VII. Biblical Alignment in Marriage and in the Church (1 Peter 3:1-12)
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VII. Biblical Alignment in Marriage and in the Church (3:1-12)
3:1-2 Like Paul (see commentary on Eph 5:22-33; Col 3:18-19), Peter explains God’s principles of biblical alignment within the home. He calls Christian wives to submit themselves to their own husbands.
The idea of a wife submitting is despised in today’s culture, but part of the problem is that it’s also misunderstood. First, though God commands it, submission is a voluntary act. You submit by choice, not by coercion. Second, submission has nothing to do with intrinsic value. Men and women are equal before God; both are created in his image. Neither is more significant. Third, submission is not passivity. A wife is not to give up who she is and become a doormat.
Submitting is about being in alignment under God and recognizing the God-given roles he assigned to husbands and wives. A kingdom husband, for instance, is to lead his family with love. A kingdom wife is to support that leadership with her gifts and abilities.
What if the wife is a better leader? To this I say that though a tractor-trailer is more powerful, it has to yield to even the smallest vehicle on the highway that has the right-of-way. Submission has nothing to do with limiting what a wife brings to the table. It’s just an acknowledgment that God has given wives the yield sign. Biblical submission honors the husband’s position even if the wife disagrees with his perspectives and decisions. Nevertheless, a wife is never obligated to compromise her greater commitment to God. Her submission is to be “as to the Lord” (Eph 5:22). Like the Proverbs 31 woman, a wife is to employ all her skills and talents serving her family. She manages the home and helps her husband make wise decisions. But in the end, a kingdom wife yields to her husband in making final calls after her perspective has been heard and valued.
What if the husband isn’t obeying Christ? How can a wife follow him? Indeed, how can you follow a parked car? Understand that a man needs his wife to help him and encourage him to be the leader God appointed him to be. While a wife will not transform her husband by nagging, fussing, and complaining, God can transform a husband when he observes his wife’s pure, reverent life (3:2). If some husbands disobey the word, wives may be able to win them over by honoring their God-given role without compromising their spiritual commitment (3:1).
3:3-4 Pure, reverent lives are characterized by an emphasis on the inward and spiritual rather than the outward and physical. There’s nothing wrong with looking nice. But don’t let your beauty consist of outward things alone (3:3); it should not be merely external. Don’t, then, be captivated by store-bought beauty. Outward attractiveness can give a false impression about what someone is like on the inside. God wants internal beauty—what is inside the heart—to take precedence (3:4). Don’t be gorgeous outside and ugly inside.
3:5-6 Peter calls wives to look to the holy women from the past as their models. Putting their hope in God, they adorned themselves by submitting to their own husbands (3:5). A wife’s holiness before God is tied to her respect for her husband. An example of a holy woman is Sarah, who used her words to build up Abraham rather than tear him down—even though he was often a poor leader. As a result, she received the miracle of God opening her womb at the age of ninety. Peter expects Christian women to take their cues from Sarah (not their contemporary culture) in the way they honor their husbands. This way they too can see God’s divine intervention in their lives. Do what is good and don’t be frightened (3:6). God says, “I’ve got your back.”
3:7 Paul commands husbands to love their wives sacrificially like Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25). Peter adds to that. He exhorts husbands to live with their wives with understanding. The Bible says in effect that if you’re going to be God’s kingdom man, you’ve got to spend time with your wife, listen to her, know what her needs are, and grow in understanding of her. You can’t lead someone whom you don’t understand. Wives may be physically weaker, but they are their husbands’ coheirs of the grace of life. So honor your wife as an equal partner in the relationship; treat her as special so that your prayers will not be hindered. A husband who refuses to align himself under God’s agenda and value, appreciate, and utilize the contributions of his wife cannot expect God to answer his requests.
3:8-12 Too many church congregations are characterized by attitudes and actions that are shameful. But Jesus told his followers the world would know they are his disciples if they “love one another” (John 13:35). Once again, Peter repeats his Lord’s teaching, telling Christians to love one another. For God’s power and blessings to flow to his people, the church must live in alignment under King Jesus. The church is like an embassy in a foreign land. It’s where the rules and ethics of eternity operate within history.
Before the cross, we are all on equal footing. Therefore, we ought to be like-minded and sympathetic . . . compassionate and humble toward each other (3:8). When insulted, you are to bless so that you may inherit a blessing (3:9). God blesses believers “with every spiritual blessing in the heavens” (Eph 1:3). To access them and see good days, you must place yourself under his rule and authority. That means taming your tongue, turning from evil, doing what is good, and pursuing peace (3:10-11). For those who align themselves in this way, the Lord’s ears are open to their prayer (see 3:7). But those who do what is evil will find him opposing them (3:12).