7 Comforting Prayers for the Death of a Child
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My grandmother lost her eldest son when he was only eight years old. For his short yet light-filled life, he struggled with a congenital heart problem. When he died, my grandmother fell into depression, a darkness she continued to battle for years afterward. Yet every year after his death, as long as she was physically able to, my grandmother visited the grave on Good Friday to grieve and remember. Mixed in with her mourning was undoubtedly tears of gratitude for the time she was able to spend with her son. And those tears she shed were evidence of a mother’s love that never forgot.
Experiencing the death of someone we love is never easy. But the pain is intensified when it is a child that we bury, one we thought we would see grow and flourish. The one who should watch us get old and live far beyond our own years.
Watching loved ones die and children perishing long before their time are terrible effects of living in a fallen world. Yet we know that death is not the end of the story. For our Savior conquered death through His sacrificial death and resurrection. Because He lives, we have hope.
During the times when we lose a child, though, we need words to express our loss – a lament to the Lord that allows us to pour out our hearts while also turning our eyes back to Him. The practice of lamenting has been lost in our modern, western society but Scripture provides us with examples. The following prayers draw from the examples of Scripture and can be helpful in expressing our grief as we cling to the hope found in Jesus.
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1. A Prayer Expressing Grief and Anger
During times of sorrow, we may be tempted to hide our pain, thinking it does not have a place within the joyful life of a believer. We could also feel like this because of comments from others who may be well-meaning, but who say things that are insensitive to our loss.
Examples of laments in Scripture show us that we can be honest when praying about the death of a child. Sometimes, brutally honest. At other times, when reading the Psalms and Prophets, we may flinch at their words, but in grief, we discover that these passages are an opportunity from the Lord to be authentic and open.
For example, Jeremiah was honest about his sorrow after experiencing the siege and fall of Jerusalem. Consider the words of the weeping prophet: “He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead. He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains” (Lamentations 3:6-7). This is the same man who wrote the beloved verse, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail” (Lamentations 3:22). Both realities can exist together.
Or consider the words of Christ on the cross. He cried out in the ancient prayer of Psalm 22, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22:1). Our Lord trusted in the Father, yet He still cried out in pain because He had been forsaken. His words display His anguish at being cut off to bear the sins of all. It was the cup of suffering He had asked to be removed, but from which He drank willingly in obedience to the Father (Matthew 26:39).
We, too, can and should be honest to God in our prayers. He already knows how we feel and what we think, but He invites us to share these feelings with Him. To tell Him how the death of a child has brought us anguish and made us angry that death should exist at all. We go to Him as a beloved child who wants to know why – and He holds us even as we kick, scream, and demand answers. His embrace is a loving one.
And so, we pray:
Lord,
This hurts. This child whom I cared for, raised, and cherished as my own is gone. Why, O Lord? I pray for the end of all this evil, of sicknesses that wreak the body and violence that steals life. I should be holding my child, not burying him. But You know the pain of this Father, of seeing Your Son die. You know the pain I feel and the sorrow of separation. I give all to you now – my tears, questions, and anger – and lay it at Your feet. Do not be far away from me, O God.
Amen.
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2. A Prayer to Mourn the Years You Won’t Get to Share
A part of grief that no one ever warned me of is mourning things you will not get to do with a loved one – at least not until eternity. Though my mother died many years ago now, I still have reminders of events I will never get to share with her. Things like major milestones and daily rhythms.
Parents will also experience the grief of missed opportunities and unlived events with their son or daughter. These are the events that parents have long dreamed of experiencing – that first day of school, a recital, or high school graduation. Or of the daily events that will be missed, like going to the park and enjoying a meal together. These reminders will come with an ache for what could have been, and all the time they won’t have with a child.
We can take this grief and offer it to God in prayer.
Lord,
You are the God who see all things and who holds the future. So, You know that I will never get to see my child (go to school, graduate, get married), or to see their smile and hear their laughter again as I go throughout my day. Such sorrow is too much for me, Lord. I feel like David, for I too “flood my bed with weeping” (Psalm 6:6). So, I sit here now in Your presence to mourn what could have been and all the activities I will never get to do with my daughter. And I hold onto the truth that although I say “never,” that does not mean forever.
May this sorrow be redeemed, that, wonder of wonder, I will get to walk again with my child and experience the new creation with her. Until then, I entrust these lost opportunities and dreams to You.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
3. Praying for God’s Presence in the Shadow of Death
After the death of someone we love, including a child, we can feel alone in our grief. This is true in terms of human connection as well as our relationship with God. Our sorrow can make it seem as if He has abandoned us. As Job lamented, “I cry to you, O God, but you don’t answer. I stand before you, but you don’t even look” (Job 30:20).
Yet, Scripture tells us that the Lord is present even though we may not always feel like this is true. David acknowledged that the Lord, the Shepherd of his soul, would be with him in the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23:4). When we experience death, God promises to be with us. He is the One who walks beside us through the darkest times, guiding us when we feel uncertain.
After a child has died, we can pray to the Lord to help us know that He is with us since sorrow can leave us feeling as we have been cut off from all hope or help.
Good Shepherd,
This path is not one I freely choose. All I see is darkness since the loss of my child engulfed me in sorrow. I feel so alone. I am tempted to wonder if you even see or care. Help me to remember that You are here, somewhere, in this darkness and that You are leading me as a gentle and loving Lord. Remind me of Your goodness and kindness. I want to know that You are near though it is hard to believe at times. Be with me, just as I know You were with my son as You ushered him into eternity.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen.
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4. A Prayer at the Burial of a Son or Daughter
From ashes to ashes. We know the story, of God forming Adam from the dust of the ground (Genesis 2:7). Because of sin, he returned to the dust or ash from which he was created, as do all the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve (Genesis 3:19). Death entered the world and unless our Lord returns during our life, we will all face the grave.
None of this, though, makes it easier to bury a child. Scripture tells us that death is a reality, but that does not make it a “natural” part of life – for it was not part of the original design of creation (Romans 5:12). It only came after Adam and Eve sinned. This is why the Bible refers to death as an enemy that has been (and will be) defeated by Christ (1 Corinthians 15:26). One day our Lord will swallow up death forever, so that no one will ever die or suffer again (Isaiah 25:8; Revelation 21:4).
Until that day, we continue to live in a world where people die, including precious children. And so, we mourn at the burials of those we love while also remembering that because Jesus rose from the grave, so will we.
Lord,
Today I attend the funeral of my child and after that, she will be buried. I know her spirit has already departed and is with You, but to see her body placed into the ground is painful, Lord. It seems final, as if death has won. Your Word tells me this is not true, that You have defeated death. May I remember this as the coffin is lowered and we grieve the loss of my child. I long for the day when no more children or loved ones will be buried, and families are not left in the wake of loss. Let it be soon, Lord.
Amen.
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5. For Those Who Have Experienced a Miscarriage
Sometimes, parents do not even get the chance to meet their child before he or she passes. Those who have experienced a miscarriage know the sorrow of never being able to hold the tiny hand of their baby or watch them grow into active toddlers and kids. Miscarriages, too, are deaths to honor and mourn – for those unborn babies are still beloved sons and daughters.
The One who knew us as we were formed in the womb and before we were born also knows every precious baby who did not make it to birth (Jeremiah 1:5). Their lives are just as important as other children. As David prayed, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16).
The following prayer can be said individually by the parents, or spoken together as a couple:
O God,
You saw the child and know him or her more than I will ever get to, at least on this side of eternity. I mourn the loss of this beloved child though I never got to hold their hand or see their smile; the times we will not get to spend together, and the days of growth brought to a halt. I grieve this precious life lost. May You keep my baby in love until the day I finally get to meet my him or her.
Amen.
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6. A Prayer of Thanksgiving for the Time Spent Together
Memories of loved ones will always bring a sense of sadness. However, there is also much to be thankful for regarding the time spent with children and the joy they brought to us. Their lives were a great and bright gift – something for which we can praise God.
The presence of thanksgiving amid grief does not negate the sorrow. We find examples in Scripture of people praising the Lord amid pain and suffering (Psalm 42:5; 43:5; Lamentations 3:21-24). The prophet Habakkuk experienced hardship that left him with little to look forward to. Yet, even as he lamented, he worshiped: “yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (Habakkuk 3:17-19).
We can also express gratitude even as we grieve the loss of a beloved child; gratitude for the times we enjoyed, the laughs shared, and the memories created.
Father,
You are the Keeper of all my tears, recording them in your book (Psalm 56:8). Although my tears overflow right now, my heart also testifies to the gratitude of receiving the gift of time with my child. I am thankful, Lord, that I got to know her, and that I received the honor of being her parent. Thank you for the gift of her life. So much joy and love were bound up in that precious child, and my love for her now overflows in grief. And though the pain of loss hurts, I will still praise You.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
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7. Praying for Reminders of Hope during Grief
Even as believers grieve, we know that we have hope. As the Apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Thessalonian church, “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14). Christians are people of hope.
Of course, this does not mean we do not grieve and that we should always be cheerful, denying our sorrow. Paul did not say we should not grieve. Rather, we are not meant to grieve like those who have no hope. Because Christ died and rose again, we have the promise that we will also rise, along with our believing loved ones. The body of the child we buried will not stay in the grave forever. At Jesus’ return, that child will rise first along with the other believers who have died (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17). Such truth is meant to encourage and comfort us in our grief (1 Thessalonians 4:18).
Sometimes we need reminders of this hope, especially when loss leaves us stranded in the darkness of this fallen world. Our Lord is there to stand with us and remind us, often repeatedly, of the significance of His death and resurrection. He tells us the better, true story – that death is not the end.
Dear God,
Overwhelmed by this loss, Lord, it is hard for me to envision anything but sorrow in my life. I struggle to imagine the future you have promised, of death reversed and my child alive again. But You say this is true and that one day he will rise, as will I. We will walk on a new earth where death and sin no longer exist, and all my tears will be wiped away. Remind me again of this hope and keep telling me the truth, especially when the darkness surrounds me. Help me to remember that You defeated death through the cross and empty tomb. Jesus, I look to You, for You are my hope.
Amen.
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