7 Ways to Ease Loneliness and Cultivate Christian Friendships
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As we collectively and individually emerge from the hole the pandemic created for so many, and as we realize the deep impact of anxiety, depression and other forms of mental illness, one thing is increasingly clear: Loneliness is not good for people.
My local library offers classes and lectures on a variety things, all free. My local paint shop offers low-cost adult art classes. If I get myself involved with things I’m interested in or want to learn about, I’m bringing myself near other like-minded people and just might make a friend. And simultaneously, I’m having fun doing something I already like or want to know more about.
During the pandemic, my husband bought and fixed up an old Jeep, and then he joined a local Facebook group made up of other Jeep lovers in the area. It turns out they have Tuesday dinners every month, and occasional Saturday “Jeep and coffee” gatherings, where everyone goes, looks at each other’s vehicles, and talks shop about the thing he’s newly passionate about. Now he has a whole new set of people to be around, and they’ve gone from a loose community to actual friends.
My friendships are never going to look like what I see on TV, because that’s fiction. My friendships are also not going to look like what I see on social media, because those are other people’s friendships, or perhaps they’re a fictional portrayal of what someone else’s friendship looks like.
My friendships are going to look unique, not like what everybody else has. I need to stop expecting things will look a certain way and instead just accept things as they are.
Maybe my friends and I don’t dress up and take selfies by the beach, or kick up our heels at a spa, but we have a good time, and I care about them. That’s what matters, not whether they fit into my preconceived expectations about what friendships “should” look like.
I’m a woman in my 40s, but why do my friends have to be other women in their 40s? Why can’t it be my 23-year-old neighbor or my 71-year-old fellow Bible study member? In my early 30s, one of my closest friends was a man 30 years my senior, and we enjoyed weekly coffee excursions where we’d talk about the meaning of life and solve the world’s problems, as we liked to say. He’s still one of my closest friends to this day.
I’ve found some of my most rewarding friendships are with people who don’t necessarily look or even think like me, yet we have something in common, or something to learn from each other.
I used to get disheartened when I’d hear about a group of women my age – women I knew – who had dinner together, but I wasn’t invited. It wasn’t that they’d intentionally excluded me, but I wondered: Why does no one invite me? Why don’t I ever get to do to these dinners? One day I decided if I wanted to go to dinner with friends, I needed to stop waiting around to be invited and just be the initiator. So I picked a date and invited a dozen ladies to join me. Four or five showed up, and we had a blast. From that, we started “everyone’s welcome ladies’ nights,” where we’d all get together once a month for dinner and chitchat. Everyone was welcome, and a lot of times, not everyone knew each other. But after the dinner, they did. Sometimes it would be 15 women, and sometimes just three, but it was good to get together, and everyone always seemed to have fun.
These are just some ways to help alleviate loneliness and cultivate community. I hope one or more resonate with you and help you in your efforts to develop friendships with other Christian believers in an increasingly isolated age.
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