Sin Isn’t Breaking the Rules, It’s Breaking the Relationship
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The first definition of sin I ever learned was that sin is anything you say, think, or do that goes against what God wants you to do. While this definition was true then and true now, it focuses on sin from a rules perspective. God told you to do this, and you didn’t, so now you have sinned because you have broken his rules.
As I have matured in my walk with the Lord, I have now come to realize that sin isn’t just breaking the rules. It’s breaking the relationship with the Lord. And when you comprehend that, engaging in sin takes on a whole new meaning.
Rules vs Relationship
You can easily slip into a do-or-don’t mindset with God, and that is how we often measure the success of our Christian walk. When I do good, God is happy with me; when I don’t, God is angry with me. The problem with living like this is your walk can become performance-based and legalistic. When legalism sets in, it removes the joy in your relationship with the Lord because you are always wondering how you measure up. This misses the heart of why we walk with Jesus and why we avoid sin.
Listen to the words of Jesus:
"If you love me, keep my commands" (John 14:15).
When you read those words, does your mind jump first to the rules or the relationship? What Jesus is establishing here is that those who love him don’t want to offend him, and that is what sin does. Sure, you are breaking the rules, but you are also driving a wedge into your relationship with the Lord.
Sin Has Always Been about Breaking the Relationship
In the beginning, when God created Adam and Eve, he gave them one rule: don’t eat from that tree. We know, unfortunately, they ate from the tree. However, notice their response to God after doing that:
"Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden" (Genesis 3:8).
Why did they hide? Was it just because they disobeyed God? That was part of it, but they also recognized that something had changed in their relationship with him. For the first time in their life, the presence of God made them afraid, and they hid from him. Prior to this, they had never experienced that before.
Think about the effects of sin in your own life. While you do that, I will tell you about the effects of sin on mine. Sin affects all the factors that contribute to a strong relationship with the Lord. I don’t want to pray. I find worship impossible, and I neglect the Word because I know our fellowship is torn. In those moments, my desire to go to church wanes and being around other believers highlights the deficiency in my walk with the Lord, so I try to avoid that at all costs. When you consider every consequence that comes from sin, they all point to a broken relationship. That’s why sin is so devastating, because it creates tension in your relationship with the Lord.
Let’s get back to you. What are some emotions you feel when you sin? Maybe they might include some of these:
- Shame
- Guilt
- Fear
- Distance
- Conviction
- Sadness
- Disappointment
- Regret
- Insecurity
- Loneliness
When you examine these, they are not just emotional consequences that come from breaking a rule. These are signs that something is off in your relationship. These are the effects of a fellowship with God that has been fractured. That’s why when you sin, you may be breaking the rules. But even greater than that, you are breaking your relationship.
Did David Agonize Over Rules or Relationship?
In one of the greatest repentance prayers in the Bible, Psalm 51, we see David agonizing over his sins of adultery and murder. When you look intently at the words, the heart of his agony is over his broken relationship with God.
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions” (Psalm 51:1).
“Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight” (Psalm 51:4a).
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me” (Psalm 51:10-12).
“You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise” (Psalm 51:16-17).
Listen to David’s heart in these words. David wasn’t just saying “I messed up,” he was saying “I miss you.” The genuine cry of David’s heart was for God to restore him to the place where he could enjoy his presence again because the weight of his sin made that intimacy impossible. That is a cry for relationship, not just a focus on the rules.
Does Sin End Your Relationship?
When you sin, God does not give up on you. He is more invested in this relationship than you are, so sin does not end your relationship. But it does fracture it. Think about the story of the prodigal son. The son broke the relationship with his father, but his father never stopped loving him. When the son finally came to his senses and made his way home, his father ran to him and embraced him. Why did he do that? Because there was now an opportunity for his relationship to be restored.
That’s a picture of God’s heart toward you. He knows you will fall short and have weak moments. If you picture God in those moments standing over you with a ruler in hand ready to punish you, then you have missed his heart. Instead, he waits with open arms, ready to embrace you and forgive you so he can restore complete fellowship with you.
Repentance Restores Relationship
The same way one act of sin can break your relationship; one act of repentance can restore it. That’s why repentance is so beautiful and necessary. It’s not just about cleaning up your actions or doing better next time. Repentance is about returning to the one your heart was made for. Turn away from sin so you can restore your relationship with the Lord.
That’s why when you realize sin is breaking the relationship, your focus should shift from just managing your sin to restoring your intimacy. When your heart is truly after loving God, then the influence of sin loses its stronghold in your heart. It does not mean you will never sin. It means you won’t want to because you understand the effect on your relationship.
Run to God When You Sin
I wish I could tell you that you will walk perfectly in your relationship with God, but you won’t. There will be times you will sin and when that happens, sin may try to convince you that God wants nothing to do with you. That you’ve gone too far or failed too many times.
If your walk with God was only about rules, then that might be true. However, your walk with God is about your relationship, which God values even more than you. Because of that, when you sin and repent, God will always restore you because it has always been about the relationship.
So today, if you’re feeling the weight of your sin, don’t run from God, run to him. Whatever sin has broken in your relationship, I can assure you there is more than enough grace to restore it. God is not just the rule-giver, he is also the relationship restorer.
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