Of all of the wonderful topics I am privileged to write on, the concept of singleness still brings me great joy. You might wonder how I can feel so excited over a relational status that is so often outcasted and undesired, often within the Christian community. Now that singleness is in the rearview mirror of my life, I see it from a different perspective. The moments that were incredibly painful, the times I cried many tears, and the days that seemed like years waiting on a man to marry now make a lot more sense. Today I want to share three ways in which you can feel unstuck as a single.
After an extended time of mandated isolation, you may have found yourself in a rhythm of a “new normal.” You might even have really enjoyed some “you time.” However, we must remember that we are created for community. God Himself models this through the Trinity. If it is good enough for God, then I believe that it is good enough for us. When we isolate in singleness, we seat ourselves on the sidelines and disqualify our gifts from the game of life. You have tremendous capabilities for authentic friendships, sweet family connections, church relationships, and community impact.
I think about the Scripture verses found in Matthew 5:14-16, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
When someone is single, it can be tempting to feel the need to show confidence in that independence, and as a result never let people do life with you. I want to encourage you not to be the hero. Jesus is with you and has so many wonderful people whom you can encourage and who can bless you too. Other singles need friends, married people need companions, divorced people need community, etc. You have a lot to offer through your experiences and valued perspective through your lens.
Push past the lies of the enemy and put the effort into forming relationships in your town. Take the initiate to invite others into your beautiful life.
You might be rolling your eyes on the other side of the screen, but it is true. Practicing thankfulness produces a more positive attitude. When I am actively thanking God, I realize the many blessings all around my life. Some people call this the glass-half-full perspective.
In singleness it is very easy to have a “woe is me” mentality. You may have prayed and cried out to the Lord so many times to bring your significant other, but it has not happened the way in which you had hoped. You might be in the middle of a heartbreak after putting yourself out there again. You may even be someone who is completely happy to be single, but missing the gift of joy in your independent living. Having a gratitude attitude will shape every day of your life no matter what season you are in right now.
Let’s face it, the hard times are the refining moments in which the Lord reaches down and carries us. The Bible says in Psalm 34:18 that God is close to the brokenhearted. He is an ever-present help in times of need (Psalm 46:1).
If you cannot find anything to be thankful for, start with salvation. Look around you. Do you have a bed? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have running water? Do you have transportation? What about the beauty of nature? Do you see a gorgeous plant? Do you hear the beautiful melody of a bird? Thankfulness to God is worship unto Him. No, you may not like this season, but you do not have to be miserable in it.
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When I look back at the relationships built, ministry accomplished, and lives impacted because I was single longer than I would have chosen to be, I am grateful. In the moments I was not always happy about it, but knowing that my struggles were not wasted and were even used as a blessing to others gave me the courage to press into my season of singleness.
What is your purpose right now? Who are you being asked to love and minister to in this time? How are you taking steps to seek the Lord individually and enjoying this moment with full focus on Him?
1 Corinthians 7:17 says, “Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.”
Have you ever thought about how singleness is your assignment from God? This might be short or long. I think about in the military when a solider receives an assignment, he reports to His commander and goes out faithfully to complete the mission at hand. You are in the army of the Lord, and if singleness is your current task, my encouragement to you is to give this time your all. Do not go a day without dedicating it to God. Be a blessing to those around you. Give as much time as you can to seeking the heart of the Savior and drawing near to Him. He is your First Love. He cares for the desires of your heart. Even when if feels as if He is keeping someone good from you, remember that He delights in giving good gifts to His children. Some of the best gifts are the unexpected surprises that we never asked for, but come to the most use in our lives.
Matthew 7:11 says, “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
You are seen and loved my single friend. You have an honored place at the table of faith. You have gifts and talents that are valid. Refuse to isolate, practice thankfulness, and seek God’s purposes for this time. Then, one day you too will look back on your life and see the hand of the Lord at work and the reason for His timing.
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Emma Danzey’s mission in life is to inspire young women to embrace the extraordinary. One of her greatest joys is to journey with the Lord in His Scriptures. Emma is a North Carolina resident and green tea enthusiast! She is married to her husband Drew and they serve international college students. She enjoys singing, dancing, trying new recipes, and watching home makeover shows. During her ministry career, Emma recorded two worship EP albums, founded and led Polished Conference Ministries, ran the Refined Magazine, and served in music education for early childhood. Currently, she is in the editing stages of her first two writing projects: a Bible study on womanhood and a non-fiction book on singleness. You can visit her blog at emmadanzey.wordpress.com