What Do You Do When the Honeymoon Comes to an End?

His companion. A man wants his wife to be his best friend.

His complement. A woman is necessary to complete a man. (Adapted from Turnbull and Turnbull, "What Your Husband Really Wants")

A single friend of mine playfully says, "Being single makes for lonely nights but it sure makes for peaceful days." A married man longs for both peaceful days and intimate nights. Where those things are absent, regret is certain to follow.

Song of Songs 5:7

In 2 Corinthians 7:9-10 Paul writes,

Because of the content and nature of Song of Songs 5:7, I am all the more convinced this section of our Song is a dream. It is virtually impossible to believe Solomon's wife, the queen of Israel, would be treated the way she seems to be treated in this verse. First, "The guards who go about the city found me." She cannot find her husband but she is found by the police who guard the streets and walls of the city. She is seeking her man (v. 6) but only runs into other men, men she views as little more than a desert (1:14)! Second, "They beat and wound me." Third, "They took my cloak" (or veil). She is stopped, struck, and stripped. Though interpretive certainty is not possible, I see here the blows of repentance given to her by the Lord that will lead to restoration and reconciliation with her husband. Dennis Kinlaw raises the questions, "Does this treatment by the watchmen reflect the girl's guilt and sense of failure at the slowness of her response to her husband?" ("Song," 1232). I believe it does. Griffiths refers to it as "a love wound" (Song, 125). Having been broken—heartbroken—she now acts on her change of heart. It is painful. It hurts. In her case, it is even humiliating. However, it is worth it.

In another book of wisdom, the book of Job, we find words that closely parallel the words of this verse. There, in Job 23:8-10, we read,

Charles Spurgeon said of repentance, "It is a discovery of the evil of sin, a mourning that we have committed it, a resolution to forsake it. It is, in fact, a change of mind of a very deep and practical character" ("Apostolic Exhortation"). This is beautifully put on display by Shulammite in this verse. Her wounds went deep, but her healing would be complete.

Song of Songs 5:8

The full fruit of Shulammite's reconciliation with Solomon is beautifully detailed in 5:9ff. However, its seed is deposited for us to see here in 5:8. Once again Shulammite calls to her girlfriends, "the young women of Jerusalem." Shulammite has previously charged them in 2:7 and 3:5. She will do so again in 8:5 with the same exact oath. Here her charge is different. Regret led to repentance, which now leads to a longing for reconciliation. What Shulammite is about to say is important, and she wants there to be witnesses to her words. Further, she, in essence, calls on her girlfriends to join in her reconnaissance mission. My friend Bill Cutrer, who is now in heaven, said, "Shulammite sends a message of her present, repentant, anxious desires for her lover" ("Unpublished Notes").

What is her charge? Listen to it in several translations:

Our bride loves her man and she wants everyone to know it—especially him. She is weighed down with lovesickness for him, a strong and powerful image. She grieves over his absence and separation, and she will not stand for it. She is looking for him and she enlists others to join her in the search. Whoever finds him first is to let him know that she loves him, she desires him, she wants him. What kind of man is her man that she would speak so boldly and publicly? The answer will follow in 5:10-16. No wonder she longed to be reconciled to her man. No wonder he wanted the same thing, too (6:4-10).

In marriage, the eye finds, the heart chooses, the hand binds, and only death should loose. Howard Markman said while speaking at Duquesne University in October 1999, "It's not how much you love each other, but when conflicts arise, [it's] how you handle them that determines the success of your marriage or relationship." George Worgul of Duquesne University also added, "Many people want to have good 138relationships and enjoy a happy marriage. Love, however, is hard work" (cited in Akin, God on Sex, 177-78). Both men were right. Marriage is hard work. But it is worthwhile work, and when the work is pursued following God's guidelines and seeking His glory, you'll enjoy a Christian marriage and discover a Christian bedroom as our great God intended: one that is satisfying, liberated, sensual, erotic, intimate, and pleasing both to God and one another. With a commitment to Jesus and to one another, and the courage to stay with it no matter what, we can find the joy God planned for all of us. On the other side of repentance, reconciliation is waiting.

Practical Applications from Song of Songs 5:2-8

Relationships are a challenge in a fallen world ravaged by sin. This is especially true when it comes to marriage. Two sinners saved by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ are still sinners. They need the enablement of His Spirit and the instruction of His Word to be a blessing rather than a curse to their mates. Simply put, they need His attitude; they need His mind (Phil 2:5). Below are ten principles that "flesh out" the mind of Christ to help us restore, redeem, and rejoice in the relationships of life. They are exactly the things our shepherd-king and his beautiful bride needed to get their marriage back on track.

A Hebrew person reading this text would have been surprised, if not stunned, by the rebuff of Shulammite to Solomon her king. They would also be amazed at his gentle pleading and request. Kings don't plead; they demand. Kings don't beg; they command. At least that is true of most earthly kings. By contrast, this shepherd-king, this lover, stands at the door knocking, asking his bride to let him enter that they might enjoy sweet communion and intimacy. Would the world ever see such a king with such power and grace all wrapped up in one man? Yes it would!

In Revelation 3:20 we see "the Alpha and the Omega" (Rev 1:8), "the First and the Last" (Rev 1:17), "the Amen, the faithful and true Witness" (Rev 3:14), the "KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS" (Rev 19:16) standing at the door of His church gently knocking. What are the tender and pleading words that flow from His mouth? "Listen! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and have dinner with him, and he with Me" (Rev 3:20). That precious invitation from the great King is for you! It is for me! It is an invitation to be restored to a right relationship with your Creator (Rev 3:14). It is an invitation to be reconciled with your 140Shepherd-King who has redeemed you by His blood (Rev 5:9). One greater than Solomon desires to enter into sweet, spiritual intimacy with His chosen ones. He stands at the door gently knocking. If I might paraphrase an old gospel hymn written in 1880 by Will Thompson,

Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,

Calling for you and for me,

Here, at the door, He's waiting and knocking,

Watching for you and for me.

Why should we tarry when Jesus is pleading,

Pleading for you and for me?

Why should we linger and heed not His mercies,

Mercies for you and for me?

Oh, for the wonderful love He has promised,

Promised for you and for me!

Though we have sinned, He has mercy and pardon,

Pardon for you and for me. (Thompson, "Softly and Tenderly")