Is He Really the Man of My Dreams?

In this dream sequence, the guards said nothing to Shulammite (v. 3), so she moves on. She will not be sidetracked or stopped as she seeks her king. Suddenly, unexpectedly, she tells us, "I had just passed them when I found the one I love." We can easily sense her excitement in her discovery! "I found him! I found him!"

Finding him, she is anything but docile and passive in her response: "I held on to him and would not let him go until I brought him to my mother's house—to the chamber of the one who conceived me." 95Shulammite's persistence has paid off. She found her bridegroom-king and she is not about to let him go, now or ever. To make crystal clear her intentions, she takes him to her maternal home, a place where she feels safe and secure. Further, in beautiful Hebrew parallelism, she will take him into "the chamber of the one who conceived me." I believe this means she took him into the bedroom for a time of intimacy. Tremper Longman says, "She grabbed him ardently and pulled him back to the privacy of her mother's bedroom. These actions certainly dispel a typical stereotype of the woman's 'role' in a relationship. She is no passive wallflower waiting for the advances of the more active male. She grabs him and hauls him off to the privacy of the bedroom" (Longman, Songs, 130). Gledhill believes our text means even more than this! He notes,

Such actions on the part of a woman or man should only take place when you are rock solid certain this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Indeed such actions should only take place within the covenant of marriage, which leads us to our fourth and final question.

Song of Songs 3:5

Verse 5 is the second of three occasions (2:7; 3:5; 8:4) in which the readers of this Song are placed under an oath along with the "Young women of Jerusalem" (NKJV, ESV, "O daughters of Jerusalem"). There is a divine solemnity to this oath as all are challenged to not give way to sexual passion "until the appropriate time." That time, as Scripture makes perfectly clear, is marriage between a man and a woman united in a covenant relationship for life. Indeed as King Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, "What God has joined together, man must not separate."

Once again we are reminded that sex is a good (great!) gift from a great God. What is necessary for its maximal enjoyment is the right person at the right place at the right time. Here there is maximum protection, pleasure, and partnership. If he is the right man, he is worth the wait. If she is the right woman, she is worth the wait.

Unfortunately, too many have been deceived by the lies of the evil one. They have been convinced that premarital sex is the norm and that it comes without consequences, and in their deception they have suffered disappointments and sorrows that are all too common. In their well-researched book Premarital Sex in America (2011), Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker expose what they call "Ten Myths about Sex in Emerging America." These are especially relevant to the issue of sex before and outside of marriage and provide serious food for thought. These myths include:

Myths deceive, but God's Word is a sure and certain guide. His counsel is always for our holiness. His wisdom is always for our good. If this 97is the right person, he or she is worth the wait. You will be glad you waited.

Practical Applications from Song of Songs 3:1-5

Asking questions, lots of questions, is a wise and good thing to do before getting married. We should ask good questions of each other and we should also seek the wisdom of family and friends who love us and have our best interest at heart. It is simply impossible to have too much information when we make this second most important decision we will ever make in all of life. Of course, the first and most important decision of all is whether I will trust my life completely and only to Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. No questions will ever trump this one!

Howard Hendricks (1924-2013) was a hero in ministry to me and thousands of others. "Prof," as he was fondly known by his students, taught Bible Interpretation at Dallas Theological Seminary for more than 50 years. But he also taught on marriage and family. Some years ago a friend passed on to me Prof's list of "Thirty Questions Most Frequently Asked by Young Couples Looking Forward to Marriage." There is some real wisdom here, and any couple contemplating marriage would be well served to walk through them one by one.

Douglas O'Donnell draws our attention to the fact that "there is a long history of Christians making a connection between the heart of our text (3:1-4) and John 20, the tomb scene where Mary Magdalene encountered the resurrected Jesus. Hippolytus (Bishop of Rome from 222 to 235), was the first to point out the possible parallels between the Song 99and this Gospel scene, arguing that our text is a prophecy" (O'Donnell, Song, 71). It is indeed the case that both Shulammite and Mary go in search of their king while it is dark. Both are met by others in their search. Both, once finding the object of their affection, cling fast, not wanting to ever let go again. These parallels are worth thinking about to be sure.

O'Donnell also notes certain thematic elements with another well-known Gospel story: the story of the wee little man named Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10). Again we see a man seeking the King, finding Him, and taking Him to his house! This is good! But—and I appreciate O'Donnell's insight so much at this point—this little story is eclipsed by the "Big Story" of redemption:

So Jeremiah 29:13-14 most certainly is true and beautifully illustrated in Song of Songs 3:1-5: "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you—this is the Lord's declaration." Yes, we will find our King when we seek Him, but unlike Shulammite, it will be because He first sought us, He first loved us (1 John 4:19). The Song of Songs is a beautiful love story to be sure. And it is a door that opens up to us an even greater love story, the greatest love story of all, found in a greater King, a greater Solomon, the King whose name is Jesus.