Does the Bible Advise Us about Dealing with Grief?
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Grief is an inevitable aspect of the human journey, an emotional terrain we navigate when confronted with life’s tragedies. If you haven’t experienced grief yet, just wait a little longer. It will happen at some point.
Losing cherished people, possessions, or even opportunities often triggers grief. While the experience of grief is common to us all, it is also deeply personal because we all respond to grief differently.
As you grapple with this emotion, a question arises. How do you effectively cope with grief, and what wisdom does the Bible offer in guiding us through this process? When dealing with grief, the Bible can be a comfort source. It can provide insights and solace to help you navigate the challenging path of healing and renewal.
Does the Bible Permit Us to Grieve?
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, Ecclesiastes 3:4)
The Bible permits us to grieve. Not only is it proper to have a period of feeling the loss when dealing with grief, but the Bible also welcomes and encourages it.
While the Bible allows us time to grieve, it does not give direction on how long to grieve. Unfortunately, some people never move beyond the grieving process. When I was a teenager, one teen in our youth group died suddenly in an accident. This was traumatic for us, especially his parents. I remember his mom never truly recovered from losing her son. She remained in a perpetual state of grief for the rest of her life.
Grieving a loved one differs from grieving a possession, relationship, or opportunity. Even though the way and possibly the length of the grief may differ, it should not paralyze you for the rest of your life. I don’t know how long it is proper to grieve. I don’t know if there is a one-size-fits-all answer to that question.
I do know there is a time for grieving and a time for healing. In the loss of people, healing does not mean you forget them. There will always be a part of you that misses them, but that should not prevent you from moving forward in your life. The same holds true for lost possessions, relationships, and opportunities. Embrace the grieving process. Just make sure you don’t allow the loss to keep you from living. Remember, there is a time for weeping and mourning but also for laughing and dancing.
Does the Bible Give Comfort When Dealing with Grief?
The Bible is a significant source of comfort when dealing with grief. You can find comfort in many scriptures, but I want to highlight just two.
Dealing with grief over the loss of a loved one
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 3:3-4)
When experiencing the loss of someone you loved, those are the moments we need God’s comfort the most. Thankfully, he has promised to comfort us in all our troubles. We are reminded elsewhere in scripture that the Lord is near the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). This means that when you are dealing with grief, God is walking close to you and carrying you through it.
Dealing with grief over the loss of possessions, relationships, and opportunities
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
Sometimes the grief over these losses can keep you looking backward forever. You can lament a lost love or missed opportunity. In these moments, you can find God’s comfort differently. This comes by knowing he is still at work in your life. Holding on to this promise can help you overcome the feelings of loss. It can help you recognize that even though what you lost was valuable to you, your life is not over because God is working it all for your good.
How Can Christians Help Children Dealing with Grief?
When children deal with grief, the type of help you give them will depend on how old they are. For this instance, the grief I am referring to is the loss of a loved one. I am not a grief counselor, but the child’s age matters in how they deal with grief. Therefore, their age will affect how you help them. The child’s development also factors in how they process and understand death and deal with the grief associated with it. I believe the most supportive thing Christians can do is to be a source of comfort to the child. Regardless of their age, they will express grief in various ways. Each child’s uniqueness will require a solution appropriate to them.
How Can Churches Help Widowed People Dealing with Grief?
One thing I can speak of from personal experience is a widowed person’s grief. In 2010, my late wife passed away from cancer, leaving me a widower and single parent. Based on that experience, here are two things I would recommend for churches to help widowed people.
Don’t forget them, but give them room
Widowed people must live a balance between wanting to be alone and wanting to be part of the group. So often, as a married couple, your identities are intertwined. In this new stage of life, the widowed person must reestablish their identity as a single person. It is important to allow them to do this.
One thing to do so is to consider how widowed people feel when they engage in events. Shortly after my late wife passed away, I was sitting around the table with a group of married couples, which was common for us to do. However, this time, I was sitting alone. At that point, I felt like a third wheel, which made me feel alone and further exasperated my grief. I don’t know if the people around the table felt this or even knew this. As the ones offering support, understanding these existing emotions will help you think through how you help widowed people in this situation.
Don’t judge their future relationship decisions
A widowed person might seek to find a relationship again, or they may choose not to. Either way, don’t judge them, but support them in their decision. Some people will find comfort and healing in another relationship, while others won’t. Neither is a right or wrong decision, but one of personal preference. For me, getting remarried was the right decision. However, I know of others who did not. It is important to walk with them through this process—providing love, support, and encouragement.
One last thing. If a widowed person enters another relationship, avoid the “it’s too soon for another relationship” speech unless the relationship contains something obviously unhealthy. As well-intentioned as you might be, that is not your decision.
Final thought
There are no simple answers to dealing with grief other than recognizing that people deal with it in many ways. Most important, in my opinion, is to be available for the person dealing with grief. Be there to listen. Be there to pray. Be there to walk with them through the process. Those things may make all the difference for the person dealing with grief.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/AntonioGuillem
