Introduction

p. 2 To remind myself: David Brooks, The Second Mountain (New York: Random House, 2019), xx.

p. 4 I must become the unique person: Adrian van Kaam, On Being Yourself (Denville, NJ: Dimension Books, 1972), 8.

Chapter 1: You Have a Soul

p. 12 There was this primitive core: Parker Palmer, “The Soul in Depression,” February 4, 2021, in On Being, produced by Krista Tippett, podcast, https://onbeing.org/programs/the-soul-in-depression/.

p. 13 The twentieth century has been called: Adam Curtis, dir., The Century of the Self (London: BBC and RDF Media, 2002).

p. 13 A few years ago: John Ortberg, Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2014), chap. 2, Kindle loc. 207.

p. 13 James Hillman, renowned psychologist: James Hillman and Michael Ventura, We’ve Had a Hundred Years of Psychotherapy—And the World’s Getting Worse (San Francisco: HarperOne, 1993).

p. 15 Your soul weighs nothing: John Ortberg, You Have a Soul (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2014), front cover.

p. 15 I had given up on life: Taylor Momsen, “Taylor Momsen on Music, Mental Health and Child Stardom,” People Magazine, March 1, 2021, www.scribd.com/article/495218010/Taylor-Momsen-On-Music-Mental-Health-Child-Stardom.

p. 16 Your embodied soul “is the ‘you’”: Ruth Haley Barton, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2008), 13.

p. 17 We shall search the Old and New: Karl Barth, Thomas F. Torrance, and Geoffrey William Bromiley, Church Dogmatics (Edinburgh: T&T Clark, 1956), III/2, 433.

p. 17 The soul is the “whole person”: Ray Anderson, On Being Human (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1982), 210.

p. 22 The soul’s infinite capacity to desire: Ortberg, You Have a Soul, 9.

p. 24 All that I needed: Thomas O. Chisholm, “Great Is Thy Faithfulness,” The United Methodist Hymnal (Nashville, TN: United Methodist Publishing House, 1989), hymn no. 140.

p. 24 My sin—oh, the bliss: Horatio Spafford, “It Is Well with My Soul,” verse 3, 1873, www.spaffordhymn.com.

p. 26 The church Fathers often spoke: Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline (San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1978), 27.

Chapter 2: You Have a Sacred Body

p. 33 Prison for the soul: D. N. Sedley, Plato’s Cratylus (Cambridge, NY: Cambridge University Press, 2003), 400c.

p. 35 The body is the instrument: Saint John Chrysostom, Homilies on Genesis, trans. Robert C. Hill, The Fathers of the Church 74 (Washington, DC: Catholic University of America Press, 1986), 14.5.

p. 35 The body is not an accidental feature: Jennifer M. Rosner, “Dishonorable Discharge: Our Soul and the World of Ritual Impurity,” Christianity Today, May/June 2021.

p. 35 Your mind can do more: Annie Grace, This Naked Mind (New York: Random House, 2018), 43.

p. 39 The Hebrew word tov: Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer, A Church Called Tov (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2020).

p. 40 God took on a body: Jean-Claude Larchet, Theology of the Body (Yonkers, NY: St. Vladimir’s Seminary Press, 2016), 43.

p. 42 While natural food is changed: Saint Nicholas Cabasilas, The Life in Christ (Crestwood, NY: St. Vladimir’s Seminary Press, 1974), 4.8.

p. 42 John Calvin famously noted: John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion (Philadelphia: The Westminster Press, 1960), 4.17.32.

p. 43 The body along with the soul: Larchet, Theology of the Body, 94.

p. 43 Glorification: Larchet, Theology of the Body, 95.

p. 44 For as God created the sky: Pseudo-Macarius, Macarius, and Arthur J. Mason, Fifty Spiritual Homilies of St. Macarius the Egyptian (London: Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge, 1921).

p. 45 Joel Clarkson: Charlie Peacock, “Ordinary Life Is Crammed with Heaven,” Christianity Today, February 16, 2021, www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2021/march/sensing-god-joel-clarkson-ordinary-life-crammed-heaven.html.

p. 46 God is loving you in these moments: James Bryan Smith, The Magnificent Story: Uncovering a Gospel of Beauty, Goodness, and Truth (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2017), 14.

p. 47 God made me fast: Hugh Hudson, dir., Chariots of Fire (London: Enigma Productions, 1981).

p. 47 Physical activity influences: Kelly McGonigal, The Joy of Movement (New York: Random House, 2019), 4-5.

p. 48 Hope molecules: McGonigal, Joy of Movement, 5.

p. 48 Green exercise: McGonigal, Joy of Movement, 255.

p. 48 Prayer walking: Adele Calhoun, Spiritual Disciplines Handbook (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2005), 254.

Chapter 3: You Are Desired

p. 52 Dawn’s story: Betsy McPeak, personal correspondence with author.

p. 52 You are an accidentally united little lump: Leo Tolstoy, A Confession: The Gospel in Brief, and What I Believe, trans. Aylmer Maude (London: Oxford University Press, 1958), 31.

p. 52 The universe: Richard Dawkins, River Out of Eden (New York: Basic Books, 1996), 133.

p. 52 Your “soul” is make-believe: Marshall Brain, Marshall Brain’s How Stuff Works (Wiley Publishers, 2001).

p. 53 There has been no advance: Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy (New York: HarperCollins, 1997), 8.

p. 53 Thou madest man: Alfred Lord Tennyson, “Prologue,” In Memorium, stanza 2. This poem is in the public domain.

p. 54 A collection of atoms: Andrew Crumey, “All and Nothing,” The Wall Street Journal, March 13, 2021.

p. 55 Divine Forming Mystery: Adrian van Kaam, quoted in James C. Wilhoit, “Only God’s Love Counts: Van Kaam’s Formation Theology,” Journal of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care 1, no. 2 (2008).

p. 57 A good poem: Marilyn Singer, “What Makes a Good Poem,” Marilyn Singer official website, 2002, https://marilynsinger.net/what-makes-a-good-poem.

p. 57 You are a divinely designed: Dallas Willard, “Your Place in This World,” Free Republic, May 10, 2005, https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/1400713/posts.

p. 58 The Christmas hymn “O Holy Night”: Adolphe Adam and Placide Cappeau, “O Holy Night,” 1847.

p. 59 Van Gogh’s painting: Kirstin Fawcett, “6 Valuable Works of Art Discovered in People’s Attics and Garages,” Mental Floss, September 8, 2017, www.mentalfloss.com/article/504146/6-valuable-works-art-discovered-peoples-attics-and-garages.

p. 60 To be hidden in Christ: Adrian van Kaam, On Being Yourself (Denville, NJ: Dimension Books, 1972), 176-77.

p. 60 Rejecting our unique selves: Adrian van Kaam, In Search of Spiritual Identity (Denville, NJ: Dimension Books, 1975), 140.

p. 61 An invaluable, irreplaceable seed: Mark Nepo, The Endless Practice: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be (New York: Atria Paperback, 2015), xviii.

p. 62 O God, help me to believe: Macrina Weiderkehr, A Tree Full of Angels (New York: HarperCollins, 1988).

p. 63 Whisper to me again: Adrian van Kaam, Becoming Spiritually Mature (Pittsburgh: Epiphany Association, 2007), 52.

Chapter 4: You Are Loved

p. 67 Two questions haunt every human life: Andy Crouch, Strong and Weak: Embracing a Life of Love, Risk, and True Flourishing (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2016), 9.

p. 69 sinners in the hands of an angry God: The phrase “sinners in the hands of an angry God” is a reference to the title of the famous sermon by Jonathan Edwards.

p. 71 Why do Christians hate: Philip Yancey, What’s So Amazing About Grace? (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2002).

p. 72 Jesus didn’t die: Brian Zahnd, Sinners in the Hands of a Loving God (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook, 2017), 85.

p. 72 Under the tyranny: Susan Annette Muto and Adrian van Kaam, Tell Me Who I Am (Denville, NJ: Dimension Books, 1977), 39.

p. 73 When I first heard: This poem by Teresa of Ávila, “He Desired Me So I Came Close,” is a “rendering” by Daniel Ladinsky, from his book Love Poems from God (New York: Penguin Compass, 2002), 274, used by permission. Ladinsky has taken some liberties in his translations of Teresa’s poem. Many of her poems were written (originally in Spanish) in her times of prayer, as dialogues between her and God. This version of the poem is not a word-for-word translation of one of Teresa’s actual poems, but I found his version to speak directly to my soul with a powerful word about God’s unquenchable love for us.

p. 74 If we think of God: Peter van Breeman, As Bread That Is Broken (Denville, NJ: Dimension Books, 1974), 14.

p. 75 We love because: Henri J. M. Nouwen, “Who Are We?” Audible lecture, Now You Know Media, Inc., 2017, www.audible.com/pd/Who-Are-We-Henri-Nouwen-on-Our-Christian-Identity-Audiobook/B074VGVX3S.

p. 76 And we are put on earth: William Blake, “The Little Black Boy.”

p. 76 Because of His measureless love: Irenaeus, Against Heresies, 5.

p. 76 Jesus needed: Thomas Smail, The Forgotten Father (London: Hodder and Stoughton, 1980), 68.

p. 77 In stark contrast to ourselves: Trevor Hudson, Discovering Our Spiritual Identity: Practices for God’s Beloved (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2011), 26.

p. 77 Turn stones into bread: Henri J. M. Nouwen, Here and Now (New York: Crossroad, 2016), 99-100.

p. 78 The beauty of the world: Simone Weil, Waiting for God (New York: Routledge, 2010), 60.

p. 79 When we wake up: Søren Kierkegaard, quoted in James Bryan Smith and Richard J. Foster, Devotional Classics (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1994), 107. Originally published in Søren Kierkegaard, The Prayers of Kierkegaard, ed. Perry LeFevre (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1956).

p. 79 In this face: Hans Urs von Balthasar, Love Alone Is Credible (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1963), 76.

Chapter 5: You Are Made for God

p. 87 The essential starting point: Quoted in Greg Wolfe, “Transfiguration,” Image 27, 3-4.

p. 87 Show and podcast called Super Soul Sunday: Oprah Winfrey, Super Soul Sunday, www.oprah.com/app/super-soul-sunday.html.

p. 89 Many people, lacking spirit: Carl Jung, from his seminar on Nietzsche’s Zarathustra, 1934–1939, https://drive.google.com/open?id=1L9mcYPdlAko1EafCOGUTbg-zW8ewXgVG.

p. 89 Surfing for God: Michael J. Cusick, Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2012).

p. 91 Love loves unto purity: George MacDonald, “The Consuming Fire,” sermon from Unspoken Sermons, First Series (Eureka, CA: Sunrise Books Publishers, 1988), 27.

p. 92 Gifted disrupter: Rebecca Letterman and Susan Muto, Understanding Our Story (Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock, 2017), 209.

p. 93 Thou hast made us for thyself: Saint Augustine, Confessions (New York: Penguin Classics, 2008), 1, 1.5.

p. 93 This craving: Blaise Pascal, Pensées (New York: Penguin Books, 1966), 75.

p. 93 “Spiritual” is not just something: Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy (San Francisco: HarperOne, 1997), 79.

p. 98 Web of everydayness: Adrian van Kaam, Fundamental Formation (New York: Crossroad, 1983), 153.

p. 98 To see a world in a grain of sand: William Blake, “Auguries of Innocence,” lines 1-2.

p. 99 Awe-filled attentive abiding: Adrian van Kaam, The Power of Appreciation (Pittsburgh: Epiphany Association, 2004), 10.

p. 99 living with “appreciative abandonment”: Adrian van Kaam, The Power of Appreciation (Pittsburgh: Epiphany Association, 1993), 1.

p. 100 Many people reach only incidentally: Van Kaam, Fundamental Formation, 155-56.

p. 100 May you come to accept: John O’Donohue, “For Longing,” in To Bless the Space Between Us (New York: Doubleday, 2008), 35-36.

p. 101 The first fruit of love: Thomas Watson, All Things for Good (1663; Carlisle, PA: The Banner of Truth Trust, 1986), 74.

p. 103 An ordered way of acting: Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline (San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1978), 166.

p. 103 Prepare for Sunday worship: Foster, Celebration, 171.

Chapter 6: You Are Forgiven

p. 107 Bob George radio ministry: Bob George Ministries, https://bobgeorge.net/.

p. 115 Wonderous exchange: John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion (Philadelphia: The Westminster Press, 1960), 4.17.2. This phrase, “wondrous exchange,” is also in The Epistle to Diognetus 9, who was one of the Apostolic Fathers in the second century. So the term has a long history.

p. 115 Endured it with joy: Thomas F. Torrance, Atonement: The Person and Work of Christ (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2009), 152, italics added.

p. 115 While he [Luther] was describing the change: John Wesley, The Works of John Wesley, vol. 18, Journals and Diaries (Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 1988) entry from May 24, 1738, italics added.

p. 117 We can stop focusing on sin: Bob George, Classic Christianity (Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 1989), 58.

p. 117 My sin—oh, the bliss: Horatio Spafford, “It Is Well with My Soul,” verse 3, 1873, www.spaffordhymn.com.

p. 118 Classic novel Pilgrim’s Progress: John Bunyan, Pilgrim’s Progress (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2003), sec. 3.

Chapter 7: You Have Been Made Alive

p. 124 as Dallas Willard taught: Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy (New York: HarperCollins, 1998), 41.

p. 128 Those who restore art: Christopher Jobson, “The Meticulous 10-Month Restoration of a 355-Year-Old Painting at the Metropolitan Museum of Art,” Colossal, June 30, 2015, www.thisiscolossal.com/2015/06/brun-painting-restoration-met/.

p. 131 When we come to understand: Leanne Payne, Restoring the Christian Soul: Overcoming Barriers to Completion in Christ Through Healing Prayer (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2001), xiii.

p. 131 The characteristic of the new birth: Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (Grand Rapids, MI: Discovery House, 2018), December 25 entry.

p. 131 I would rather laugh: Billy Joel, “Only the Good Die Young,” The Stranger (Columbia Records, 1977), track 6.

p. 132 The One who came: Dallas Willard, Spirit of the Disciplines (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1988), 79.

p. 132 The greatest sin: “New Bishop Willimon Displays Puckish Style: Hauerwas: ‘It’s a Sign We’re Not Dead Yet,’” Christian Century, August 24, 2001, www.christiancentury.org/article/2004-08/new-bishop-willimon-displays-puckish-style.

p. 136 Like the play of sunlight: Mike Mason, Champagne for the Soul: Rediscovering God’s Gift of Joy (Vancouver: Regent College Publishers, 2007), 69.

p. 137 Just So Stories: Rudyard Kipling, Just So Stories for Little Children (Leipzig: Tauchnitz, 1902).

p. 137 The manna of joy: Mason, Champagne for the Soul, 69.

Chapter 8: You Have Been Made Holy

p. 142 When I was in seminary: Søren Kierkegaard, Purity of Heart Is to Will One Thing (Merchant Books, 2013).

p. 144 Paul’s Corinthian correspondence: Don J. Payne, Already Sanctified (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2020), 57.

p. 146 Accomplished holiness: Payne, Already Sanctified, 70.

p. 146 The Christian is not just called: Douglas J. Moo, Epistle to the Romans (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2015), 403. Also quoted in Payne, Already Sanctified, 130.

p. 150 The imperative is not only: Fleming Rutledge, Crucifixion: Understanding the Death of Jesus Christ (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2017), 558. Also quoted in Payne, Already Sanctified, 62.

p. 151 To live in contradiction: Payne, Already Sanctified, 129.

p. 152 Original source of paranoid fears: Adrian van Kaam, Formative Spirituality, vol. 6, Transcendent Formation (New York: Crossroad, 1995), 249.

p. 152 The grace of God always kills: Ray Sherman Anderson, The Soul of Ministry: Forming Leaders for God’s People (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 1997), 47. Also Payne, Already Sanctified, 126.

p. 152 The grace of rescue: Rebecca Letterman and Susan Muto, Understanding Our Story: The Life’s Work and Legacy of Adrian van Kaam in the Field of Formative Spirituality (Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock, 2017), 47.

p. 152 Attaining a sense of self-worth: Susan Annette Muto and Adrian van Kaam, Tell Me Who I Am (Denville, NJ: Dimension Books, 1977), 35.

p. 153 Grace is not opposed to effort: Dallas Willard, The Great Omission: Reclaiming Jesus’s Essential Teachings on Discipleship (New York: HarperOne, 2007), 61.

p. 153 Love loves unto purity: George MacDonald, “The Consuming Fire,” sermon from Unspoken Sermons, First Series (Eureka, CA: Sunrise Books Publishers, 1988), 27.

p. 155 Here and now is where we must listen: Adrian van Kaam, “Say Yes Always,” no. 4, Becoming Spiritually Mature, Epiphany Video Series (Pittsburgh: Epiphany Association, 2007).

Chapter 9: You Have a Sacred Story

p. 161 Each of us is conceived: Rebecca Letterman and Susan Muto, Understanding Our Story: The Life’s Work and Legacy of Adrian van Kaam in the Field of Formative Spirituality (Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock, 2017), 27.

p. 162 Circle of origin: Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2002), 180.

p. 162 Sociohistorical dimension: This is a term used by Fr. Adrian van Kaam. It is explained in the book and video series Becoming Spiritually Mature (Pittsburgh: Epiphany Association, 2007).

p. 162 It plays a markedly formative role: Letterman and Muto, Understanding Our Story, 26.

p. 162 They who passed away long ago: Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet (New York: Vintage Books, 1984), 86.

p. 163 Our circle of origin: Willard, Renovation of the Heart, 36.

p. 163 Someone is for us: Willard, Renovation of the Heart, 179.

p. 163 When you are dejected: John of Kronstadt is credited with this quote, but the source is unknown.

p. 163 We assault others: Willard, Renovation of the Heart, 182.

p. 166 A British documentary: Michael Apted, dir., 56 Up (London: ITV Studios, 2012).

p. 166 We are the beneficiaries: David Brooks, from a talk he gave at the Leadership Conference held by the Murdock Trust, Dec. 3, 2020.

p. 167 It is a lifelong task: Adrian van Kaam, Fundamental Formation (New York: Crossroad, 1983), 94-95.

p. 167 In his book A Grace Disguised: Gerald Sittser, A Grace Disguised (Nashville, TN: Zondervan, 2004), 45.

p. 169 Form a massive matrix: Letterman and Muto, Understanding Our Story, 27.

p. 169 Love comes to us from God: Willard, Renovation of the Heart, 183.

p. 171 The reversal of traumas: Adrian van Kaam, Foundations of Christian Formation (Pittsburgh: Epiphany Association, 2004), 42.

p. 172 When we have the courage: Brené Brown, Dare to Lead (New York: Random House, 2018), 240.

p. 173 We believe something: Willard, Renovation of the Heart.

p. 173 You construct your understanding: Curt Thompson, Anatomy of the Soul (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2010), 77.

Chapter 10: You Are Called

p. 185 Be who God meant you to be: Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Catherine of Siena as Seen in Her Letters, ed. Vida Dutton Scudder (London: J.M. Dent & Co., 1905), “Letter to Stefano Maconi” (1376).

p. 186 The best advice I can give: This quote from Frederick Buechner, as I wrote it in my notebook, was something he said often and wrote about. In fact, a later devotional that consists of his writings is titled Listening to Your Life (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1992).

p. 187 By and large a good rule: Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking (New York: Harper & Row, 1973), 95.

p. 188 My father had not attached: Ray Anderson, Unspoken Wisdom: Truths My Father Taught Me (Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock, 2013), 18.

p. 193 Within you is a fathomless reservoir: Dick Staub, About You: Fully Human, Fully Alive (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2010), 184.

p. 193 Fun exercise where we notice: Jim Banks, One Calling, One Ministry (Campbellsville, KY: House of Healing Ministries, 2012), Kindle loc. 1099.

p. 193 What we really want to do: Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way (New York: TarcherPerigee, 1992), 108.

p. 195 God’s creative call is revealed: Adrian van Kaam, In Search of Spiritual Identity (Denville, NJ: Dimension Books, 1975), 143.

Chapter 11: You Will Be Glorified

p. 199 I don’t believe in Heaven: Scot McKnight, The Heaven Promise (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook, 2015), 144.

p. 200 Jesus abolished death: Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy (San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1998), 84.

p. 201 When You’re old enough to speak: Penny and Sparrow, “Smitten, Pt. 2,”, Andy Baxter and Kyle Jahnke, Wendigo, I Love You, 2017.

p. 202 Reliability of the promise of heaven: McKnight, Heaven Promise, 24.

p. 203 While the knowing of the mind: John O’Donohue, Beauty: The Invisible Embrace (New York: Harper Perennial, 2005), 205-6.

p. 203 For your soul: O’Donohue, Beauty, 208.

p. 204 Glory means good report with God: C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1996), 36.

p. 204 It may be possible: Lewis, Weight of Glory, 39.

p. 209 There is nothing that can replace: Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison, vol. 8, Works (Minneapolis: Fortress, 2009), letter no. 89.

p. 210 Grief is a small penalty: John Pavlovitz, “Grief Is the Tax on Loving People,” John Pavlovitz blog, August 24, 2019, https://johnpavlovitz.com/2019/08/24/grief-is-the-tax-on-loving-people/.

p. 212 Celebration is at the heart: Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline (San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1978), 190.

p. 212 God is the most joyous: Willard, Divine Conspiracy, 62.

p. 212 Jubilee of the Spirit: Foster, Celebration, 190.

p. 213 A way of engaging: Adele Calhoun, Spiritual Disciplines Handbook (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2005), 2.