She is not the “not-so-great woman” who takes a great man and drags him down to mediocrity. No, she is a great lady that may take a mediocre man and lift him to greatness. She makes him better than he could be without her. Largely because of the blessing she brings to him, this man takes his seat among the elders, the leaders of the city. He is an esteemed and respected member of the governing body of the town.

She Is Endowed with Godly Wisdom

Proverbs 31:24-27

In her book Mom, You’re Incredible!, Linda Weber asks, “What in the World Do I Do All Day?” She writes,

Being a momis a job with a capital J. We work our fingers to the bone, push our nerves to the edge and use every skill we have to accomplish the day’s demands. Just what does a mother do all day? Today’s college student can’t imagine. Numbers of women are baffled by what they’d do with “all that time” if they had to be home. Sometimes Mom herself can’t remember.

Linda then notes (1) what a mother is and (2) what a mother does. Her lists flesh out with remarkable similarity verses 24-27:

What am I? Well, I’m the following:

• baby feeder, changer, bather, rocker, burper, hugger
• listener to crying and fussing and thousands of questions
• picker-upper of food and debris cast on the floor . . .
• comforter, encourager, counselor . . .
• linguistic expert for two-year-old dialects . . .
• listener—to the husband as well as the children—about their day, their needs, their concerns, their aspirations
• teacher of everything from how to chew food to how to drive a car
• assistant on school projects . . .
• censor of TV, movies, and books . . .
• reader of thousands of children’s books
• planner and hostess of children’s birthday parties
• planner and hostess of adult dinner parties . . .
• central control for getting the appliance fixed or the carpet shampooed
• executioner of ants, roaches, wasps, and other pests
• resident historian in charge of photo albums, baby books, and school record books . . .
• resident encyclopedia source for all those hard questions that seem to arise . . .
• food preservation expert . . .
• keeper and locator of birth certificates and other valuable documents
• ironer of wrinkles . . .
• appointment desk for the family’s visits to the doctor, the dentist, the orthodontist, the barber, and the mechanic
• seeker of God, one who prays . . .
• cleaner of the oven, the drawers, the closets, the garage, the curtains, the windows, and even the walls . . .
• refinisher of furniture
• hubby’s romantic, attentive spouse . . .
• emergency medical technician and ‘ambulance’ driver

And what else do I do? Well, among many other things, I do the following:

• clip ten fingernails and ten toenails for each young child regularly
• return library books . . .
• choose gifts, purchase gifts, wrap gifts for birthdays, Christmas, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, wedding showers, baby showers, anniversaries, and any other event that might even remotely require a gift . . .
• mail packages, buy stamps
• drop off the dry cleaning; pick up the dry cleaning . . .
• haul everything that needs repair
• attend recitals
• attend every school sporting event imaginable
• chauffeur everyone everywhere . . .
• comb little girl’s hairdos . . .
• help in the classroom . . .
• attend school PTA meetings and conferences
• act as a room mother, making things and organizing more parties
• chaperon field trips and special events
• coordinate car pools . . .
• serve as a Scout leader, a Blue Bird leader, an AWANA leader, a Sunday school teacher . . .
• deliver forgotten lunches, forgotten homework and forgotten athletic gear . . .
• make bank deposits and withdrawals

(Weber, Mom, You’re Incredible!, 165–69)

Well, what Linda describes we find right here in our text. What is this marvelous mother like? What does this wonderful wife do? First, she is active with her hands (v. 24). She makes clothing and furnishings for herself and her family, making enough to sell the excess for profit. Second, she is adorned by her character (v. 25). What she wears is always in style: strength and honor, as well as a sense of humor and a positive outlook. Third, she is appropriate in her speech (v. 26). Words of wisdom and cascades of kindness flow from her mouth and fall from her tongue. She knows the nuclear power of words, and she uses them well. Wise and gracious, she is blessed with common sense and a carefully guarded gate on that untamable beast called the tongue (cf. Jas 3). Fourth, she is attentive to her home (v. 27). This lady is active and not idle, for there is always much to do. She keeps her eyes wide open, watching each member of the family, sensitive to their personalities, conscious of their needs, quick to spot danger.

She Is Admired by Her Family

Proverbs 31:28-29

Iris Krasnow, a former United Press International reporter, candidly confesses,

I remember when I was a college student home on holiday breaks, the sight of my own stay-at-home mother wearing her red-checked dish towel over one shoulder and doing crossword puzzles . . . used to rile me over the oppression of wives stuck in their kitchens. Today, I am exhilarated by the wife-mother role I once believed to be the death of dreams. . . . Nothing ever felt so powerful, so free, so spiritually right, than being a mother who organizes a home and fights for her children on every front. (“Surrendering to Motherhood”)

Such a lady will no doubt win the love, affection, and admiration of her family. Husband and children alike will sing her praises.

Her Children Bless Her (31:28)

The children of this mother stand to their feet and bless her. They testify to her impact on their lives and her influence that still shapes and guides them. One of the all-time greats as a mother was Susannah Wesley, mother of Charles and John. Mother to seventeen children, she prayed one hour each day just for them, and she spent one hour each week discussing spiritual matters with each one individually. Her children, no doubt, called her blessed. Why? Here are a few of the rules she used in raising her children. At the time, they may have seemed harsh. Later, her children saw the wisdom of them and blessed her for loving them in such clear and tangible ways.

1. Eating between meals not allowed.
2. All children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m.
3. They are required to take medicine without complaining.
4. Subdue self-will in a child, and those working together with God to save the child’s soul.
5. Teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.
6. Require all to be still during Family Worship.
7. Give them nothing that they cry for, and only that when asked for politely.
8. Prevent lying; punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of.
9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.
10. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.
11. Comment and reward good behavior.
12. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.
13. Preserve property rights, even in smallest matters.
14. Strictly observe all promises.
15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.
16. Teach children to fear the rod.

(“16 House Rules”)

Any child would be blessed to be loved by a mother in such an intentional manner. As they grow to become parents themselves, they will bless her for how she raised them and what she taught them.

Her Husband Praises Her (31:28-29)

Ross wisely notes, “The wisdom of the noble woman inspires praise from her family—from those who know her the best” (“Proverbs,” 251). Joining the chorus of his children, her husband complements their chant—“We have the greatest mother in the world”—with one of his own: “I have the greatest wife in the world.” I strongly suspect the children learned to praise Mom by watching Dad. They had learned it from him. I (Danny) have often said to my sons that I made one mistake in marrying their mother when I was twenty-one and she was nineteen. I should have married her when I was twenty and she was eighteen! That would have added an extra year of my being married to the greatest wife in the world as I see it! Now that my sons are grown, they joyfully join me in praising and admiring the godly wife and mother the Lord has given us.

She Is Honored by the Lord

Proverbs 31:30-31

The tribute to this incredible woman ends as it should: with an eternal perspective and praise from the Lord. It seems best to me to see God as the speaker through the sage in verses 30-31.

She Has Godly Perspective (31:30)

Charm and beauty are not bad; they simply are not what makes a great woman. “Inner spiritual beauty does not deceive” (Waltke, Proverbs, Chapters 15–31, 535).

Physical appearance is fleeting; it does not endure. To trust in and focus on these temporary advantages is foolish and self-deceiving. The virtuous woman knows what matters, she knows what lasts, she knows what is eternal. These are the things she values. As one who belongs to Jesus, she seeks the things above. She also sets her mind on things above because her “life is hidden with Christ in God” (Col 3:1-3). Having entered into a relationship with Wisdom himself, Jesus Christ, she fears the Lord, which “is the beginning of knowledge” (Prov 1:7).

She Receives Godly Praise (31:30-31)

What matters is that this lady knows the Lord, loves the Lord, and fears the Lord. Her passion in life is to please him, know him, obey him, and honor him. Such a woman will receive praise (in v. 30 it is implied the praise come from the Lord), and the life she lives day in and day out will be fruitful and worthy of praise (v. 31). At the end of life, looking back over the many years of service for God and service to others, she will quietly and confidently say, “No regrets. No regrets.”

Conclusion

Proverbs begins with a dad telling his son to make Woman Wisdom his wife, and it ends with a husband praising a wise wife. Woman Wisdom points to Jesus, who is the embodiment of God’s Wisdom. The wise wife is, therefore, a type of Woman Wisdom, and one can only be that kind of wife if she is in a relationship with the Wisdom of God who is Jesus Christ. The only way to be a positive mom and a Proverbs lady is to be a saved mom, a born again woman of God. The woman of Proverbs 31 is not just any woman. She is a saved woman, a godly woman, a Bible woman, a Jesus woman. The applause and praise of the world mean nothing. The applause and praise of the Lord Jesus means everything. She walks in wisdom as the personification of Lady Wisdom because she knows that the ultimate incarnation of wisdom is the Wisdom of God, Jesus Christ (see 1 Cor 1:30). What an appropriate way to end this chapter. What a Christ-honoring way to end this book!

Reflect and Discuss

1. Why do you think motherhood is such a disputed topic in Western culture?
2. What does God’s design for the family say about the role and importance of mothers?
3. How do wives and mothers reflect the glory of God?
4. How can wives and mothers guard against being crushed by the ideal woman?
5. If you are a wife and/or mother, which characteristics from this passage are most challenging to you?
6. If you are a wife and/or mother, where do you see the grace of God forming you into the character of this excellent woman?
7. If you are a husband, how can you honor the women (wife and daughters) in your life as they strive to be faithful to the role to which God has called them?
8. What aspects of the wife and mother of Proverbs 31 are abused or ignored by those who reject the distinction between man and woman as designed by God?
9. What aspects of the wife and mother of Proverbs 31 are abused or ignored by those who demean women and relegate them to secondary status?
10. How does the gospel of Jesus Christ empower us to live faithfully in the roles to which God has called us?