How Does the Bible Define Marriage?

Is cereal a soup?

You might be thinking, “well, that’s dumb. Of course it isn’t soup!”

But hold on. Let’s think this through. Cereal has a liquid base. It’s served in a bowl. It’s eaten with a spoon. Are those not the three core features of soup?

You’re ready to rebut. “Cereal is cold! Soup can’t be cold!”

Then why is gazpacho or vichyssoise classified as a soup if it’s chilled? Temperature clearly isn’t the dividing line. Tell me again, why cereal isn’t a soup.

Of course, we’d be pretty ridiculous to argue about this for any length of time. And I’ll admit that I’m actually on your side here that cereal isn’t a soup. But we’re only going to settle this if we can agree on a definition. If we can agree with the dictionary that soup is “a liquid food made by boiling or simmering meat, fish, or vegetables with various added ingredients,” then we have to admit that just because you add milk to dried grains (cereal) it doesn’t make it a soup.

Definitions matter.

This is true when it comes to arguing about soup, but it’s even more important when it comes something as foundational to our society as marriage.

Why Does It Matter How We Define Marriage?

I’m going to dig in for a second, here. I don’t imagine that our culture is going to come to a settled definition of marriage any time soon. Part of that reason is because we’ve lost shared foundations. We don’t agree on who gets to determine the meaning of marriage, and thus we can have numerous definitions out there.

That’s why this article isn’t about how our government should define marriage. Nor is it even trying to gather some kind of consensus on the topic. I think it’d be helpful for us to simply explain how the Bible talks about marriage, how it defines it, and then go from there. But before doing that I want to show you the potential benefit of having a definition of marriage. There are three main reasons.

1. Definitions Determine Direction 

Let’s go back to our silly question about soup and cereal. If soup means “any food with ingredients in a liquid, eaten with a spoon,” then you could make a surprisingly strong case that cereal qualifies. The disagreement isn’t really about breakfast; it’s about the definition you carry into the conversation. If the definition shifts, the conclusion shifts with it.

Look what happens when we do that with marriage. Two people can use the word marriage yet head in completely different directions if their definitions aren’t aligned. That means if your handsome beau thinks marriage fundamentally means “living under the same roof with someone who is gonna make me a sandwich and have sex whenever I want,” that’s going to impact the direction of your marriage.

Likewise, if you think that marriage is for your personal happiness, that’s going to have an impact on even how you fight. If you view it like a flexible social contract, then it’s not going to take as much to call up a divorce lawyer.

If you begin with the wrong definition, you’ll walk confidently toward the wrong destination.

2. Definitions Protect Us from Distortion

Many marriage struggles can be traced back to wrong expectations. When people assume marriage exists to meet all their emotional needs, or to solve loneliness, or to validate their identity, disappointment is almost guaranteed. When a spouse expects their partner to do what only God can do, conflict is inevitable.

We all know that soup makes you feel better when you’re sick. I’m not sure cereal does—though I think Fruity Pebbles almost always bring joy. If you are sick and ask your beloved for soup and they bring you cereal, you’ll be sorely disappointed.

3. Definitions Keep Us Anchored in God’s Design

This one should probably say good definitions keep us anchored in God’s design. The point is that if we always shift our definitions, or we don’t even care about definitions, we’ll be tossed to and fro. If we can’t collectively decide what constitutes marriage, then it’s a slippery slope. If cereal is now soup, then what keeps me from putting milk on anything, putting it in a bowl, using a spoon and then calling it soup?

It's good to have an anchor. When Jesus was asked about marriage, He didn’t invent something new. He went back to creation. He anchored marriage not in culture, preference, or politics but in God’s creative design. It’s probably wise to follow Him.

It won’t shock you to discover that we will have more opportunity to flourish as a people when our definition of marriage lines up with how the Bible talks about marriage.

Does the Bible Give a Definition of Marriage?

You won’t find a single verse in the Bible that says, “Marriage is…” But there is a pretty compelling picture that the Bible paints. Awhile back, I was writing curriculum for a marriage seminar and came up with a definition. That was quite a few years ago, and I’m happy to say I don’t think I’d change a thing even still. This is how I defined it then:

Marriage is a binding covenant created by God between one man and one woman for our holiness, for our joy, as a picture of the gospel to spread the glory of God.

One piece of significant pushback I received back then was that I didn’t include anything about children. I’ll stand by that and simply say that I think you can have a biblical marriage even if you have infertility issues. And I also think the two widowed folks I married at the age of 65 were able to fulfill what it means to be married.

I think marriage is the God-designed vehicle by which we obey His command to be fruitful and multiply. But I don’t think you have to put that into the definition.

When I teach on this, I tend to break that definition down into seven distinct statements. First, we see that marriage is a binding covenant. Covenant is a big deal in the Scriptures. From Genesis 2 onward, marriage is portrayed as a covenantal union. Malachi 2:14 explicitly uses that language saying “the wife of your covenant.”

Secondly, marriage is created by God. It’s helpful to know that this is God’s idea. It’s not just a human invention. It is woven into the fabric of creation before sin even enters the world. Because God created marriage, He alone has authority to define it. This means marriage is not ours to restructure based on feelings or cultural trends.

The third statement is often the most controversial as I note that marriage is between one man and one woman. This means breaking away from parents, past relationships, future relationships, and any other lovers. The biblical story never suggests an alternative pattern. That’s true of polygamy (described but never blessed), same-sex marriage, or any other arrangement.

Fourth, marriage is for our holiness. Marriage is uniquely sanctifying. It confronts selfishness. It reveals impatience. It exposes hidden idols and unmasks pride. This is not accidental; marriage is one of God’s primary tools to form Christlike character in us. Ephesians 5 portrays marriage as a place where husbands and wives help one another grow spiritually.

Fifth, marriage is for our joy. Sometimes I read Christian literature on marriage that really emphasizes that fourth point about holiness but doesn’t talk about joy. Ephesians 5 portrays marriage as a place where husbands and wives help one another grow spiritually. If you’re married, God gave this to you as a gift. Scripture celebrates marital joy: “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). Song of Solomon is filled with delight, affection, and romance.

Sixth, marriage is a picture of the gospel. The most stunning truth about marriage is that it points beyond itself. Paul tells us in Ephesians 5 that marriage is patterned after the relationship between Christ and His church. Husbands reflect Christ’s sacrificial love; wives picture the church’s devotion and trust. This means that every marriage is saying something about Jesus. It can tell the truth about the gospel or it can distort it, but it is never neutral.

Finally, marriage spreads the glory of God. This is where I do talk about child-bearing. But it’s not solely defined by that. Marriage participates in God’s mission. From the command to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28) to the call to raise children in the knowledge of God (Deuteronomy 6; Psalm 78), marriage plays a role in discipling the next generation. Marriage is not a cul-de-sac; it is a launching pad for gospel impact.

Seek God’s Definition of Marriage

Marriage is not a blank canvas we get to repaint whenever culture shifts or preferences change. It isn’t something we define and then ask God to bless. It is something God defines and then invites us to live out. When our understanding drifts from His design, our expectations drift with it. And then when our expectations drift, our relationships follow.

What I’ve given you here isn’t the only thing the Bible says about marriage. But this, I think, gives us a good baseline from which to work. Husbands can ask whether or not they are modeling Christ. Wives can consider how they are glorifying God in how they relate to their husband.

In a society where “marriage” can mean almost anything, Christians must be people who uncompromisingly get our definitions from what God has revealed. We shouldn’t say more than God says, but we shouldn’t say less either. You don’t have to hold the culture together. You don’t have to win every debate. But you do need to build your life on what God has revealed.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Hiraman