One block there …another block there …oh! Come on! That block wasn’t supposed to fall there yet! That’s OK, recover …bam! I just eliminated five rows at once. The Tetris champ reigns victorious again!

My inner monologue during geometry class sophomore year in high school perfectly epitomizes my joy for all math. Instead of focusing on angles, I enjoyed the Tetris game that one of the genius students in my class programmed onto my high-tech calculator, alongside formulas which helped me get a B in geometry.

I just don’t like math. We can be straight-A students, gifted with intellect beyond our years, but if we don’t like what we’re learning, it’s hard to reason why it’s necessary to cram into our brains.

Fast forward twenty-seven years, and my life is suddenly consumed by math. After a lifetime of picking careers and chasing interests, programs and calculators to help me avoid it, I now take my daughter’s life into my hands every day as I strive to get the math right.

She’s been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, and everything in life is now math. Before she eats, every carb must be counted and stuck into an equation that takes into account what her current sugar number is compared to where her blood sugar should actually be, all to figure the units of insulin she needs for each gram of carbs she’s about to eat. There is a long-lasting insulin dose given daily, and free carb snacks that we don’t have to count.

When we were in the hospital, it was easy to look at the menu and count how many carbs were in each thing she ate. When we came home, everything was different. Everything was harder. Not everything we like to eat comes with a label telling us how many carbs are in everything. And when it does, it requires measuring or weighing the serving size. Thankfully, fancy calculator formulas have transformed into apps which do most of the calculating for me – but the math required throughout the day is still enough to warrant math naps. Yep, I take math naps. It makes my head hurt. I can write zillions of words with joy, but numbers give me migraines.

I did not work at all my heart on math as if I was working for the Lord, and it shows. Thankfully, God is God and full of grace and compassion. Little did I know the man He chose for me would be a math genius, for such as time as this. God goes before us in ways that we cannot ever anticipate, preparing our hearts from all angles to survive what the fallen world will throw at us.

Motherhood is something I can wholeheartedly say I have worked with all my heart at as if working for the Lord. He has changed me from the inside out through motherhood, and made space for grace where He knew I would fall short. Not just in math, but in so many other areas I stumble over and trip up at daily. Paul wrote to the Philippians:

Whatever God wills, will be. He knew what He was preparing me for all along, and He knew I would continue to seek Him and follow Christ, through whatever. This is the endgame – so seek Jesus through whatever.

Seek whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and all the things Paul listed. Scripture doesn’t tell us, nor does God expect us, to master any of this! His concern is that we have the heart to pursue whatever God tells us to with all of our hearts, and leave the rest up to Him. No matter how hard we work for the Lord, even with all of our hearts, we will get it wrong a lot! But it is the “with all of our hearts” part which matters most to God.

Colossians 3:23 is my daughter’s life verse: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” Her diagnosis with T1D was hard. It was a scary day. But that morning, before we were rushing to the ER, she saw a bald eagle fly by through the back glass door in our kitchen. Before we knew, He knew. He threw the anchor out for her that day, and she has stood solidly with Him throughout. Some days, working with all her heart means crying out to the Lord. Others, it’s learning how to react fast to highs and lows. A lot of the work was in surviving it all at first. But she began to weave purpose into all of her pain quickly, asking her school principal how they could recognize diabetes awareness month, and turning to encourage others who were going through what she is on social media.

The will of God will come to pass. This isn’t what my girl pictured her life would be like, but who Jesus is to her has not changed a bit. He has surrounded her with friends, family, community and a church family – more than she or I could have ever asked for or imagined.

God’s will is unstoppable. The adventure of our lives is following Christ in pursuit of Him, discovering purpose and growing closer to Him along the way.  “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Well-meaning people told us we would grow stronger because of my daughter’s diagnosis. We are faithful Christ followers, but it will take time to look back on those strengthening moments with Hallelujahs and thank you Jesus’. We are thankful, but right now we are just pulling up the anchor of faith which kept us from downward spiraling when the life we knew was ripped out from under us.

Whatever God wills, will be.

We’ll never understand all of the “why did this happen to me” questions. But we don’t have to. All we need to know is how to throw out the Anchor when the storms rage, and lean into the One who gave it all to save us, and will never leave us.

Will we ever be thankful my daughter has diabetes? Never. If I could take it away from her, I would. It will be challenging for her entire life. It won’t always be as hard as it is in the beginning, and not nearly as hard as it’s been in the past thanks to modern medical technology and discoveries, but it will be hard. And through it all, we will seek “whatever.” Whatever God says. Whatever points us to Jesus. Whatever direction He nudges to go. We are all in with diabetes because we have be to survive. We are all in with God because we trust He has more in store for us than we could ever ask for or imagine.

Glory to God in the highest.