VI. Kingdom People in the Home, on the Job, and in the Church (Colossians 3:18–4:1)

VI. Kingdom People in the Home, on the Job, and in the Church (3:18–4:1)

3:18 A Christian home is not just a place where some Christians reside; it’s where the authority of Jesus Christ rules the participants of a family (see commentary on Eph 5:22–6:4).

Paul begins offering guidance about the kind of household in which kingdom families are made by telling wives to submit to their husbands. This is not a command of subservience. The husband serves as the “head” of the wife in a role of authority, just as God the Father is “the head of” God the Son (1 Cor 11:3). The Father and Son are equally God. Neither is greater in value; both share in the divine essence. Similarly, both a husband and wife are made in God’s image (Gen 1:27). They are equal as human beings before God. But God has created them to operate with different functions in the home. Wives are to align themselves under the legitimate leadership of their husbands. This doesn’t mean that wives have no input. A wise kingdom husband, in fact, will always value the input of the kingdom wife God has given him! But the point here is that the husband has the ultimate responsibility for making decisions under God that affect the well-being of the family.

Importantly, wives are not to submit to their husbands in just anything. Their submission is limited to what is fitting in the Lord—that is, to what falls within the boundaries of God’s will. A wife owes her ultimate allegiance to Jesus Christ—not her husband. If a husband asks his wife to sin, she does not owe him her submission.

3:19 Husbands are commanded to love their wives. A kingdom man, then, is not a dictator, ruling his home with a heavy hand and expecting his family to wait on him. Instead, he is a benevolent leader under the authority of God, acting with love and seeking the wellbeing of his wife and children. The husband’s model is Christ, who sacrificially loved his bride—the church—to the point of death (see Eph 5:25).

Too many men marry because of what they expect to get out of marriage. They mistake the benefits of marriage for the purpose of marriage. Marriage’s purpose is the advancement of God’s kingdom in history through replicating his image and exercising dominion over the earth (see Gen 1:28).

3:20 Parents must be unified in their parenting, seeking to act as one, because it’s hard for children to obey contradictory instructions. Children are to obey their parents in everything. Kids are only to disobey parents should those parents tell them to disobey God. The proper ordering of God’s kingdom family requires children to be aligned under their parents, wives to be aligned under their husbands, and everyone to be aligned under the Son who is aligned under the Father. This glorifies God and allows his blessings to flow.

Furthermore, dads and moms need to teach their sons and daughters the spiritual motivation for their obedience: it pleases the Lord. This fact should be taught from an early age. Children who are taught to obey parents who love them will come to understand what it means to obey their loving heavenly Father.

3:21 Though children are to honor and obey both fathers and mothers (3:20; Eph 6:1; Prov 1:8; 6:20), fathers have the responsibility of taking the lead in disciplining their children. Biblical discipline is exercised in love for the recipient’s well-being. As Solomon declares, “The Lord disciplines the one he loves, just as a father disciplines the son in whom he delights” (Prov 3:12).

Never does a loving father want to exasperate [his] children and cause them to become discouraged. When you correct your children, you want to break their will—their stubbornness—without breaking their spirit. The goal is to lead them to willing obedience and righteousness. God takes the same approach with us, reminding us that “No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Heb 12:11). We need to know of the value God places on us. Likewise, our children need to know that they are significant and important and that we as their parents will love them and not place demands on them that they can never satisfy. Remember, rules without relationship lead to rebellion.

3:22 Paul instructs slaves to obey their human masters (see commentary on Eph 6:5-9), which is a principle we can apply to our own vocations. Ultimately, regardless of our occupations, we all serve God and are accountable to him for the quality of our work (see 1 Cor 10:31; Eph 6:5-6). Therefore, we should serve our employers wholeheartedly, rather than being people-pleasers who work only when being watched. You live before a sovereign God who sees everything you do. His rewards for your faithfulness are better than any raise you can receive.

3:23-25 Work like it is something done for the Lord (3:23)—because it is. Let your motivation be spiritual. Since you work for God, you are to produce excellence. Since you produce excellence, you should satisfy your earthly employer and your customer. Make no mistake: with God, nothing goes unnoticed. As a result of your faithfulness, you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord (3:24). But if you decide to be a wrongdoer instead, count on being paid back by the Lord for that too (3:25).

4:1 Masters, deal with your slaves justly and fairly (see commentary on Eph 6:5-9). As with 3:22, the principle is applicable today. Employers ought to treat their employees with dignity, justness, and fairness. That clearly excludes abuse and oppression. If you are an employer, remember that you too have a Master in heaven. And God will deal with your business and your life in accordance with how you deal with those who work for you. Your employment practices are to reflect the character of the God you serve.