What Did Jesus Say about Divorce?

Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9

Main Idea: Divorce and remarriage lead to adultery except when they occur because of sexual immorality, and they should be rare among God’s people because he desires reconciliation.

1. God’s Plan for Marriage Is One Man and One Woman until Separated by Death.
2. Sexual Immorality Constitutes Biblical Grounds for Divorce.
3. Divorce and Remarriage without Biblical Grounds Constitutes Adultery.
4. The Old Testament Law on Divorce Was Designed to Protect the Wife from Frivolous Divorce and Character Assassination.
5. Though Divorce Is Permitted in Specific Circumstances, It Is Never Commanded.
6. Even When There Is Biblical Grounds for Divorce, God’s Desire Is for Reconciliation and Restoration if Possible.
7. Those Who Are Guilty of the Sin of Adultery Should Repent and Pursue Anew God’s Standards of Sanctity in Marriage.
8. Jesus Expects Divorce to Be the Rare Exception and Not the Rule within the Community of Faith.

The headline immediately caught my attention. In all bold letters it read, “Family lawyer reveals divorce horror stories from 40 years of seeing the damage caused to children by their warring parents” (Carlyle, “Family Lawyer”). Inside the article, the news is as bleak as the title. Divorce lawyer turned mediator Mary Banham-Hall has dealt with close to 3,000 troubled marriages in her years as an attorney. From her experience, she concludes, “Divorce is worse than death, there’s no question. Why? People don’t generally choose death” (ibid.).

Banham-Hall is right. Few experiences in life bring more pain, sorrow, grief, and heartache than divorce and the fracturing of marriages and families. In a poem called “The Monster,” a little girl vividly describes the impact of divorce:

The monster’s here, the monster’s there,

the monster is everywhere.

In my milk, in my tea,

doesn’t it ever think of me?

Mom’s here, Dad’s there,

and I’m just not anywhere!

How can I say this, without any force;

the monster is called divorce! (Source unknown)

The difficulty of this subject is so great that many persons will go to any length to avoid it. Others wrongly brush it off as trivial due to our sexually progressive twenty-first-century Western context. Fortunately, Jesus did neither. He did not ignore the issue. Nor did he say it was trivial. Here, in Matthew 5:31-32 and 19:3-9, Jesus tackles the subject directly. When these two texts come together with the other parts of Scripture that speak to the issue, eight biblical and theological truths emerge concerning the issues of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. As will become evident, marriage is a good gift from a great God that will only work rightly if we follow his design.

God’s Plan for Marriage Is One Man and One Woman until Separated by Death

Virtually every Bible-believing Christian agrees that God’s ideal and plan for marriage is for one man and one woman to be joined together until separated by death. This truth is certainly implied in the creation account in Genesis 2:24, but it is made explicit by Jesus in Matthew 19:6 where he says, “What God has joined together, let no one separate.” Don Carson summarizes well what Jesus is teaching:

In Matthew 19:3ff, [Jesus] goes back to first principles. In the beginning, God made one man and one woman, and they were joined together. Initially, all divorce was inconceivable; when God made men and women, no allowance was made for it. . . . God in fact hates divorce (Mal. 2:16). (Sermon, 45)

Sexual Immorality Constitutes Biblical Grounds for Divorce

God’s plan is that a husband and wife remain married, but he does teach that divorce may be permissible in one circumstance. It is not surprising that our Lord’s discussion of divorce immediately follows his teaching on lust and adultery (5:27-30). Here and in Matthew 19:9 we find what is often referred to as “the exception clause.” Sexual immorality is the biblically permissible exception for a spouse to pursue divorce against his or her mate. There is no gender distinction in the Bible as to who may initiate a divorce. Although, in verse 32, Jesus specifically addresses a husband divorcing his wife, the more common practice of the day, this principle applies equally to men and women. The phrase “sexual immorality” translates the Greek word porneia. Charles Quarles notes, “The best evidence supports the view that porneia [in this verse] involves sexual relationships with anyone other than the husband during the betrothal or after marriage” (Sermon, 131). Craig Blomberg helpfully adds, porneia should therefore be translated as adultery, possibly including but not limited to related sexual sins such as incest, homosexuality, prostitution, molestation, or indecent exposure. This is its typical semantic range. (“Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage,” 177)

Divorce and Remarriage without Biblical Grounds Constitutes Adultery

Jesus is clear and direct in 5:32 about whom he is addressing: “Everyone.” There are no exceptions. The clause, “except in a case of sexual immorality,” gives the one instance where divorce is permissible in God’s eyes. Outside of this circumstance all divorce is sinful and leads to sin. Jesus says that divorce beyond this exception “causes her to commit adultery.” Jesus is speaking about the wife with the implication that the woman will, of necessity, need a husband to survive. Because there were no biblical grounds for divorce, she is forced into an act of adultery. Furthermore, the man who marries a woman who is divorced without biblical permission is also guilty of adultery. That there is any question as to what Christ meant is an indictment of our sinful hearts. As John MacArthur says,

The many confused and conflicting ideas in our day about the biblical teaching on divorce are not caused by any deficiency in God’s revelation but by the fact that sin has clouded men’s mind to the straightforward simplicity of what God has said. (Matthew 1–7, 307)

When sexual immorality occurs, remarriage does not constitute adultery. As Grant Osborne notes, Jesus is clear with respect to the divine idea:

Matthew, 200)

The Old Testament Law on Divorce Was Designed to Protect the Wife from Frivolous Divorce and Character Assassination

By the time of Jesus, two rabbinic schools dominated the discussion of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, which addresses divorce. The school of Shammai taught that sexual sin was the only permissible reason to end a marriage by divorce. The school of Hillel argued that anything a wife did that displeased her husband provided valid grounds for divorce. Hillel’s position would become the dominant view, and Quarles skillfully demonstrates how permissive this position became:

By the time of the composition of the Mishnah (AD 200), most rabbis seem to have embraced the view of Hillel. The Mishnah specified numerous and ridiculous grounds for divorce that made the covenant of marriage meaningless.

The Mishnah stated that a man could divorce his wife if she were barren (m. Yebam. 6.6; m. Git. 4:8), if she became a deaf mute (m. Yebam. 14:1), or if she had epilepsy, tetanus, warts, or leprosy. Mishnah Ketubbot 5:5 insisted that a man could divorce his wife if she failed to perform certain services in the home . . . if her husband considered her lazy he had the prerogative to divorce her.

Rabbinic law also stated that certain physical defects in the wife were so offensive that they were legitimate grounds for divorce. . . . Consequently, a man could divorce his wife if she had a head that was wedge shaped, turnip shaped, or hammer shaped, or if her head was otherwise malformed such as “sunk in” or “flat at the back.” He could divorce his wife if she had poor posture or if she had thinning hair. He could divorce her if she had no eyebrows, only one eyebrow, or bushy eyebrows. He could divorce her if she had a pug nose. The condition of her eyes was particularly important. If she had eyes too high or too low, if she were cross-eyed, had m. Git. 4:8), if she burned his supper, or if he simply found someone he thought was prettier (m. Git. 9:10).

Not offering sexual relations frequently enough was also grounds for divorce, and the law specifically expressed appropriate expectations regarding this matter. The wife had to satisfy her husband every day if he had the time, twice a week if he were a day laborer, every 30 days if he were a camel driver, and every six months if he were a sailor (m. Ketub. 5:6). (Quarles, Sermon, 125–27)

Today we, in our arrogance and with our superiority complex, find such a worldview comical. In our enlightened way of thinking, we don’t need a reason at all to end a marriage by divorce. We call it “no-fault divorce.” Jesus, in Matthew 5 and 19, clearly and forcefully condemns the idea of frivolous divorce that was gaining popularity in his day. The wife, in particular, must be protected from such insanity. Marriage is a sacred, divine, and ordained institution given as a gift by a great God. We dare not trifle with it.

Though Divorce Is Permitted in Specific Circumstances, It Is Never Commanded

According to Matthew 5 and 19, sexual immorality gives one permission to divorce a spouse. First Corinthians 7:12-16 appears to give permission for divorce if a believing spouse is left or abandoned by an unbelieving partner. But in these instances divorce is only permitted, not required. Nothing in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation mandates a divorce. The only possible exception to this is the difficult issue of intermarriage among the Israelites with idolatrous pagans in Ezra 9–10. Nonetheless, in the rest of Scripture, God never places divorce as the first or preferred option.

Even When There Is Biblical Grounds for Divorce, God’s Desire Is for Reconciliation and Restoration if Possible

Not only does God never command divorce; God desires that there be healing in marriage. Our God is a God of reconciliation. He would always prefer that partners in even the most troubled marriage pursue reconciliation and restoration (see 1 Cor 7:10-11). In our fallen world, genuine reconciliation will not always take place. But this does not negate the fact that reconciliation is God’s perfect will and desire. Through the gospel God delights in putting broken lives back together. Through the gospel God delights in putting broken marriages and homes back together too.

Those Who Are Guilty of the Sin of Adultery Should Repent and Pursue Anew God’s Standards of Sanctity in Marriage

None of us is capable of going back in time and undoing our past. No doubt all of us immediately would do so and change some things if we could. But we can’t. We have to live in the now and deal with life in the present. Divorce on unbiblical grounds is sin. When one remarries for any reason other than sexual immorality or desertion by an unbeliever, that is sin. However, our God is a gracious and forgiving God who immediately and fully forgives confessed sin (1 John 1:9). As Quarles writes, “The new marriage is initially but not perpetually adulterous. Thus, remarriage without biblical grounds is sinful, even adulterous, but the marriage does not remain so” (wronged and make reconciliation and restoration to the fullest degree they possibly can. They should not divorce their current spouses and try to reunite with their previous spouses. Blomberg is right: “[They] should begin afresh to observe God’s standards by remaining faithful to their current partner” (Matthew, 111). Christians must do the right thing now—today and tomorrow—before God and in relation to their current spouses.

Be a faithful spouse today and in the future until separated by death. Commit daily to lifelong faithfulness and fidelity. Model today the difference the gospel makes in a marriage. Do not excuse your past sin and failures. Acknowledge them, confess them, repent of them, and then move forward in the grace and forgiveness and mercy of God, doing the right thing to all!

Jesus Expects Divorce to Be the Rare Exception and Not the Rule within the Community of Faith

Divorce may be the norm in the culture, but it must never be the norm in our churches. As a community of new covenant believers, who have received a new heart through the gospel (Jer 31; Ezek 36), we possess an internal power by the Holy Spirit to remain faithful and to honor our marriage vows that others may not be able to do. This is a supernatural result of our new life in Christ that now characterizes our lives. Furthermore, it is the spiritual implementation of our living out the beatitudes (5:3-12) as citizens of Christ’s kingdom. As the great patristic preacher John Chrysostom (ca. AD 349–407) said, “For he who is meek, and a peacemaker, and poor in spirit, and merciful, how shall he cast out his wife?” (Hom. Mt.,17.4). As repenting sinners, who daily seek our Savior’s forgiveness, we gladly extend that same forgiveness to our spouses. As those who have been reconciled to God, we continually pursue reconciliation, not divorce, as we live together in marriage. This is our Lord’s command. This is his will. This is our daily and lifelong pursuit!

Conclusion

Marriage is not a fairy tale. It is hard work. But it is worthwhile work. It is work that needs a husband and wife to say from the beginning, “Divorce is not allowed. It will not be an option for us. We will stay true and faithful. We will stay committed and work through the tough times. This is what our God asks of us. In light of what he has done for us in Christ, how could we even consider saying no to him?”

Reflect and Discuss

1. The Bible describes God’s relationship to his people as a marriage (see Eph 5:25-33; Rev 19:7-9). How does this teaching help us understand Jesus’s teaching in Matthew better?
2. What was the only exception Jesus gave for divorce? What other exception did Paul offer? Why are all other reasons not valid?
3. In what ways is Jesus’s prohibition of divorce a good thing for us?
4. This chapter shows the many reasons divorce occurred in the first century. Is our culture more or less like that context in our inclination to divorce? Why or why not?
5. Should one try to seek divorce immediately upon discovering a spouse’s sexual immorality?
6. If a spouse is repentant, how can the gospel be shown through a reconciled marriage? What other benefits are there when a marriage is reconciled?
7. This chapter teaches that divorce should not be the norm in the Christian community. What can the church do to help marriages last?
8. Why would it be wrong for a Christian who has divorced and remarried to reunite with his or her first spouse?
9. Jesus’s teaching about divorce comes immediately after his teaching about lust. How are these two connected?
10. Place marriage in the Bible’s story line. What was God’s design for marriage? How has it been twisted by sin? How can Christians bring healing to marriage through the gospel? How will Christ restore marriage completely one day?