How Can a Christian Respond to People Who Say They Are Spiritual But Not Religious?
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“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:25).
Goodness, we have all heard it, haven’t we? We hear it often enough to be able to say it together, “I am spiritual but not religious.” The expression has become so common, that quite recently I saw the term shortened to an acronym – SBNR.
In the ‘50s and ‘60s, traditional, more formalized religions were not only common but almost expected. For each it was somewhat of a “one-size fits all” package, and one’s faith seemed to almost be hereditary, handed down from one generation to the next. The family packed into the car on Sunday mornings, dressed in their “Sunday best” and all went to church, where they joined the rest of their congregation to listen to the weekly sermon. But for many, that is no longer the case.
What Does It Look Like to Be Spiritual but Not Religious?
The term “spiritual but not religious” indeed seems to have gained a great deal of popularity in recent years. In fact, it seems to have come almost as a rebellion against organized religions of any kind. SBNR is often self-applied by people who have beliefs that simply don’t align with traditional religious practices.
Many of those who identify as “SBNR” are simply taking a personal stand against organized religion, yet still have a sense of a greater power somewhere; they simply seek some kind of spiritual personal growth. In short, something larger than themselves. For them, being “spiritual” means engaging in meditation, or “prayer,” or other behaviors that they hope will further personal inner growth and awareness, often placing an emphasis on “mind, body, spirit.”
There are certainly those for whom SBNR is simply an easy phraseology to describe their attempts to find a balance between the dogma of traditional, formalized religion and their attempts to embrace…something. But they choose being “spiritual” over institutionalized religion.
What we hear, too, is that SBNR folk tend to lean toward the Eastern-type religious beliefs – “we are all part of the greater universe” – while adopting, not Christianity, but the humanistic teachings of Jesus.
But what is SBNR? It does seem like many of us have some idea of what the term means, but, do we? There are quite likely more questions than answers, as the term is rather vague and its practitioners have differing opinions themselves.
How Is the Church Impacted?
“These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me” (Matthew 15:8).
That the “exodus” from the traditional religions began in the ‘60s and into the ‘70s is no coincidence. It was a period when youth were urged to question authority and everything that had been valued up to that point.
The rules, the rites and the rituals of formalized religion did not sit well with an up-and-coming generation. To be more specific, the man-created dogma of the traditional denominations seemed to rub a more “free-thinking” generation the wrong way.
People began to move toward what was viewed as a bit rebellious – the “Jesus Movement” – characterized by its countercultural appeal and emphasis on personal faith in Jesus Christ. And yet, estimates range from 30,000 to as many as 3 million came to Jesus – emphasizing a personal relationship, informal worship, and a return to Biblical teachings.
Father James Martin, a Jesuit priest, wrote in “The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything” that, “conflicts with various church teachings – on women, on sexuality, on LQBTQ people and so on – mean that some people don’t agree with their religious community, so they decide to opt out.” Martin adds that the “scandals like the sex abuse scandals and financial scandals in many churches – including my (his) own – turn people off to organized religion.”
A great many people, unfortunately, see “religion” as cold, ritualistic and without passion. Dead – at least to them. It is not difficult to recognize why our society has and is becoming increasingly secularized. Martin states, “Many have not grown up in any faith tradition, so have no connection to religion at all. They’ve never ‘fallen away.’ Rather, they were never introduced to it.”
The great majority of SBNRs would say, while they believe in a higher power, they cannot believe in the God of the Bible. The commonplace viewpoint is that fundamental religion causes conflict, division and intolerance. There is no confidence that formalized religion actually teaches people to live the right way and do the right thing – and that is what they seek.
Today’s newer generations have viewed the prescribed religions as formal, unaccepting and hypocritical. People are now leaving church to find their own way or not considering church at all in their spiritual journey.
Thus, the question remains: what should we be doing? What conversations should we be having with people who are “spiritual” and believe in a higher power, but who cannot accept the dogma?
Maybe, there is before us an opportunity to open the eyes of their hearts to the truth of the gospel message. To who Jesus really is – and what it means to believe in Him.
“Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field’” (Matthew 9:37).
Are Christians Spiritual but Not Religious?
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24-25).
What we need to know is how the Christian community – His Church – ought to teach people the realities of what we believe. To teach people the “Jesus Movement” and what that means for their “spirituality.”
And yet, is it Biblical to entirely individualize our faith and worship, leaving the Church out of it? Taking that a bit further, are Christians “spiritual but not religious?” After all, Christianity is a relationship, not a religion, right? Well, yes, and no.
Yes, in one very powerful sense. We are not only “spiritual” but “Spirit-filled.” The moment we give our lives to Christ Jesus is the moment we are filled with His Holy Spirit – to lead us and to “guide us along the right paths for His name’s sake” (Psalm 23:3). And yet, that does not mean that we are free to live in any way we choose. We must not lose sight of the role the Church has in the lives of any who calls themselves Christian.
A while back, I heard someone say that spirituality and religion are like driving a car – one drives the other and not vice-versa. It is not the role of religion to do the driving; religious practice in and of itself can be quite lacking in spirituality. Yet when our religion is driven by spirituality – letting our faith and the Holy Spirit lead us – therein lies the secret to winning the race.
The Church ought to play a significant role in the life of a believer for growth and encouragement – what the Bible calls sanctification. Church is not and should not be an afterthought. After all, we are the bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:25-27). This is why the author of the book of Hebrews left us with the command to spur one another on, and not to give up meeting together – but encouraging one another, especially as we see “the Day” approaching. The Day of Christ’s return.
Any church that follows these commands – who lets their vehicle be driven by spirituality and not religious practices – will be alive and bursting with love for Christ and for people. They could never be accused of being passionless and dead.
So yes, Christians are spiritual people first, but they are also religious in that they are deeply reliant on each other. And no, salvation is not “freedom from religion.” Instead, salvation completely transforms our entire understanding of what “religion” was meant to be from the beginning.
So, it makes sense that when we are able to express this common ground, then we begin to open the doors for SBNRs to find precisely what they seek – even if they may not know it quite yet.
Finding Common Ground
“I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some” (1 Corinthians 9:22).
Let’s start by remembering that there may be many reasons a person will claim the SBNR tag. They might be simply exploring their sense of deeper meaning; or merely casual in their Christian faith and not deeply rooted. Calling themselves “spiritual but not religious” would seem to affirm desires to consider their eternal lives and living to do good – while freeing themselves from potential division in faith and worship.
On the other hand, there are many who have deeper, vital theological questions that they have not found adequate answers to. Others seek a “spiritual home” and don’t know where to turn.
Remember – it is not our role to convince them of anything. It is ours to plant seeds then let the Lord water and develop them. So, that should be our goal in the conversation: planting seeds. Thus, maybe a good starting point is finding where we can agree.
Self-Righteousness
SBNRs absolutely reject the self-righteousness of religious acts as a means of spiritual salvation. So does Christianity. So did Jesus, who held His most harsh criticism for the religious leaders of the day – specifically, the Pharisees. Timothy Keller, in his book “The Reason for God,” explained how Pharisee-like reliance on doctrinal righteousness will result in anger and hate toward those who don’t share their beliefs, resulting in churches filled with angry, moralistic people.
Personal Decision
Spirituality is a very personal journey. True salvation is very much a personal decision and private matter. Each of us must decide for ourselves to accept or reject God’s gift of grace, mercy and forgiveness. It is a quite special decision between us and the Lord. Of course, Jesus’ words in John 3:16 did not say “whoever attends church and follows all the rules of that church will be saved.” It says, “whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Quite personal.
Find Places to Agree
Don’t argue against their points, even if you believe their points are wrong. Instead, let them know where we are in agreement. “We are created for good.” “Sometimes there are mysteries difficult to solve.” “Boy, I can relate to that.” “Oh yes, I have had those same questions.” Acknowledge that sometimes “doing church” can be messy, because we humans are messy. But help them to know that Christians can approach life with a sense of awe and wonder. Encourage them to explore the truth on their own.
This is not “us vs them.” Let’s keep first things first – the gospel message of what it means to accept Christ Jesus into your heart. That isn’t accomplished through being confrontational or accusatory or argumentative. Control yourself and ask the Lord to put a guard over your mouth. Have you ever known anyone who had their hearts opened to the Lord through someone being aggressive or belligerent? Yeah, me neither.
The wisest man in history taught:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger”
Got It. Now What?
“God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth” (John 4:24).
1. Pray for Them
You may only have a few moments or a few seconds, but lift up your conversation to God to ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words.
2. Love Them (Ephesians 5:25-27)
Let them know you care. After all, you might be the first Christian they’ve met who truly exemplifies the love of Christ. Yes, it’s sad, but true.
Let them know what Church is supposed to be – a gathering of believers who are there to help each other, support and encourage one another. But also, that their personal decision, personal spirituality with Christ, must come first – and that determines how we are “religious.”
3. Listen (1 Corinthians 9:20-22)
Remember the old expression “two ears, one mouth”? They’ll know if you are sincerely listening or simply waiting for your turn to speak. Seek first to understand their beliefs and experiences.
Listen to them. Hear them out. Listen to their issues; try to hear their hearts. Remember Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 9:20-22.
4. Ask Questions That Lead Them to Think (1 Peter 3:15)
Do you believe in eternal life?
Where do you think you’ll spend eternity?
What do you think “sin” is?
So…who do you think Jesus was?
Why do you think He came to die for us?
Did you know…?
Or come up with a list of your own to keep in your “go-to” personal file. And then be prepared to give an answer.
5. Highlight Your Personal Relationships with Christ and with Others (Psalm 63:1, Isaiah 26:3, John 17)
SBNRs may not understand the true nature of Christianity – a personal relationship with God through Christ. Ultimately, that is above all things. We are to be one with Him as He is one with the Father.
6. The Two “Rules” of Jesus (Mark 12:30-31, Matthew 22:37)
At some point, ask them if they know the only two “rules” Jesus left us. To love God and to love our neighbors. Simple, but not easy, right?
7. Your Personal Testimony
“You know, in coming to Christ, I came to realize the historical evidence for Jesus leaves us with a couple of choices. Either he was a lunatic of the first order, or He was precisely who He claimed to be – the Son of God come to offer us His love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Salvation. Each of us must decide whether to accept that gift or reject it. I realized there is no middle ground and accepted the gift, and my life has never been the same.”
Sharing your testimony may be the most powerful way to connect with someone.
“’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Thomas Barwick
Greg doesn’t pretend to be a pastor, a theologian, or a Bible expert, but offers the perspective of an everyday guy on the same journey as everyone else – in pursuit of truth.
Greg can be reached by email or on Facebook @ Greg Grandchamp - Author.