The Art of Intimacy

Songs of Songs 2:3-6

Psalm 1 is a wisdom song that portrays the righteous man as a fruitful tree "whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers" (Ps 1:3). Perhaps Shulammite had this very psalm in mind when she responded in verses 3-6 to Solomon's words of kindness in 2:2. Ultimately Psalm 1 is fulfilled in the One greater than Solomon, the Lord Jesus (Matt 12:42; Luke 11:31). But Solomon, in our Song, typifies the One who is greater than he, and his bride-to-be finds him utterly delightful (2:3) with all that he provides for her. He shades her (2:3) and sustains her (2:5). He invites her into a house of love (2:4) and his loving embrace is an undeniable evidence of his devotion (2:6). He indeed "provides and cares for her, just as Christ does for the church" (Eph 5:29).

So she, as Tremper Longman says, "responds with a botanical analogy of her own" (Longman, Songs, 111). Every woman longs to have a man who is strong and reliable, dependable and trustworthy. This woman has found such a man, and she lets him know it. She also lets him know she wants him.

God has given us some biblical principles governing sex. Given that our text anticipates the issue, let's consider at this point some good guidelines given by our great God. How do we respond to our mate in the right way in this tender and sacred area of life?

This verse is specific and sensual as the imagery of God's good creation is again employed. Our beautiful lady compares her delightful man to an apple (or "apricot") tree found in the forest. This is who her love is "among the young men." An apricot or apple tree in the woods would be rare and something you would not expect to find. It would be attractive to the eyes and sweet to the taste. It also would provide needed sustenance. Solomon said she was a flower woman among thorny women. Shulammite says Solomon is a special tree amid ordinary woods. Finding him brought her great delight, and she loves "to sit in his shade." She delights in him. She is comforted by him. She is protected by him and only him. "I never knew love before, then came you" could be the song of Shulammite's heart.

Shulammite is secure and safe in Solomon's shade, his watchcare. She now longs for physical intimacy, for lovemaking and sexual union. 42She simply says, "His fruit is sweet to my taste." The language is chaste and appropriate. It is not lewd or out of bounds. It is also highly suggestive and erotic. What I find in him I like. What I taste, smell, and feel is sweet and causes me to want more and more. Romance truly is an environment that prepares us for sexual union. As they anticipate their wedding night (4:1-5:1), the flames of passion are under control, but they are burning.

Solomon brings Shulammite into "the banquet hall," literally "the house of wine." This is the only time this phrase is found in the Bible. Wine has already been associated with their love (1:2) and it will be again (4:10; 7:9). "He is intoxicated with her and has brought her to a place to make love" (Longman, Song, 111).

Yes, they desire a private time of sexual union, but their love is something Solomon wants the whole world to know. "He looked on me with love" could be translated "his banner over me was love." I like that rendering better. This is a reference to a military banner used in warfare to rally and gather the troops. The ideas are those of strength, protection, and identification. Her lover is not ashamed to declare his love for her in full public display. His intentions to make love are rooted in a love he is happy for all to see!

Shulammite is overcome by all of this. "I am lovesick" also could be rendered "I am faint with love." The "I" is emphatic. "Quick! Give me something to eat!" is her cry. "Sustain" and "refresh" are both imperatives. "Raisins," like "apricots" (apples), were viewed in that day as highly erotic and sensual. Sexual vibes are everywhere in the air.

In the passion of the moment, Shulammite is still aware of his gentle touch and his warm embrace (2:6). With one hand he cradles her head. With the other he lovingly holds and caresses her. Interestingly, the Hebrew word translated "embrace" is used in the Old Testament "both of a friendly greeting (Gen 48:10) and of a sexual union (Prov 5:20)" (Carr, Song, 93). He is her friend and her lover. Both are vitally important, especially to a woman.

Our beautiful bride has a king who extends his banner over her and who will provide for and protect her for the rest of her life. This reminds me of another King who has a bride He has promised to provide for and protect for all of eternity!

Song of Songs 2:7

A number of years ago a sexual purity movement began called "True Love Waits," which challenged young men and women to make a pledge of sexual abstinence until they married. It is being renewed in our day as the "True Love Project." The new pledge, which focuses on the work of Christ and the pursuit of purity, reads,

Such a pledge clearly has biblical warrant. In fact it has a fan in the most sensual and sexual book in the entire Bible, Song of Songs. Not once, not twice, but three times we read in this love song, "Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and the wild does of the field; do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time" (2:7; 3:5; 8:4). Let's unwrap this solemn oath that Shulammite lays on these young virgin women.

This verse takes the form of an oath as Shulammite charges (ESV, "I adjure you") the young women of Jerusalem. "Give me your word," "Promise," "Swear to it" is the idea. But why mention "the gazelles and the wild does of the field"? Both are creations of God; beautiful female animals, vigorous and sexually active in season—the right time ordained by their Creator. And yet, something more subtle may be going on that you would only see (better "hear") in Hebrew. A number of Hebrew scholars have noticed that the Hebrew word for "gazelles" is sebaoth, which could suggest the name "Yahweh of Sebaoth" (the Lord of Hosts or Armies). And the Hebrew words for "wild does" are ayeloth hassadeh, which sound similar to "El-Shaddai" (Gledhill, Message, 128). This would be a creative and even playful way of evoking the divine names without 44actually using them. Any Hebrew child would have immediately recognized the similarity in sound. The young women of Jerusalem would have done the same, and they would understand that it strengthened and raised the stakes of the oath they were being placed under.

"Love should have its own rhythm and its proper progression. Too fast, too soon would spoil it all" (Kinlaw, "Song," 1222). This is a great word for singles, and this is the word that Shulammite has for the "young women of Jerusalem." "Do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time." The Message (MSG)says, "Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready."

Ecclesiastes 3:5 reminds us that there is "a time to embrace and a time to avoid embracing." Sexual relations are a good thing—a God thing—when they happen at the right place, with the right person, in the right way, and at the right time. Not just any time is a good time. There is a proper time, a God time, and it is called marriage. "Patience now, passion later.... So that's 2:7. Trust God's timing before marriage—wait for your spouse and your wedding day. Wait" (O'Donnell, Song, 61). I have never met anyone who said that they regretted waiting. I know way too many who regret that they didn't.

Sexual attraction is one thing, but marital intimacy is something different. The former can be almost immediate, but the latter grows over time. By God's grace, it grows deep over the years as we share life together. Below is a short and simple marital intimacy test. It is not complicated at all, but it could be insightful and helpful as you seek to grow closer in the intimacy department. A periodic checkup is good for our physical health. It is good when it comes to our marriages too!

A Marital Intimacy Test

(Answer: 4-often, 3-often enough, 2-not enough, 1-rarely, or 0-never for each.)

Place the wife's score in the first blank; the husband's in the second. Then have a loving and healthy conversation concerning what you discovered.

Add up your points and divide by 10. You will get your score per a 4.0 scale.

In Song of Songs 2:3 the bride-to-be says there is no bridegroom like her shepherd-king and that she "delights to sit in his shade and his fruit is sweet to my taste." Shulammite found rest and security in her shepherd-king because he loved her and pursued her. He sustained her and invited her to come near and experience his embrace. This shepherd-king is a wonderful picture of the One who says, "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matt 11:28). In this Shepherd-King we find eternal rest and security. Here we are sustained by both "living water" (John 7:37-38) and "the bread of life" (John 6:35). We (not He!) are the lily that He has rescued from the thorns of the curse (Song 2:2; Gen 3:17-19). We are beautiful in His eyes and loved with His particular affection. We are now cleansed 46and made pure as His virgin bride, waiting expectantly and patiently for the consummation, "a bride adorned for her husband" (Rev 21:2). This Bridegroom also is preparing a house for us (John 14:1-3), one far more magnificent than the one Solomon built for Shulammite (Song 1:17). Shulammite saw inklings of the God of Psalm 91:1-2 where the psalmist writes, "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'"

Like the most beautiful of women, we are the object of a Shepherd-King's love. And His love can only be described as "great love" (Eph 2:4). And does He put on public display a banner that declares His love? Indeed He does! It is called the cross of Golgotha, where this King declares for the whole world to see, "I love you!"

This bride found the fruit of her king "sweet to my taste." What a blessing it is to hear that the King of kings invites us to "taste and see that the Lord is good. How happy is the one who takes refuge in Him" (Ps 34:8). His house is like no other house. His fruit is like no other fruit. His love is like no other love. Come to Jesus and eat! Come to Jesus and drink! You will find His words to be true: "No one who comes to Me will ever be hungry, and no one who believes in Me will ever be thirsty again" (John 6:35).