Jesus’s Wisdom on How to Talk to Others and How to Treat Others

Matthew 5:33-42

Main Idea: Knowing that God sees our words and actions, we must speak truthfully instead of falsely and act graciously instead of vengefully.

1. Be a Person Who Speaks the Truth to Others (5:33-37).
   1. Everything you say is witnessed by God (5:33-36).
   2. Everything you say should be true and good (5:37).
2. Be a Person Who Serves Others Sacrificially (5:38-42).
   1. Do not retaliate against evil with violent aggression (5:38-39).
   2. If someone slaps you, turn the other cheek (5:39).
   3. Where demands abound, let grace abound even more (5:40).
   4. Always be willing to go the extra mile (5:41).
   5. Be ready to help those in need (5:42).

Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye”; this is a phrase we all have likely heard and one used almost exclusively by children. It is often added to a promise or a statement to emphasize how serious we are about being honest and telling the truth. It’s cute, but it’s also sad. Already, at a young age, children are subtly being taught that there is wiggle room in what we say as to whether it is true or false. The need to take this extreme oath to emphasize when we are speaking 100 percent truthfully reveals that there are other times when we blur the line between truthfulness and dishonesty. We can speak in such a way so that we are not lying and also not being completely truthful. Honesty, it appears, is on a sliding scale.

Telling the truth and being honest with our words is something we should all care about. For those who follow King Jesus and are citizens of his kingdom, there is no debate about how important being honest is. The fourth (5:33-37) and fifth (5:38-42) antitheses in the Sermon on the Mount address this topic and complement each other beautifully. They describe how we should talk to others and how we should treat others. Once again Jesus corrects the misunderstanding and misinterpretation of the scribes and turns the ethics of this world on its head. Dallas Willard refers to these verses as “transparent words and unquenchable love” (Divine Conspiracy, 173). I like that. Once again we are confronted with the truth that “the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart.” What is on the inside will inevitably make its way to the outside.

Be a Person Who Speaks the Truth to Others

Matthew 5:33-37

Today we live in a world of “alternative facts.” The idea that a man’s word is his bond is quaint, but it is not realistic. This reality is not new; it was alive and well in Jesus’s day. Unfortunately, the religious teachers and spiritual guides assisted the people in their duplicity and hedging of the truth. They had developed an elaborate system of oaths to create loopholes for when they spoke. Jesus deals with this verbal system of loopholes and clears the air on the truth that should always characterize our words.

Everything You Say Is Witnessed by God (5:33-36)

The rabbis and scribes of old said, “You must not break your oath, but you must keep your oaths to the Lord.” This is not a direct quote of the Old Testament but a paraphrase of a text like Leviticus 19:12, which says, “Do not swear falsely by my name, profaning the name of your God; I am the Lord” (cf. Num 30:3; Deut 23:21-23). The scribes created a couple of loopholes that distinguished between speech not under oath and oaths not made to the Lord. They taught that you must be honest and keep your word to the Lord, but this same commitment does not necessarily apply to human relationships. There is “wiggle room” in their oaths. This is amazing in light of a text like Zechariah 8:16-17, which says,

“These are the things you must do: Speak truth to one another; make true and sound decisions within your city gates. Do not plot evil in your hearts against your neighbor, and do not love perjury, for I hate all this”—This is the Lord’s declaration.

By the time of Jesus, playing fast and loose with the truth had become a common practice. As Charles Quarles points out,

Some first-century rabbis emphasized only the importance of speaking truth to God and downplayed the importance of absolute honesty in all communication. They thought that they had a special obligation to keep promises made to God Sermon, 137, emphasis original)

Jesus would have nothing to do with this logic or the elaborate system of oath taking that was in vogue in his day. Verses 34-36 make this crystal clear. Disciples of Jesus are to be characterized by such honesty and integrity that an oath of any sort is completely unnecessary to add credibility to their words. Jesus says, Don’t swear by heaven as if it counts less, since God is there on his throne (v. 34). Don’t swear by the earth as if that gives you an out, since it is his creation and where he rests his feet (v. 35). Don’t swear by Jerusalem either, since it is the city of the great King, God himself (v. 35). And don’t say, “May my head be cut off if I lie” (the probable meaning of the phrase “by your head”), since you have no authority over your life; only God does. In fact, even your hair color is his sovereign prerogative (v. 36). Everything you say, do, and think takes place before the watchful eye of an omniscient and sovereign God, who takes with the greatest seriousness the words that come out of your mouth. The Lord hears every single one of them.

Everything You Say Should Be True and Good (5:37)

Jesus provided the essence of his thinking on oaths in verse 37, which his brother James repeats in his own writing (Jas 5:12). You should always be a man or woman of your word. Those of us who claim to have and know the truth (John 14:6) must speak the truth. Simply stated, Let your word yes really mean yes, and your no mean no. Why? John says that anything other than this accuracy comes from the evil one (cf. John 8:44). Jesus drove home this point with great force in his confrontation with the scribes and Pharisees in Matthew 23. In 23:16-22 he says,

Woe to you, blind guides, who say, “Whoever takes an oath by the temple, it means nothing. But whoever takes an oath by the gold of the temple is bound by his oath.” Blind fools! For which is greater, the gold or the temple that sanctified the gold? Also, “Whoever takes an oath by the altar, it means nothing; but whoever takes an oath by the gift that is on it is bound by his oath.” Blind people! For which is greater, the gift or the altar that sanctifies the gift? Therefore, the one who takes an oath by the altar takes an oath by it and by everything on it. The one who takes an oath by the temple takes an oath by it and by him who dwells in it. And the one who takes an oath by heaven takes an oath by God’s throne and by him who sits on it.

Now, as we consider the issue of oaths, we need to provide a clarifying word. Some Christians, including Anabaptists and Quakers, take these words of Jesus in an absolute sense and forbid any and all oaths. I greatly respect their desire to obey God’s Word, but I believe they over-read what our Lord meant with this interpretation. Quarles handles the passage’s meaning well when he writes,

It does not seem that Jesus intended to prohibit all oaths in all circumstances. First, the oath formulas that Jesus condemned were formulas used in ordinary speech, not the formula employed in court. Second, Jesus Himself testified under oath in Matt. 26:63-64. . . . [Christ’s] example serves as the best commentary on His teaching. . . . Third, even apart from legal settings Jesus (“truly, truly I say to you”) and Paul often used special formulas to emphasize the truthfulness of a statement (Rom. 1:9; 9:1; 2 2 Cor 1:23; 11:31; Gal. 1:20; Phil. 1:8; 1 Thess 2:5; 1 Tim. 2:7). . . . Furthermore not all oath-taking implies one’s dishonesty when not under oath since in very important matters even God may swear an oath (Gen. 9:9-11; Ps. 16:10 [cp. Acts 2:27-31]; Ezek. 33:11; Gen. 22:17 [cp. Heb 6:13-18]) even though “it is impossible for God to lie” (Heb. 6:18). . . .

In summary Jesus prohibited the use of misleading oaths, but he did not intend to prohibit all use of oaths. Oaths in court, marital vows, oaths of office, and the use of other oaths on solemn occasions to emphasize one’s truthfulness comport both with biblical teaching and Christian practice. (Quarles, Sermon, 143–44)

So, in any and all circumstances and situations, be a person who speaks the truth. Be a person who is known to always be honest. It will reflect the character of the God and the kingdom to which you belong.

Be a Person Who Serves Others Sacrificially

Matthew 5:38-42

Our words and our actions often go together. What we say and what we do are often traveling companions in life’s journey. Perhaps no passage of Scripture makes this clearer than Proverbs 6:16-19, where the Bible weaves together in a tragic tapestry the evils we speak and the evils we do. There God’s Word says,

The Lord hates six things;

in fact, seven are detestable to him:

arrogant eyes, a lying tongue,

hands that shed innocent blood,

a heart that plots wicked schemes,

feet eager to run to evil,

a lying witness who gives false testimony,

and one who stirs up trouble among brothers.

Words and actions are a pair seldom separated. Both are before the constant gaze of our all-seeing, all-knowing God. Having dealt with the importance of our words in 5:33-37, Jesus moves to address the importance of our actions in the remainder of chapter 5. The issue of retaliation is the concern of verses 38-42. Our Lord puts five principles before us to guide what we do as citizens of his kingdom.

Do Not Retaliate against Evil with Violent Aggression (5:38-39)

Verse 38 is a direct and partial quote from texts in the Old Testament (Exod 21:23-25; Lev 24:17-21; Deut 19:21) and concerns the law or principle of lex talionis, which means “law of retaliation.” “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” is familiar to most of us. It was originally given as “a guide to the courts in their judgments and was not intended to guide individuals in exacting revenge” (Quarles, Sermon, 145). The goal was to ensure fair and balanced judgments and sentences. It was to be applied without discrimination or prejudice. Jesus did not oppose its legal application. He opposed its use to justify acts of personal revenge and vengeance. As Carson notes, “The law was thus being dragged into the personal arena, where it could scarcely foster even rough justice, but only bitterness, vengeance, malice, hatred” (Sermon, 49).

Jesus’s response is sweeping and, no doubt, shocking to the ears of his congregation that day. He lays down the basic principle, “But I tell you, don’t resist an evildoer.” In other words, don’t relate to others as enemies. Relate, if at all possible, to them as neighbors. Be loving, not hateful. Be kind, not harsh. Revenge of any stripe is not an option. Paul’s words in Romans 12:17-21 provide an excellent commentary on what Jesus says in this verse:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes. If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. But If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For in so doing you will be heaping fiery coals on his head. Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.

The mind-set that says, “I don’t get mad; I get even,” is foreign to the ethics of Paul and the crucified Galilean. It must also be foreign to those who follow him. We are to walk in his steps and follow his example no matter how hard it is to do it.

If Someone Slaps You, Turn the Other Cheek (5:39)

Jesus provides four examples to illustrate his command in verse 39. The first is an insulting slap. If anyone (no exceptions) slaps you on your right cheek (a backhanded slap intended to embarrass you), turn the other also (be willing to endure further insult). Interestingly, the word Matthew uses for “slap” is the same word he uses in 26:67-68 when Jesus was blindfolded and slapped by Roman soldiers. The slap would be both insulting and painful. Again I cannot improve on the insight of my good friend Chuck Quarles:

Jesus Himself was the perfect model of this gracious response to the abuses of others. He was mocked, spat on, beaten with sticks, slapped, scourged, and nailed to a cross. Nevertheless, he endured this all without retaliation and even with forgiveness on His lips. Never is the disciple more like the Savior than when he responds to abuses graciously and without retaliation. (Sermon, 150)

I do not think this verse calls us to refrain from protecting ourselves or our families from harm. Nor do I think justice for those who commit violent crimes is to be excused. The guiding principle is showing neighborly love to all and putting away a heart of anger, malice, and revenge. Justice and forgiveness are not mutually exclusive.

Where Demands Abound, Let Grace Abound Even More (5:40)

Jesus has addressed how citizens of the kingdom should respond to a violent and dishonorable insult. Now he moves to address how his disciples should respond to a legal attack. His example would have been both familiar and relevant in a first-century Jewish context.

In this example a man brings a lawsuit against you. Perhaps he even has a legitimate complaint as in verses 25-26. The “shirt” he wishes to take was the tunic, a long inner garment worn under the coat next to the skin. It was usually made of wool or linen and was often used for bartering or making payments in Jesus’s day (Quarles, Sermon, 153). The “coat” (ESV, “cloak”) was the outer garment and considered the more valuable. It was not only used as a coat but also for bedding, especially if one had to sleep outdoors. In fact, Old Testament law said that the poor should not be made to surrender their coat (Exod 22:25-27; Deut 24:12-13) (Osborne, Matthew, 209). Jesus, however, calls his followers to go beyond what the law requires. Respond to your accuser and adversary with grace. In our day we might say it like this: “If he takes your coat, offer him the shirt off your back.” The Message words the verse like this: “If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it.” In other words, do what the law requires and then go further. When you do this, God becomes your defense and provider. A “radically unselfish attitude” will amaze the world, but it will invite the blessing and pleasure of your heavenly Father who is witness to all that is taking place (France, Gospel, 127).

Always Be Willing to Go the Extra Mile (5:41)

“Be willing to go the extra mile” has long been a colloquial saying in our culture. It has its source in verse 41, which has a historical background that will help us to understand it. Israel was an occupied territory under the rule of mighty Rome. Her people could legally be compelled to assist the Roman military. We see an example of this action when Simon of Cyrene was forced to help carry the cross of our Lord (Mark 15:21). Sinclair Ferguson points out, “The Jews hated the practice because it publicly illustrated the humiliation of being a subjugated people. We can easily imagine how open to abuse it was” (Sermon, 101).

The phrase “one mile” means “one thousand paces” in Latin (Quarles, Sermon, 155). According to Jesus’s illustration, you are legally required to assist a Roman soldier by carrying a load he gives you for one thousand steps. However, when you reach the limits of what the Roman law requires, don’t stop and drop the burden at the oppressor’s feet. Keep going. Carry the load another mile. Do it voluntarily, not for a king in this world but for the King of heaven. Obligation dictated the first mile. Compassion directs the second. The Roman soldier would no doubt be shocked and wonder why you would serve him, your enemy, when it is not required. Gospel opportunities abound for us to show and say to others, “I serve you because I have been served. In fact, let me tell you about the one who comes to serve us both, who came to serve the world, bearing its burden of sin all the way to the cross.”

Be Ready to Help Those in Need (5:42)

In Jesus’s next illustration he describes someone coming across your path with a desperate and legitimate need. They are not slothful, lazy, or irresponsible (see 1 Thess 5:14-15; 2 Thess 3:10). They are hurting, need your help, and you have the means to assist them. Jesus says, Jump in with both feet. Old Testament teaching repeatedly affirms our responsibility to help the poor (Exod 22:25; Lev 25:25-36; Deut 15:7-11; Prov 28:27). Jesus will reaffirm this in Matthew 25:35-36.

Quarles informs us that many Jews would rather die than beg (Sermon, 156). This means those to whom Jesus referred as asking for something had a legitimate need. So, he says, the one before you has almost lost all hope. Don’t lecture him. Feed him. Don’t shame him. Share with him what God has given you without expecting anything in return. Spurgeon nails it: “Be generous. A miser is no follower of Jesus” (Exposition, 30). Carson helpfully adds, “Christ will not tolerate a mercenary, tight-fisted, penny-pinching attitude. . . . Don’t be asking yourself all the time, ‘What’s in it for me? What can I get out of it?’” (Sermon, 52).

Our motive in helping others is simple: we have been helped by our heavenly Father where our need for forgiveness as sinful beggars and spiritual paupers was greatest. We have been blessed and showered with blessings above all in this world. Once again gospel opportunities abound as we share with others both what we have and what we have been given. As Paul writes, “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ: Though he was rich, for your sake he became poor, so that by his poverty you might become rich” (2 Cor 8:9).

Conclusion

To those who love and follow Jesus, these verses have a powerful and attractive nature because they remind us of him during his passion. In 1 Timothy 6:13 Paul points out that our Lord “gave a good confession before Pontius Pilate.” He spoke the truth, and he spoke it clearly just as he did before the high priest Caiaphas and under oath (Matt 26:57-64). But no one puts it more beautifully than the apostle Peter:

He did not commit sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth; when he was insulted, he did not insult in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten but entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. (1 Pet 2:22-23)

What an example he gave us as he bore not only the wrath of God in our place but also the wrath of men for our benefit.

Sinclair Ferguson summarizes it so very well:

“Let the insults come,” says Jesus, “and show by your response that you feel no need for retaliation, because you have your reputation secure with God, as his child. Let your response to insult be gracious—just as your Father’s response to your insult of sin against him has been so gracious. Will anyone be won for the kingdom by your retaliation, by your standing on your rights? How could they be, when the King in the kingdom is one who did not retaliate?” (Sermon, 120)

Reflect and Discuss

1. This chapter teaches that the rabbis and scribes would use loopholes in how they spoke and took oaths. How are you tempted today to find loopholes in how you speak?
2. Is a partial truth the same as a lie? Why or why not?
3. Why do you lie or tell partial truths? What underlying motivations cause you to do this, and what does this say about the desires of your heart?
4. Is there a difference between retaliating against evil with violent aggression versus self-defense or protecting one’s family? How can you distinguish between the two?
5. Someone may not always literally slap you, but are you still tempted to retaliate when someone has embarrassed, insulted, or mocked you in other ways? How might you be tempted to return a “slap”?
6. How can you apply Jesus’s teaching about the shirt and coat if you are not being sued?
7. Do you have any examples in your life of someone who exemplified what it looks like to live the way Jesus describes in these verses?
8. What are some specific ways in your life where you can “go the extra mile” this week or this month for those whom you might consider your enemy?
9. Are you inclined to be generous to those who tell you they have a need? If so, what makes you generous? If not, what keeps you from being generous?
10. If the righteousness Jesus requires can only come through faith in him, why does he require that you live the way this chapter teaches?