The Marks of a Redeemed and Reconciled Relationship

Solomon begins by saying to Shulammite, "You are as beautiful as Tizrah, my darling [ESV, 'my love'], lovely as Jerusalem, awe-inspiring as an army of banners." These were two great and beautiful cities in that day. Lamentations 2:15 calls Jerusalem "the perfection of beauty, the joy of the whole earth." This woman's beauty was so captivating and powerful to her husband that it was like he was looking at an awesome army with its banners in full display. Longman puts it well: "The beauty of the woman is so overpowering that it arouses fear as well as joy" (Song, 180). He sees beauty and strength in this woman.

Solomon is captivated by his wife's beauty. Bewitched! Under a spell! Her eyes are hypnotic, so he pleads with her, "Turn your eyes away from me." He then draws on prior descriptions of her, praising her hair (6:5), her teeth (6:6), and the beauty of her brow or cheeks, perhaps her temples (6:7). George Schwab says, "She singularly overwhelms the boy" ("Song," 414).

When I began dating Charlotte, some of my friends said I had been "caught in Charlotte's web!" They were right. Like Solomon, I was captivated, overwhelmed by her beauty. And I still am! Her eyes, her mouth, her face, and yes the rest of her, ensnared me and I have never been able to escape. The fact is, I have not wanted to. Why? Because I am hers and she is mine.

This man wants this lady to know she is one of a kind. Special. Unique. As a lady, a woman of God, she transcends all others in his eyes. She is his standard of beauty. There is no lady like his lady.

In 6:8-9 he says there may be "60 queens and 80 concubines, and young women without number." None compare to her. She is his dove (1:15; 4:2; 5:2), his virtuous one (ESV, "perfect one"), she is unique (ESV, "the only one"). This favorable opinion is also shared by her mother and other women as well. Indeed they all "sing her praises" (6:9c).

Solomon is masterfully cultivating an environment of romance for his wife. No one compares to her. She is literally unique. All who know her bless her and praise her. Those who know her best love and admire her most, beginning with her husband. Tom Gledhill well says, "Happy is the girl who receives so much extravagant praise" (Message, 194). No doubt she is a happy girl. Her husband has seen to it.

We are not certain of the speaker in verse 10. It could be Solomon, but most Old Testament scholars think it is the woman. There is no problem as to the meaning. All who know her see her in this light, her husband and everyone else. As a person and in appearance, four things are said about her: (1) she "shines like the dawn," (2) she is "as beautiful as the moon," (3) she is "bright as the sun," and (4) she is "awe-inspiring as an army with banners" (also 6:4). We might say she is celestial in her 147beauty and powerful in her presence. I love Duane Garrett's take on this verse, "In a Cinderella motif, the woman who was very ordinary is now extraordinary in her beauty and breathtaking to behold" (Proverbs, 418). Douglas O'Donnell simply adds, "She is out of this world" (Song, 102).

Marriage is hard work. It is also worthwhile work. One of the ways we work through difficult times is by seeking to bless our mates. This is a wonderful path to reconciliation, and it gives evidence of our Lord's redeeming work in our lives. As we have seen in our study, a woman has her part and a man has his part. What follows are some specific ways we can bless our spouses. Make sure to pay attention to your own responsibilities—let the Lord Jesus work on your mate!

A wife can be a blessing to her husband by honoring him as the church honors Christ and giving him specific gifts of love:

1. Give him admiration and respect. As his wife, work to understand and appreciate his value and achievements. Remind him of his capabilities and gifts. Help him maintain his walk with God and also his self-confidence. Be proud of your husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man you love and with whom you have chosen to share your life (Eph 5:22-23, 33).

2. Provide sexual fulfillment. Become an excellent sexual partner to him. Study your own response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in you; then communicate this information to your husband, and together learn to have a sexual relationship that you both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable (Prov 5:15-19; Song 4:9-5:1; 1 Cor 7:1-5; Heb 13:4).

3. Cultivate home support. Create a home that offers him an atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. Manage the home and the care of the children. The home should be a place of rest and rejuvenation. Remember, the wife/mother is the emotional hub of the family (Prov 9:13; 19:13; 21:9, 19; 25:24).

4. Strive to be an attractive wife. Pursue inner and outer beauty in that order. Cultivate a Christlike spirit in your inner self. Keep yourself physically fit with diet and exercise, wear your hair, makeup, and clothes in a way that your husband finds attractive and tasteful. Let your husband 148be pleased and proud of you in public, but also in private (Song 1:8-10; 2:2; 6:13-7:9; 1 Pet 3:1-5)!

5. Become his best friend. Develop mutual interests with your husband. Discover those activities your husband enjoys the most and seek to become proficient in them. If you learn to enjoy them, join him in them. If you do not enjoy them, encourage him to consider others that you can enjoy together. Become your husband's best friend so that he repeatedly associates you with the activities he enjoys most (Song 8:1-2, 6).

A husband can be a blessing to his wife by loving her as Christ loved the church and giving her specific gifts of love:

1. Be a spiritual leader. Be a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. Take the initiative in cultivating a spiritual environment for the family. Become a capable and competent student of God's Word and live out before all a life founded on the Word of God. Lead your wife in becoming a woman of God, and take the lead in training the children in the things of the Lord (Ps 1; Eph 5:23-27).

2. Give her personal affirmation and appreciation. Praise her for personal attributes and qualities. Praise her virtues as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Openly commend her, in the presence of others, as a marvelous mate, friend, and companion. Help her feel that, to you, no one is more important in this world (Prov 31:28-29; Song 4:1-7; 6:4-9; 7:1-9).

3. Show personal affection (romance). Shower her with timely and generous displays of affection. Tell her how much you care for her with a steady flow of words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. Remember, affection is the environment in which sexual union is enjoyed more fully and a wonderful marriage is developed (Song 6:10, 13; Eph 5:28-29, 33).

4. Initiate intimate conversation. Talk with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). Listen to her thoughts (i.e., her heart) about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Conversations with her convey a desire to understand her not to change her (Song 2:8-14; 8:13-14; 1 Pet 3:7).

5. Always be honest and open. Look into her eyes and, in love, always tell the truth (Eph 4:15). Explain your plans and actions clearly and 149completely because you are responsible for her. Lead her to trust you and feel secure (Prov 15:22-23).

6. Provide home support and stability. Take hold of the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. Provide and protect, and do not feel sorry for yourself when things get tough. Look for concrete ways to improve home life. Raise the marriage and family to a safer and more fulfilling level. Remember, the husband/father is the security hub of the family (1 Tim 5:8).

7. Demonstrate family commitment. After the Lord Jesus, put your wife and family first. Commit time and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the children. For example, pray with them (especially at night by the bedside), read to them, engage in sports with them, and take them on other outings. Do not play the fool's game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while your children and spouse languish in neglect (Eph 6:4; Col 3:19-20).

The vision our bride has of her husband (5:10-16) is almost apocalyptic. It draws us to consider another vision in the last book of the Bible, the Revelation. There in 1:13-16 we see a vision of "One like the Son of Man," our great Shepherd-King, the Lord Jesus. Schwab notes we have here in our Song "an almost theophonic picture similar to Revelation 1:13-16. The young man is larger than life" ("Song," 410). I think he is exactly right. The young man is larger than life because he points us to Christ! Comparing Song of Songs 5:10-16 to Revelation 1:13-16, we see a magnificent description of Christ's head and hair, His eyes, His face, and His mouth. He is majestic and awesome, much like our bridegroom in the Song of Songs, but so much more. Interestingly, one can count ten features of the one being described both in Song of Songs 5:10-16 and in Revelation 1:13-16. There is no king like this King. He is larger than life and other-worldly. Again, Israel must have wondered, "I know the song is poetry, but will there ever be such a man, such a king, on this earth?" The good news of the gospel is yes! His name is Jesus!

And what about the bride? Oh how this king loves his bride! She is unique, his special possession. His praise for her is unparalleled. Why? Because he sees her as he has made her. He has imparted his life to her. He has given his heart to her and received hers in return. She is "my 150perfect one, the only one" (ESV, 6:9). He has sacrificed for her and sanctified her. He has been sensitive to her and he is satisfying to her. This is the love that this man has for his wife. This is the love that Christ has for His bride. Ephesians 5:25-33 runs through this Song, but it is especially evident here.

In our Song, the garden of Eden has been regained, but it anticipates even more. We wait for a king like no other. We long to be a bride loved like no other. For those who know Christ, what we long for has already arrived (Rom 5:10-11).